Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife said she's done update

First off I want to thank everyone for all of the support I have received on my situation.

I'm no longer going to try and salvage my M anymore. I'm definitely not going to pay for her cell phone or anything other then her car and insurance.

Taking my D over to that losers house was the final straw for me. My W is aware that I will not tolerate that crap anymore. I even called the other chic and gave her a piece of my mind, and let her know where I stand. Probably wasn't necessary, but it did make me feel better.

I lost my cool yesterday, and that will not happen again. She no longer has any power over me.

WAI,

It is possible to "drop the rope" COMPLETELY, and still not give up on your marriage. The fact that you're this "done" indicates to me that it might even be very successful.

I do think you should get some good legal advice, if you haven't already done so, just to know what your options are if nothing else. It helps. But why can't you take a strong financial stand with your wife, and still not give up on your marriage? Or don't you love her anymore?

Puppy

It is always best to give yourself time to make sure your decisions aren't based on pure emotion. I'm not accusing you of this, I'm just saying.

This is your decision, I'm not going to ever judge you either way.

Yes there is a way to do this and not completely give up. Again it's your call. It's a big decision man, think it through.

Hello WAI,
I know I'm going to be yelled at for this and many won't agree with, but seriously, good for you for calling and giving someone who deserved it a piece of your mind. No, it probably doesn't help but it does make you feel better. I got to tell my H's OW a little bit about herself and it did make me feel better.
I do believe while you have backslides, (we all do) you can still move forward and save your marriage. However, only you can decide when she crosses that line of no return to you. I haven't read anything I couldn't forgive, esp. if you consider she's sort of insane right now.....in a very very selfish place.
If you love this woman (who admittedly is not herself right now) and you think you can forgive AND YOU THINK SHE CAN FORGIVE YOU, then stay and fight.
You do need to set some ground rules, some boundaries.
Maybe you need to give her a little task that you know she'll follow through on and trust her. Learn to build some trust back with easy crap, like Could you please get some milk today? But not Can you promise to clean the whole house, do homework with the kids and stop going out Tuesdays nights FOREVER?" Not gonna happen right now.
I'm just saying, if you want to stop now, then stop. I'll support you either way.....but why not fight, just a little longer.....know you turned over every rock......no regrets.....you know what I mean?

This is what I meant by using your anger in the proper way.

Do not let it dictate your decisions.

Do not use it as offense.

DO use it to drop the rope and stick to your boundaries.

She will always have a place in my heart. It's no longer a place for a wife, it's a place for the mother of my kids.

I wish her well, I really do. I can no longer go on living like this. I have talked to an attorney a few weeks ago. I live in a no fault state, so it doesn't matter if there is infidelity. I'm going to let her file when she is able to.

Once the kids leave with my parents she wont be staying at the house. She has already made the necessary arangements to to that. I'm not sure DB.com is the place for me anymore since I no longer want to reconsile with my W.

It's just too stressful and toxic for my well being.

I do hope that everyone has more success then I have had bringing there spouse back around.

Good luck to everyone!

Puppy, trapt, sandi, and everyone else that has supported me thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an assets to this site. Keep doing what your doing.

Thanks
Paul

Paul,

You are most welcome. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. Please come back as often as you wish, and let us know how we can support you. Sometimes it helps to have a community of people who already know the background.

I do wish you well, and would just hope that you'd think (and pray) on this for a few days before making any permanent decisions.

Paul

Where,



Sometimes it takes that anger to look at the things that need looking at.

I usually advise NOT making any decisions out of anger or emotion. And I'm sticking to it here. Take some time to process this for what it is before you make any permanent decisions regarding what MAY happen down the road.

Turn this around for a minute.....All that anger, and emotion that you felt with this......That is how SHE feels about you during this time....

Now you may understand why she wants to run away. These things may be true...or not. But nonetheless, that is what they are RIGHT NOW.

If you had a guarantee, that after a year or two, that this would turn around for you and her.....How would your life be different right now....What things would you want for you and your children ?

I'm not telling you what YOU should do here....I just want you to be sure before you burn that bridge.

Deal with what needs dealing with, and let the rest go for now....

You CAN do this my friend.

What is your list of things that YOU want to address ?

How can you make this boundry about something else instead of a " I don't want to pay your cell bill so that you can text your friend" ?

Cause you already told her that you would, and just cause you snooped, you changed your decision. That could be a little manipulative if she knew that was the reason.

I'm NOT telling you to pay it, I'm just asking how you can take the focus off the real reason that you feel that way, and turn it into something that is affecting you.

Talk to me here....

Sorry Paul,

I was typing while you wrote this.....

Good luck with you, and I pray for the best.....

Take care of yourself.....

M1

The real reason I feel that way?

Mach1, she has disrespected me and my kids. I'm not going to pay her phone bill, period.

Yes I told her I would, partly so I could gain access and see who she is texting all night long.

Once I confirmed my suspicions I thought it was no longer appropriate for me to help her carry on her relationship.

Taking my D to this persons house was a direct shot to my heart. I will no longer let her treat me like this.

I have a pretty good feeling that in time she is going to realise what a mistake she has made.

I just can't take anymore of her crap. I'm not going to be the one who files, she can.

I will not drive myself crazy trying to bring her back around. I just don't have it in me anymore.

What I will do is take care of my kids, and be the best father I can.