Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Had enough......

I don't want to beat a dead horse here, or anything, but I think it's fairly safe to assume that "the fellas" are more interested in the pantie discussion. You know -- just sayin'

Hey Fix,

My H used to get so nervous if I used any of his tools. : ) LOL. When he left he left all of them here and they are all therefore, mine. He still looks nervous when he visits and sees me doing anything with the tools. I just smile. (REALLY big smile.)

And there is very little I can't do. If I don't know how to do something I go on the internet and search for instructions.

The Wifey:

You go! I just had to smile when I read your posting. My H doesn't seem to think that i know how to do anything "right" in his book. There is only one way to do it, HIS way. A MC we saw over the holidays actually asked him where we were installing the insulation in our house because he was making such a big deal about having to do it himeself. "Behind the walls", my H said. "And who will see it behind the walls?" the MC asked. "No one, but I'd know it's done wrong" my H said. <sigh> what a controlling, perfectionistic loser!

Good for you that you've figured out how to do what needs to be done around your house. I'm learning, slowly but surely myself as well.

Take care!

LOL @ the ladies. Isn't it amazing how we never knew what we were capable of?

SP-I honestly don't know what else I can say about my panties. They are string, some with prints, others are solids, and they are cute as the dickens! I just figured that some mention of powertools would bring out the "toolman" inherent in all of you males! LOL I'll be sure to keep your tips on panty discussions and males at the front of my list of things to remember!!

Wait a second, panties and powertools in the same thread? Aren't there rules against that?

That's me! I'm definitely a rule breaker for sure!

UGH! I got my books on Codepency in the mail. I've read them. My STBXH is taking up too much space in my brain. I post about how I am GAL. I don't post about the time I spend in my room, in the dark with my thoughts. I go from angry to confused in less than six seconds at the drop of a hat. I go from wanting the man I imagined my STBXH to be back to wishing he would hurry the hell up and file already. I'm mad that I have his last name hyphenated to mine as it's a constant reminder of what has transpired.

I read all of these self help books and I dredge up past pains that I haven't fully gotten through. I cry and hurt. I am working on me from the inside out. I am even working on my medical health. I feel so frickin' overwhelmed. Yet, anyone who sees me in person would believe I have it all together. Even here I project a "she's so strong" vibe.

I don't put my guard down. I tried with my STBXH and it would eventually get turned around to us talking about him and his feelings. I always help others. I am the go to girl for advice. I make others feel so inferior and like they can't measure up because I appear to be a weeble (I get knocked down, but I get right back up). This is a positive to some. My miraculous ability to get through everything with a positive attitude. I feel fake. I don't know who I am. My mantra of faking it until I make it is not a good thing because now I don't know who the genuine Shawna is. I deserve an Oscar. I am the best actress in the world. This is not me being narcissitic, it is my reality.

I go out of my way to not go by where my STBXH lives. I backspace on here when I type husband to put STBXH. (Why do I do this?) I want so bad to go read his MSN profile and see if he has been on youtube, but I've made a goal not to do that and I don't. I however, check my blog more times than I should daily to see if he has checked it. I have it in my head that a certain link to it is him. What is up with this delusional thinking? I post on my blog my GAL in hopes he sees it. This is me being honest. This is me being real. I feel pathetic. I feel so tired. I feel fake.

GTFM,

I'm sorry you're in such pain right now. This, too is a form of doing the work.



I've been on this particular rollercoaster from hell a few times. Ride'll be over soon. Always is.



it is so totally overwhelming at times, but I admire you putting on brave front or even an outward-only PMA



Yes, you do have a good heart.And give generous, reasoned advice.



But at least you never engage in any mindreading now, do you?



You sound tired. Honest. Real. Human. Tired.
Breathe. Rest. Wait for better words that are bound to come into this thread from those who know you more than I.
((({{{[[[]]]}}}))) and prayers

You've been soooooo strong throughout your sitch. It is good that you come here to be real. You are human.

I really relate to what you're saying. Usually when you ge through one of this dark patches, you will have much more insight that follows.

You're too smart to get through this without growing and growing is painful.

I know what you mean about not knowing who you are. You are still you, just improving...

It is humbling and reassuring to watch all of our ups and downs. We are in it together, just so vulnerable, human and strong all at once.

Thanks so much to you both.

Gucci,
If you are reading this, I need your help. I've kept your post to me about my situation and refer to it alot when I am down. I do not want to take your advice about filing for divorce for a very specific reason. I have paid for everything in this relationship from bailing his checking account out due to him overdrawing it to gamble prior to us getting engaged, paying for his visa to come to the US to marry me, to supporting and buying him every little gadget and tool he has. I refuse to spend another dime on this man. He needs a divorce from me in order to get his permanent residency in November. If I pay for the divorce it is one less thing he has to work for. I believe he should pay for his right to live the single life he wants as well as for his residency rights. He will be deported otherwise. He either has to be married and in a relationship with me or divorced from me to get his citizenship. I am not refusing to divorce him as punishment. I am refusing because I do not wish to spend any more of my hard earned money that belongs to me and my family on someone who is selfish and does not have my best interests at heart.



I have not contacted him at all since I sent him the apology letter. I have not heard anything other that a request to let him add me to his friend list on MSN. I do post on my blog about my GAL activities sporadically and I do believe that he checks it as a link to it is from an old post that I deleted that references changing and someone (isn't him) posting that maybe he isn't able to change in the responses.

I am working through the crap, but still find myself wanting the good times back. I do however get so very angry remembering the things that got me to the point of where I was at the end of our relationship. Then I get even more angry when I think of the lies and betrayal I've had to deal with. I know I don't want my husband as he is or was back. I want the fantasy and the promised husband. *sigh*

Give a chic a break and 2x4 me. I know I deserve better. I know that there is so much that he would have to do for me to ever trust and take him back. I don't believe he is capable so why can't I just let this go? Is it codependency?? Someone clue me in!