You know...it was really like something a friend of mine told me. He said one day you will just wake up and things will just click for you. It really is kind of like that. I finally accepted that this can go either way, i can't control it, and I'm going to be completely fine either way. Plus, now that the mediator stuff is pretty much done and I know what will happen if we split there is no more unknown to really fear. I'm in a good place now. Not to say there aren't good or bad days...there are and there will be more but I'm going to be just fine.
I remember when it clicked for me, I could actually feel the weight lifting off of me. Some people do that quickly, others take longer, and for some, well, I keep waiting on some. It is a mental attitude that the other sex likes a great deal.
Well, it has taken me about 6 months so I guess I'm on the longer side of things. It really is like a burden being lifted off of me though. I agree with you about the other sex liking it a great deal...it seems to have changed the way W is when she is around me now and how she is seeing things.
Wow, Great JOB DC!!!!! This is exactly how you handle it, time to develop a plan for the both of you, that you lead.
Again, sometimes the realization of what it will be like, smacks them upside the head and all of a sudden they can see through the fog. Make sure her vision is clear.
Burt
Burt,
I'm curious as to how you would go about with the lead thing? Any insights?
Where do you want to be? How long before she brings it up again that she may want to have this thing work? How will you respond to it, when this happens? Lead by saying, I have been giving that a lot of thought. I have looked into MC (and find a type that is recommended on this site)I will set up an appointment for next week, you gonna be available. (This is just an example)
Only you are in the fire, my point is be ready for the different scenarios that you can see coming.
Where do you want to be? How long before she brings it up again that she may want to have this thing work? How will you respond to it, when this happens? Lead by saying, I have been giving that a lot of thought. I have looked into MC (and find a type that is recommended on this site)I will set up an appointment for next week, you gonna be available. (This is just an example)
Only you are in the fire, my point is be ready for the different scenarios that you can see coming.
Burt
I agree with this. This shows you have a PLAN, and gives her confidence. One of the biggest things you have to overcome with a reconciliation is a overwhelming feeling of HOPELESSNESS on the part of the FWAS.
Where do you want to be? How long before she brings it up again that she may want to have this thing work? How will you respond to it, when this happens? Lead by saying, I have been giving that a lot of thought. I have looked into MC (and find a type that is recommended on this site)I will set up an appointment for next week, you gonna be available. (This is just an example)
Only you are in the fire, my point is be ready for the different scenarios that you can see coming.
Burt
I agree with this. This shows you have a PLAN, and gives her confidence. One of the biggest things you have to overcome with a reconciliation is a overwhelming feeling of HOPELESSNESS on the part of the FWAS.
Puppy
Boy, I remember the hopelessness on her face when she said maybe we should try a trial period of 6 months.
I said trial period, I said there would be no trial period, I told her if you think that I am not everything that a husband and father should be from now until the end of my time on this planet, then you should call it quits right then. Do not give me a date where I can get to and then turn back in to the old me. Then I went on with what I expected from her. Like going to counciling either for us or herself, start to go on weekly dates, fun things like we use to do, etc...
Ok...I see what you guys are saying. Yeah, I will be ready for that. As for the MC...we already have one. Well, he was our MC in the beginning and is still my IC and he is the person that directed me to this site and to read DR so he is pretty good. I have been playing out the different scenarios in my head and formulating my responses and how I would handle each scenario so that I don't get taken by surprise and do some backsliding. Quick update...things still seem to be going well and getting better. Yesterday i went and played golf with some friends of mine while W had the day off and was going to spend it with D3. D3 has been a little sick lately so she wasn't going to take her to school. When I got home last night they were both up in W's room in bed. W was feeling sick too. So I made them both some soup and got them settled and W asked me if I wanted to lay in bed with them and watch a movie. I said sure so we all layed up on her bed for hours watching some movies. Light conversation between W and I. I got up to go to my room and W asked if I would lay in bed and read some books to D3 with her. I said I would love to so we did that for awhile. Then I got up and went to my room. I probably could have just crashed in bed with them but I don't want to push it or appear pursuing in any way. It was good though...nice to hang out with her and just be normal.
So today before W left to go to work she said she wanted to talk to me for a minute. I said ok and so she confessed to me a some stuff that I had suspected but didn't have absolute confirmation on. She made the comment that if things were ever going to work between us that we needed to be honest with each other. It hurt to hear that some suspicions were true but it was nice that she was honest with me. Actually, it made me feel a little closer to her and makes me kind of have more trust with her. Sounds kind of weird I guess but it does. I told her thank you for telling me and that it meant a lot to me that she did. Not that what she said doesn't hurt but I'm glad she told me. I think this is a start. It's a huge step for her. I hope they keep on coming. She has shown other small steps lately too. Little rubs on my shoulder when she passes by me. Hugs every day before one of us leaves. All the stuff with the movie and reading books last night....definite changes to what the usual had been.
