Both of you are making valid points based on what you've done and experienced in each of your separate sitches. What I'm going to learn from it, I'm not sure yet. I'm just waiting for the dust to settle. Not taking sides or anything, I just see it as a man and woman and how they talk to each other.
No, Stuck I think what Gucci is making is an observation based on every relationship he's ever studied, including the hundreds on this very forum. And his opinion is that his way works, and the other way rarely -- if ever -- does.
It is sad to watch people toss out marriages, repackage themselves and just do it all over again. It has impacted the lives of people I care deeply about. And, it is the easiest trap to fall into.
Alive. YOU didn't toss out the marriage. HE DID.
What would a spouse have to do before YOU would say enough?
Married to a pedophile? Incest? Rape? Murder? Physical abuse? Verbal abuse?
Would you still do the "work?"
Not me. I am a good person. (not perfect, but good and perfectly fine the way I am)
I won't share my wife with another man. I will let her go if she doesn't want to be with me. I WILL find someone else. I will be happy. There is NOTHING wrong with me NOW. My wife finding another man doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me THEN. It doesn't mean if I find someone else that will and can be exclusive that I am running.
It is YOU saying these things, not me.
I speak Chinese, you speak Russian, we have mostly said the same things.
I don't know you, don't know your W, don't know diddly about your sitch. Don't think you ran or that Stuck would be running if he left.
I DO believe that ending one M, making yourself look better and be busier and going back onto the market (so to speak) changes little.
That may not be entirely true because I've seen alot of the opposite that has worked also. Personally, I think it's going to come down to what kind of person the WAS is. It's like medicine to treat a cold. There are alot of them out there, you just have to use the one that works best for you.
I do appreciate seeing things from a woman's POV though.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I can see why you call yourself Stuck. You seem to have a hard time being decisive. You say you usually see the gray and not black and white. Those types of people have hard time making decisions. They can never just do, but always have to keep going back and forth with asking others what they should do, getting all opinions over and over and over. They think one opinion sounds good for the day or week.. Try that for awhile.. Then panic that it isn't working, and come back for a new fresh opinion. Back and forth... Back and forth...
All the while not realizing that they simply won't make up their mind. They view people that are decisive as "black and white or stubborn and such......... People that are black and white view "gray" as "lazy or laid back or undecisive and it drives the black and white crazy as the relationship develops...
It's like watching our own version of Springer. We'll have to duck when they start throwing chairs.
Stuck- Put the popcorn down and go back and find the 2x4s. Stop f*cking around (a little kung fu, I've spent half my day on here!!). If you are NOT ready to leave or give an ultimatum or what have you then at least answer my questions. What ARE you going to do? Do you get why she doesn't want to f*ck you? You need her frickin' permission to do things, you are another child...yuck, that's what I was in. No woman wants to feel like she's f*cking a child. Get your boundaries straight. Be courteous, respectful AND she doesn't want you right now so GAL. This is the "work" and it is not about leaving IMO, it is about that discipline and when you are ready, you will know what to do.
24 hours no posting about W, for starters (just my advice and was the first step for me feeling better actually). What is Stuck doing?
That may not be entirely true because I've seen alot of the opposite that has worked also. Personally, I think it's going to come down to what kind of person the WAS is. It's like medicine to treat a cold. There are alot of them out there, you just have to use the one that works best for you.
I do appreciate seeing things from a woman's POV though.
That may not be entirely true because I've seen alot of the opposite that has worked also. Personally, I think it's going to come down to what kind of person the WAS is. It's like medicine to treat a cold. There are alot of them out there, you just have to use the one that works best for you.
I do appreciate seeing things from a woman's POV though.
AAK, I'm going to table the "debate" for another day, as I think it's become a distraction to Stuck, and this is his thread.
Well I think that being able to see things in "gray" helps to see the other person's POV which is important in a M. If everyone saw things as black and white (it's my way or the highway) then there would be no compromise. Compromise is what a M is all about. A little bit of give and take.
I know you probably didn't mean to take it to that extreme, but it's helped me in all areas of life like my career and not my R.
When you see things in gray, you realize that there is something wrong before it happens and not just "well I'm not feeling it now, so it must not be real".
There are boundaries that we all set up though that shouldn't be crossed personally and those can be black and white. Like, I don't want a spouse who cheats on me.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
All the while not realizing that they simply won't make up their mind. They view people that are decisive as "black and white or stubborn and such......... People that are black and white view "gray" as "lazy or laid back or undecisive and it drives the black and white crazy as the relationship develops...
I'm chewing on this...good stuff.
I would guess that you've got to see the gray sometimes and the b/w others.
But sure makes my marriage make sense. When H was gray, I was B/W, when H was B/W, I was gray...hmmmm...
