Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Had enough......

I have probably had the most enlightening couple of months of my life recently. My STBXH left me on March 23rd with the standard ILYBNILWY, I don’t want to be responsible for anyone other than myself, and I want to protect your children by abandoning them speech. It was followed up by me begging and pleading until I found out about the other woman (my ex bestfriend) on April 23rd when I caught them walking into where he lived together and told them both how worthless they were. That was followed up by me dropping off some of his mail and a book by where he lived (not seeing him of course) and an apology email (should have never sent it) that I sent on May 9th. I have received two requests on both of my yahoo names to let him add me to his buddy list. Which I so kindly accepted, but didn’t add his name to my list. I have also convinced myself that he is checking my blog (color me delusional). I have not spoken to, heard from, or seen my STBXH since April 23rd.

My daughter who is in Texas was made aware by a friend of hers that he no longer lives at the gym and I have since been able to stop driving out of my way to get to work, the interstate, and my children’s school. I have no idea where he lives. I have no phone number to call. I have stupidly checked his profile on MSN (the pictures of us and his blog are still up) and he apparently has a job finally. I feel like such a freaking stalker but will now be nipping my stalking behavior in the bud.

I have made the startling discovery that my mother has NPD and was given a lovely parting memento of our relationship (a venomous filled letter). I made the decision to finally state my feelings and let her know that something she had done had hurt me. It got twisted and perverted into something I could have never imagined in my life. I was told that she would not be contacting me ever and that if I wanted to have a relationship with her that I knew where she is and her number. Sadly, I have to say that I won’t be calling or seeing my mother. I choose to not accept having to keep my hurt feelings to myself any more.
This has since morphed into me realizing that my STBHX and my mother are one and the same. I married my mother. I believe that it is best for me to let them both go for my own mental health. It is with great sadness that I post that, but it is my honest appraisal of my situation. It isn’t healthy to be in a relationship with someone who drains you like a vampire does his prey and leaves you confused and disheartened thinking you have done something wrong all the time. My feelings are valid and I have a right to have them and for them to matter to people that I care about.

It is very hard to wrap my head around the fact that my life has had so much turmoil in it and I have come through it relatively intact. I am amazed that my children are as resilient as they are having gone through what we have together. I can only hope that the learning and therapy that we are all going through can help heal us and help us find healthy people to be in relationships with. I can already tell that my daughters are going to have problems forming healthy relationships and I am worried. I will do my best to be a better role model in the present and future.

I read this site daily and have always felt out of place because I sort of wanted to reconcile with my STBXH, but I’ve always known that it wasn’t a possibility due to the impact that would have on my children. I wish him the best in his life. I hope he finds his nirvana, but also gets the necessary help he needs to work on himself. Although they say that narcissism isn’t curable.

I refuse to be an easily thrown away object for these types of people any more. I am a work in progress and dang it if it isn’t proving to be the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s topping the delivery of 2 9lb children, the brain surgery, and recovery from the surgery that I had last year. Physical strength and endurance have nothing on mental health work.

I wish you all peace in your hearts and minds and for your situations to resolve themselves in whatever manner proves to be healthiest for YOU.