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Hang in there Kelly. I wish I had your strength. It Blows my mind how someone can throw away so many years together, especially when ther are kids involved. I would bet that he will regret this for as long as he's alive. You on the other hand will have none knowing you gave it your all. It sounds like you are going to be just fine. I'm really not in the position to give any advice, I'm still new to all of this. I'm pretty sure my W is having an affair.

I'm rooting for you and your kids

As much as he will never admit it, I think my husband's fear of getting older and not being attractive is what set him off on this path. His first affair started when a 23 year old at work walked by him and told him he was looking good. He is so insecure, that comment gave him the big head and he started seeing her.
I have been getting more and more frustrated at mine for his lack of pride in our home. I thought we wanted the same things out of life but I guess I was wrong.

Journaling:
We are leaving Thursday to go on vacation with the kids. I do not want to go but feel like I need to play the happy family. I am hoping my son will not pick up on anything while we are there. I want to protect him as long as I can. I am going to do my best to act as if!

Journaling some more..can you tell I am high strung tonight?

It is so hard to watch a romantic movie now. I am so lonely and want to be held so badly. I guess this is what it will be like when we are divorced. I cannot believe I am married and have not had sex in FOREVER! This sucks.

We are going on vacation tomorrow so I was trying to make sure things were taken care of before we leave. Long story short, I find out husband, who has been taking care of the bills since January, has a whopping $400 to take with us. I know that I have always taken care of the money but that is not even enough to feed us while we are gone!! I can already tell this is going to be a disaster but am trying not to let it show.

I am getting SO angry tonight. I do not want to go on vacation. I cannot even stand to look at him! Why are there certain days when I could hit him over the head?

Maybe you shouldn't go on vacation Kelly. Your right it has the potential to be disastrous, and something that could be avoided.

Hi whereami,
I know I probably shouldn't, but in a way, I want to go so I can watch his disaster. How evil is that? He planned this trip so he could go white water rafting...one of the many 'exciting' things he wants to do during this MLC. I am not rafting btw, I am just watching. I am really trying hard to not let my anger show in front of the kids.
Good news is I bought new clothes to take and I am going to be looking good!!!!!

Well, the vacation was bearable...nothing to write home about. We were out of money in 2 days and I had to find a bank and get money out of savings...not that he admitted he had not planned properly.

Something I really thought about during the trip...my husband and my daughter have no respect for me. Of course he doesn't or he would have never done all this to start with but it really hit me this weekend.

I have been trying to talk to the bank about getting a second mortgage to pay off some credit cards so I can file next month. It is not going too well. I think we are going to have to sell the house. He is going to have a fit about that I am sure. I just want out. I am going on a conference for work in a few weeks and am thinking about filing right before it so I will be out of town and he can have some time on his own to think about what he wants to do. Should I file right before I leave or should I be available right after I file?

Husband and I very seldom talk at all. I cannot even remember the last time we made love. I have not even looked for any more evidence of an EA or PA since the last one. Who cares? He has shown me twice that he has time to work on other woman but never the time to work on our marriage.