Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

High 5 Sara!!!!!!!

Sunday was more peaceful.

Went to the doctors to pick up a prescription, did some shopping and edited a short film that I acted in. W was more peaceful and conciliatory which made me suspicious. I asked her what she's setting me up for and, funnily enough she is planning another trip to Europe this weekend with an old friend of hers (gay male). I had to ask her about five times and she dodged the question five times before answering finally. She wants to go because she'll "have a baby soon" and "won't be able to do these things anymore".

I have been avoiding her as much as possible so that I don't get angry in front of her and she's been asking questions about who I'm going out to see, whether I've got a "secret lover" etc.

She is 33, a mother-to-be and she acts like an entitled teenager. She is the scum of the earth.

When I am not at home I'm fine. I can focus at work now and I've rediscovered other things I had lost like reading, chess and surfing.

I have brought these posts to the attention of my sister and she's following this situation as well. If I wasn't concerned about this baby I would just get the hell out of there. I love the home we have but I won't live there for ever and neither will my wife - I would have to leave there sometime even if this marriage were idyllic.

I am convinced that if I cut my W out of my life for a period of time and then come back to these posts for a read, I'll be shocked and disbelieving that this was my life.

How long is she going to be gone for??

I've no idea Flynny, I didn't speak to her for long about the matter. She says about a week but I'm beyond caring - there isn't any point in trying to control her and I don't want to be some kind of pathetic girly man begging her not to go or guilt-tripping her. I'm more angry about the fact she was totally dishonest and evasive about the whole thing rather than the fact that she's actually going.

I have just sent an email to OM giving him an address to send a few belongings that W left in his apartment.

It's my birthday today.

My sister sent me a lovely card with a bookmark she had made herself and W bought me a box of chocolates (!) and a card with with affection, W xx written in it. I didn't even react other than say "thank you" and I didn't really care either. She had used the wrapping paper that was around the flowers I bought her when we dicovered she was pregnant.

She told me of another much more expensive gift (a violin) that she had wanted to get for me but that "now wasn't the right time as it's a bad year, maybe if/when things are better between us". It's more important to her to spend her money on flights to Europe.

This latest trip to England is to go and grab another fix of OM even though for the last few weeks he's been saying "it's over, I don't want you and to raise another man's child", "I have a new girlfriend etc". I don't think he knows she plans to visit. And, to be honest I really don't care anymore - life is better when I don't have to deal with her. When I phoned OM he even asked me to take her passports from her so that she "wouldn't compromise my situation here and cause trouble." and because he is "done" and "doesn't want to see her" but I don't know where she's put them - and that's controlling (thoughts anyone?). If I did it, it would be to protect this baby - not so I can keep W for myself. She's hardly a glittering prize.

OM even sent W a long email saying "it's over" and copied me in. But, I just don't care. I want to ensure that this baby is OK as far as I am able and that's it - I know I will do far better than W.

Happy Birthday, GH. I'm glad that she was nice to you on your birthday. But of course, we all need to put our minds on other things besides your wife.

Thanks Sara,

I'm sat here in my office. W just sent a group email to me and her siblings and spouses wishing me "Happy Birthday" in big, colourful letters. I really don't know why she bothered - I my sound cynical but I'm just indifferent now.

So, GH31 is now 33 - a little older and much wiser now.

I really wonder how this new phase is going to affect your wife. She was so desperate to be loved by two men. Now she is disliked by two men. Both find her a nuisance. I can't imagine how this will sit with her need for adulation.

I don't know if this is a new phase. She's still pretty so can use her wiles to charm and beguile but of course, the passage of time will take care of that. It's been sinking in these past few weeks what I've allowed myself to put up with. I can hardly call myself a man if I continue to do so.

GH,

A belated Happy Birthday.

I don't know what to say on the passport front. Either find them and cut them up....which would show you cared and is maybe not the best move....or warn OM of impending visit?

Other than that....shrug those broad shoulders you have grown and ignore W.

I am sure flying is not brilliant for the baby and if your W was that afraid of abortion/ miscarriage she would avoid it.

All I can think of is the waste of money she is spending which she could be investing in her child's future.

Honestly GH....now you are going to be connected to this woman forever through your child. In a way I hope she does drop the baby in your hands and run....a nanny would be cheaper in SO many ways- but I just can't see her doing it. She will have a permanent way to get at you. I am so sorry. Something needs to happen to make your W value the feelings of others.