Agree with DanceQueen. Fix it or it will break your marriage.
We had a lot of this same thing going on (or "not going on" is the perhaps the better way to say it). On occasion she would talk about how she needed to ML more. She would even throw a book my way once in a while. But she would never act like she meant it. Very cold and disinterested day and night. The "I'll just lay here like a dead fish" thing was never a turn-on or warm invitation to me.
I don't believe the issue was ever physical or the act itself (as the books were aimed) but power issues and anger well outside the bedroom. Reading (Schnarch, LuckyGirl, Bagherra, and DanceQueen) made it clear to me.
Right now she's likely not in a state to take suggestions to reopen the topic, read Schnarch, seek outside counseling, or whatever. Until that happens, she will probably continue to view me as broken.
She's seen me reading Schnarch and she knows I've discussed the topic during IC. I've told her during one of our few R discussions that I refuse to live in a SSM in any future relationship, with her or with someone else.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/25/0906:54 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
When I started here I had to take a lot of cold showers. It isn't just a cliche, they do work.
I still think that maybe its more sex drive, love languages, and perhaps some issue that needs to be discussed / worked on.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
