Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Loosing Sleep

oh, OK! Fair enough. Just wanted to make sure she wasn't giving you a "honey-do" list before she left!

Actually i wanted to keep myself busy without having to think about her for a while. She wanted to help, so i let her, but I am happy just vegging for a while. watched the Yankee game last night...didn't feel like cleaning, i am enjoying my peaceful mess for a few days. wanting to go out more with friends, and feeling that i could be OK if it was over, i guess this is the whole point of this sight.

and the Yankees WON, too!

"Yankees win! YYYyyyyyyyANK-ees win!!!!"

puppy dog what is your sitch??

I am feeling lonely and vulnerable and am tired of feeling this way, My wife and I are still friends, I find myself fantasizing about her, and I want to check myself into a clinic..yikes. When will this pain end. She is in CA for a few days with the kids, If she were home I would not want to see her because i miss her, and don't want to feel stress, What are the chances that she will miss me and decide to work things out? Stupid question i know, i just want things to be better then better.

BBM, come on, focus. You cannot control what your W thinks or does. I know it's hard, but you have to focus on you and let God take care of the rest. Neither of us can make our W's do or feel anything. Worrying about it, while I completely understand, is not going to help. In fact, it will push you down and make you appear negatively in front of your W. You (and I) have to be upbeat and happy in front of them.

Go ahead and get out whatever down emoitions you have before you W returns. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, God knows I understand.

Last week, I really worked on dropping the rope - not giving up on M, just realizing that if the worst happens, I WILL be OK. In fact, I will be a better person in the long run, no matter what. It doesn't mean I will not hurt, but I will prevail as a stronger, wiser person. If my W chooses not to be my next relationship, that is her loss. Regardless, I will still see my kids and will be a great father.

Focus.

thanks for helping ALL...just do not have anyone to unload on and I needed to unload a bit..... Hope you are having good week..

I get set back sometimes when I think about it, but I feel guilty for "taking care of myself" in this separated state, I do not want to replace this behavior with normal sexual intimacy, I feel that even me doing this in the past may have been a contributor to the way I treated my wife. I want any and all sexual behavior to be shared with her alone. I have read that this is natural because it is like eating, but over indulgence is bad just like it would be in over-eating. I do not partake in Pornography, nor do I want that in my life. My goal is to reestablish proper intimacy with my spouse, no matter how long this takes.. any words of encouragement would be helpful for me to put this power on hold for a little while, or when ever

Just keep yourself busy and you'll slowly get out of the funk you're in. True it's no substitute for sexual intimacy, but not everything about you is sex right?

I started going out on my own when it was convenient for me and her and made sure I didn't "overdo" it so I wasn't neglecting my kids. I also decided to rebuild my friendship with W at the same time so I've been having little light talks with her before she goes to bed, but nothing too heavy to seem like it's pursuing.

My W also has low self-esteem which she doesn't bother to do anything about. In fact, when I go out to work out or do something on my own, she seems to get more depressed or angry. I have told her before that she could go out and do whatever she wanted to (hang out with friends, go to the gym, etc.) but she doesn't. After awhile, you figure out that you can lead the horse to water, but can't make them drink.

Have you done the reading yet? 5 LL and others? Maybe you should look up depression and self-esteem so you see things from her POV and learn how to better interact with her. It's obvious she liked the little ego lift from the OM. There must be a way you can do it to. It'll start off small, but you got to start somewhere.

I hope not!! But it is on my mind a lot..I bought the His needs her needs book, and it kind of depressed me a bit because she is not there yet...wanting to work on relationship, I saw my councilor last night and she said that it was OK that i did not read those books at the moment. But I do know that my heart is into reading those books and to improving, I am still in Phase 1...developing self esteem and removing the dependency piece. Funny thing..i did not feel dependent until the bomb..I am feeling very vulnerable today because my wife is in CA, where her parents are..where the OM lives, but he (OM) has told her he does not want contact with her, and ruin her marriage, i am pretty sure he realizes that my wife may be a little unstable at the moment, and that he was being nice to make her feel good. Good for him, and she assured me that she would not be seeing him. But I do not know if it is true, because she was supposed to not correspond with him according to our councilor, and I found an email, innocent as it was, just not keeping her word. I am trying not to stress but this is difficult. I have to be trustworthy, giving her her space, and let her see me as a strong compassionate man. Just not believing in myself lately.