not sure, but they do, don't they. Huge source of malcontent in my marriage, but if I had it to do all over again, I would gladly give in no matter how much I had been ignored that day!
I know what you mean about giving in, and I do my best but H always knows. He can tell that I'm not my usual (tigerish) self and then gets all peeved about it.
He was trying so hard to turn me on too, with all kinds of - ahem - interesting stuff. But all he had to do was be nice to me in previous couple of hours instead of growling at me for daring to speak and all would have gone well.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
"Why do men think they can ignore you all evening and then get it on when they come to bed?"
I think I have an answer; however, any men out there please correct me if I am wrong.
Women want sex if things have gone well during the day with their H, etc..
Men will do things that will make the day go well for their W if they have sex.
A bit of a generality but you get my point. So, one of us has to give in, so to speak.
I know in the past pre-bomb days when we ML, my H was much more attentive and happy the following day. Why I didn't put 2 and 2 together back then I don't know. I think alot of men get their stress out by ML. They may not verbalize as well as us women so being physical is their way.
My 2cents: ML and just be in the moment no matter what transpired that day, you should see your H meeting your needs more. Let me know!
nik
PS my sister and BIL have similar dynamics in their marriage as me and H. My sister is the controlling one, my BIL is laid back and quiet. They have been "happily" married for 14 yrs. What they have always done is ML whenever the other person wants to. They NEVER say no to each other so that must be the glue for them!
Unless, of course the roles are reversed in your M and it's your H who can't get in the mood when things aren't going smoothly in the R!! And you the W who needs physical intimacy to feel connected.
I find no end to the irony that most of us wind up paired with a S who is on the opposite end of things when it comes to this issue.
I would frankly LOVE some make-up lovin...for many reasons (self analysis not appropriate for Fran's thread ) I am the one who can get turned on at the drop of a hat!
I know it's generalities, but I think most women need to feel close and connected in order to want to ML and most men use ML as a way to feel close and connected.
Tal---I so agree with you with the ML and needing/feeling connected.
This is why when H wants to ML even though we are separated I'm there. Maybe part of it's selfishness, but I enjoy it so much more than I did in the last year or two prior to the bomb and I think he's really noticed, too. Cathy
is it safe to assume that when most of you got married...things were good? you were "in love" with eachother, you we're friends etc? ...
... I could accept his shortcommings because I could at least say to myself...he's honest, he dedicated, he's compassionate, he's loyal, he's ambitious, and he's a hard worker.
While my own situation is not identical to that, I knew when I first got together with H that the love was a decision on my part (yes right from the very beginning). Somehow although DB tells us that we should see love as a decision I wish at some point it had just been a feeling something I could look back on and think - yes we were there once we can be there again.
I feel I sold myself short when I married H. I had been hurt by previous break up. Hurt by stuff with my Dad too I guess and I just felt at that time I wasn't worthy of anything better.
sheesh! it took me long enough to come find you and here you are quoting me on your thread. Since you have pulled up a quote from one of my previous threads I'd like to take a minute to clarify it.
I met my h when I was 16 and he was 19..we were "in love" but he was different than any other guy I ever knew...we dated for a long long time before we got married and by the time we got married the "in love" feelings weren't completely there...well I suppose not like I imagine other couples who marry...let's see bil's toast started with him saying it's been 9 years...how many people date for 9 years before they get married???
re the current discussion going on here...the ole sex thang...
it always baffles me when h and I spend a great evening together...I'm dressed extra nice...and nada! then seemingly out of no where when I'm grubby from playing with the kids all day or even in my cozy pj's does h suddenly get an idea.
oh well I'll take it when I can get it and am learning not to expect it.
Hi all, I seem to have kicked off a real discussion here - LOL!
Hi LL: Thanks for stopping by! I guess both of us were in more of a down mood at the time you said that and when I quoted you. It's easy to look back and pick on the bad stuff when you feel your R is just CR&P. At the moment things with me and H are going OK again, your thread sounds pretty positive lately
Quote: it always baffles me when h and I spend a great evening together...I'm dressed extra nice...and nada! then seemingly out of no where when I'm grubby from playing with the kids all day or even in my cozy pj's does h suddenly get an idea.
I can relate to this one - LOL. H will come up behind me when I am washing the dishes and grab me and start canoodling! What's all that about - does he get turned on by soap suds or is it the rubber gloves I think men are subtler than we give them credit for. When they see us dressed nice etc, even though they like it, in a marriage it is such a game of strategies and counter strategies they can't help thinking - what's she after. Whereas when you're in your grubby PJs or washing dishes they can just jump you knowing that is NOT what you were thinking of.
Shinybear:
Quote: I find no end to the irony that most of us wind up paired with a S who is on the opposite end of things when it comes to this issue
Do you think this is a polarisation thing. You know maybe the sex drive is only very slightly different to start but as the R goes along one person (usually LD) starts to feel the power they have over HD one and can use that? Consciously or unconsciously, then it becomes a habit. The HD one gets frustrated, needs it more etc. HD becomes a pursuer... and we all know where that leads.
I think you need to hang out more in grubby PJs doing unglamourous household chores Shiny! LOL
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
i believe the grubby pj's for some guys signifies realism. believe it or not, there are some men out there that are not into the "fakeness" of some women. some men want what is real. now i can only imagine that when your hubby comes up behind you and starts "something" its because that vision is REAL to him and it turns him on
) I am the one who can get turned on at the drop of a hat! 
