Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again First Piecing Thread

Wow. First time I've even had a chance to look at the boards for a while and I see long lost WDID posted to me last night! LOL.

Things are ok, thanks for asking. Still the glacial pace of piecing. W has still been pretty engaged. She moved into the new office on Monday and has been stressed about a number of things so I've just been giving her space and listening when she wants to vent. We're still in the pattern of us being away from home and things are really good, weekends good and weekdays different and I suspect it's because she's in a permanent state of WD with her A gifts looking at her while at work, but I'm not going to push that now. Don't get me wrong, the work weeks have been slowly getting better with not as much pull back from W as in the past, but there's still something with her going to work. I'm going to evaluate the next couple weeks and see if her changing buildings so she's not working where her and OM worked together makes a difference.

I'm going to keep my positive attitude, keep GAL, keep showing her the guy she fell in love with and when I do confront her with the A gifts, hopefully she'll be in a place to give them up.

I'll tell you a couple of good things, both related to "The Bachlorette". Normally I don't watch the show. I'll sit in the room and read or whatever while W watches, but this season there's a guy on there that is a musician and he made it pretty clear early on that he was only there for the publicity for his band. Well, I got hooked because this guy was such a scum bag, messing with a woman's feelings for his own personal gain, etc.

So Saturday we were at MIL's house for a bit and it came up in conversation and I went off. I couldn't hold back. Told MIL and W that the guy deserved to get his a** kicked and there's not too many things in the world that make me more angry than someone that uses someone else for their own personal gain, etc. W and MIL just sat there looking at me.

So Monday night I was out of town for work and W kept TMing me about the show and what a scumbag the guy was, etc. After the show was over she called me and was really mad because the guy finally showed his true colors and W was pissed. I just let her vent, but inside I was seething because NOW she might be figuring out that OM was cut from the same cloth?

So now I think I'm dealing with some more of W's guilt. Still getting along great. Still some affection. Lots of talking and laughing, but not talking about that elephant that's in the room.

I'm just plugging along until she finally opens up and really TALKS with me about it. Who knows, maybe she never will. And then I'll have a decision to make, but for now, we're just kind of a normal married couple in MOST senses of the word.

Planned a little night away trip for Saturday that I'm going to surprise her with. Gonna wake her up Sat morning and tell her to pack an overnight bag and shower and lets go. I know she'll be surprised and love it, and it'll be nice to get away, if only for a night. Work has been crazy busy for me and I had a discipline case to deal with and that just takes it out of you, so having a relaxing night away will be good.

I'll post on Monday and let everyone know how the weekend went.

See ya.

Have a wonderful time. I know you live for those weekends! I would too in your situation. I suppose as long as you are feeling movement no matter how small, that is what you need. However she has come along way from a year ago. If you don't believe me, look at an old post.

Keep on going. Hugs, kat

Thanks Kat.

I apologize to everyone for not getting around to everyone's sitch's to support, but work has been CRAZY busy. Right now in fact, I'm writing this while on a Region Staff call. Hope the boss doesn't check the internet usage during his meetings!

Anyway, We have come a loooonnnnnngggggg way. And I knew from the beginning that it would be a long road, just because I know my W. I try to keep my eyes on the prize, but it gets discouraging sometimes.

There's still those lingering doubts, I guess that goes with the territory, but because it's so slow, it goes through my mind that she's got some other motive or she can't make it past that final hurdle because she won't let go of the "feelings" that OM gave her even though it seems she's figured out he's a scumbag and it was a mistake. Or possibly now she recoginzes all that and the GUILT is just too much for her to deal with.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.

Lol..long lost WDID...pfffft...COme on now, I haven't been that far gone. I'm always keeping an eye on you.

My take on everything is same as Kat's. Sounds like lots of progress. JUst keep keeping on.

I know you think the A mementos might affect her, but it may just be stress at work. I know when I was teaching that during the week I was a totally different person. Could be.

Thanks WDID. But I might have to disagree with you based on the last few days concerning the stress at work.

I noticed about Wed that W started getting a little more distant with me. Last night it was very apparent.

I got home from work and W shortly after. We sat out on the deck talking about her day (no asking how my day was). She was polite and talked, but was somewhat distant. I asked her a number of times the last few days how work was going and she said good, no problems, etc.

To back up some, Wed night, W went up to the bedroom to watch t.v. and never came back down. When I went up for bed she was laying there kind of staring out into space.

Last night I had a hair cut and W was still ok, but somewhat distant when I left, but when I got home she was ANGRY. Angry at the puppy, angry at S17 for not picking up his room, angry at pretty much everything that came up. Now I know she could have just been having a bad day, but I don't think so based on our earlier conversation. Anyway, she was pissed that the puppy kept climbing on her while she was trying to read/watch t.v. I moved over to sit next to her so the pup couldn't climb on her and she snapped "IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK". I calmly replied "if it doesn't, I'll move". But it worked. BUT, W was doing everything she could to move as far away from me as she could. At 9:00 she said "I'm going upstairs to watch t.v.". Never came back down.

I went up to bed and she was half asleep, half laying there.

The last couple days, no IM's or emails etc from her.

You might be right in that it's stress from work, but it seems pretty likely to me that maybe that old building was giving her some kind of charge and now that's been taken away there's some WD going on. Heck, I don't know, maybe when she moved she put the affair gift glass away and it's not where she's getting a charge from that. Who knows?

Ok, I know, I know. Can't read anything into this stuff. Maybe it's just hormonal. But the timing of it all is pretty strange.

Just kind of interesting.....

When you asked what was wrong on both days.....what did she say?

Flynn! Long time no chat.

I didn't ask her what was wrong, I just asked how her day was, just in conversation.

So of course, last night she gets home from work and is in a great mood, we go to "our" bar/grill, have some dinner, some drinks and a great night. Lots of nice conversation, some affection...just nice. We came home and sat out on the deck for a while, W still talking and talking.

I started getting tired and told W I was going up to bed and was she coming up also? "I'll be up in a minute". Yeah, she comes to bed 2 hours later.

So we are going on our day/night away here in a couple hours. It'll be fun I'm sure and it'll be good to get away. I really need it.

Talk to ya soon.

I didn't ask her what was wrong, I just asked how her day was, just in conversation.

I asked you that because I know you have the tendency to not ask her!! You need to nip these things in the butt when they happen....call her on it so to speak.

I agree. H4U, you seemed to have real success with that approach, remember?

Puppy

And, when you ask her what's wrong, you don't have to guess/build resentment. YOu get your answers right then and there. Ignoring things is what got me and my H into trouble, and many others. Sometimes all you have to do is ask. Like Puppy said, it worked for you before.