I just realized now that today is our anniversary (16 years). I'm not sure what to do with it. There is such emotional distance right now.
I'm enjoying my GAL activities so much, that I want to keep doing them on my own. My W has expressed an interest in joining my dance class. I've been going solo for this year, and don't want anything to disrupt it's positive energy.
I'm not sure where my W fits into my dance activity at this time. I think it's best to do what I can to preserve my dance time as continuing to be a positive activity. I've made the mistake in the past of joining my W in activities out of obligation, and tolerated any negativity. I want my W to be part of my dance life, but I'm going to be more selective in terms of how we spend that time together. I don't have a problem going to any venue with her. I want to protect my class for myself. My guess is that if she joined my class, she would eventually bring negativity into it. I think it's important to be honest with her, if I have reservatons about joining me for class, and work on a compromise.
She's off to Puerto Rico for two weeks with her friend. I hope she has a nice time, and restful vacation.
My back is about 85% better. Daily dog walking keeps it strong and loose. I stretch on the days I'm going to be dancing. I stretch my hamstrings, whenever I feel symptoms returning. Keeping the hamstrings stretched seems essential. The fish oil, bromelain, and turmeric supplements help. Chiropractic is helpful, but self-management is more important.
I often find myself wishing I were D, so I could pursue woman I'm attracted to. It's easy to idealize people, based on brief interactions. I remind myself that dating or being M to them would change things. They would have expectations of me, and I would get to see their imperfections.
My IC is helping me to navigate some job stress. I've relocated to a new office in our agency, and am trying to adapt to a new supervisor, after being with the same one for nearly 13 years. My IC says to grin and bear it for now, to make an honest effort to meet his expectations, to not take his feedback personally, to display confidence and good cheer in the workplace, and to let things beyond my control unfold.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi there, CL. Did you end up saying anything about your anniversary? I had an anniversary in June and even though I was divorced I decided to send a text msg to my xH that day. We used to always enjoy going out for breakfast on special occasions and eggs benedict was one of our favorites. SO, for my "non anniversary" I wrote him and said I was thinking of him as I ate my EGG McMUFFIN!
I know what you mean about job stress! I have also changed jobs as well as move to another state!
I don't have my home computer yet, but found a way to check in with my DB friends. Keep on dancing!!!
Matilda, My W returns from her two week Puerto Rico vacation. I'll be curious to hear how it went.
It was a respite for me to be away from her. I believe I made the right decision in not going.
My life was dancing, dance lessons, dance workshops, walking my dog, going to work and adapting to my new supervisor, writing in my journal, reading spiritual memoirs.
I went to one workshop, Latin Body Action taught by a national Latin male dance champion. He taught me how to be more expressive and confident with my body. I've been practicing his assignments, and integrating his tips into my dancing.
I'm working out of a writing guide, The New Diary by Tristine Rainer to help me in my journaling effort. I found a radio show I can download to my ipod, Journaling for a Better Life by Kathleen Adams, therapist and journaling coach.
The M is in my W's hands, depending on the effort she is willing to put into it, and her willingness to be respectful with communication, and maintain boundaries. If she continues to fail in either of these critical areas, I will continue to put my energy into the aforementioned activities, and let the R die.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W has returned from her two week vacation in Puerto Rico. She had a great trip. She's already planning on a return trip in January. It has a package she's looking for--warmth, beaches, a latin culture, latin food, and affordable.
She did not have a good time with her friend. She told me that she got to see what he's truly about, and hasn't seen him since they've returned. She described him as needy, unstable, verbally abusive, unpredictable, blaming, and irresponsible. She spent most of the trip away from him. He had family down there, so she told him to spend time with them. She accomplished what her agenda was, which was to be oriented to PR by a local.
I'm not sure what his agenda was. I get the impression that he is going thru his own version of a MLC. I think he might need psychiatric care. He seems like an unhappy person. He tries to portray himself as a victim in his pending D, but I doubt it. He is certainly not someone to be threatened by. I wonder how much of his friendliness towards me was genuine?
She asked me to go with her in January. I told her that I would consider it, if it's only the two of us--no third party. She agreed, and wants an answer within a month. I will likely go, as long as there's no sleeping elsewhere. There hasn't been for weeks.
I'm glad I didn't go on this trip. I had a restful time here, and it sounds like she was able to navigate herself well, and spend some quality alone time .
I must admit I'm intrigued by her offer. This looks like a trip that would fit us very well.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W has told her dance friend, that she wants to go separately to venues. She finds him to be too high maintenance. He hasn't been over the house in about a week. He was coming almost every day for awhile.
She has asked to join me for a cha cha workshop I'm taking this weekend. I've decided that she can join me for any venue or lesson, except my home studio where I've been taking lessons alone all this year. It's important to keep that as my space for now.
She asked me to sleep with her in the marital bedroom last night, as she has been having nightmares recently. I'm not ready to return to the bedroom. I wouldn't be comfortable. It's too soon. There isn't enough connection, and recent positive experience history. I have more connection with my dog than my W.
We've been practicing about once per week at home.
She's going to have to accept that I have my own network of dance partners now (much like she has her own network in her dance community). She will have to give me the freedom to enjoy myself, or else it's best she not accompany me to my venues.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Hi CL. I love the way your wife describes her friend. It sounds like the pot calling the kettle black! Her trip may be the start of a reconnection for your marriage.
Have you talked to your counselor about your wife's offer to share the marital bed? I understand you don't feel connected to her yet, but does she know it depends on her? I am a bit concernced that she might choose to sleep elsewhere again unless she is clear on the reason for your decision.
