Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Prematurely called divorce busted, worse now

In what way did you check the computer? You need a keylogger.

The cellphone is the best bet, tho.

I was able to bring up chat sessions, etc. she doesn't use the computer as much as the cell phone.

Wouldn't snooping be a put-off, though? If she caught on to what I was doing, it would set us way back, no? I'm still not convinced that it is that bad anyway. I figure that in her mind by going to these business meetings with her old friend, she is securing for herself future employment with a higher salary than she is making now. I have an old friend that I confide in, and am not having an EA. Regardless, I want to make sure I am doing the right thing to give the best chance of our marriage succeeding. I have joined a gym which I actually enjoy going to. I am distancing myself a bit from her, not calling or texting during the day, answering her texts with short, direct answers. Again, what gets me is how she is treating me. No fighting, no arguing, and no one is running for a lawyer.

Put off for whom? You wouldn't do it for HER, you would do it for YOU, to either:

a) give yourself the satisfaction of knowing nothing inappropriate was going on; or

b) give yourself the proof of an EA or PA, so that you could deal with it accordingly.

And you do it in a way that you WON'T get caught, but if I did (and I did, eventually, but only after having more than a month of good intel), I simply said "I did it to try to protect my family, and fight for my marriage." I made no apologies.

Puppy

I see. I didn't think of it that way. It makes sense. I think deep down I resist doing that for fear of what I might find.
Thank you for being a good voice of reason, PDT. I seem to be losing all sense of reason as of late, and it is really bothering me.

OK first off you have to read DB and DR. I'm not sure how you lasted this long without them, but you've been doing some real basic mistakes that would have not been committed if you read them.

Go and read them ASAP. You'll see what I'm talking about. All of your fundamental questions will be answered in there.

I will check out these books. I should have gotten them earlier, but since we still live together and even still share a bed, it would be hard to read them without her knowing. I don't know how she would react if she knew I was reading those books, or even if she knew I posted here. I guess I could read them on meal break at work. It's worth a shot.
What mistakes have I made? I at least tried to use advice from those here who have read the books.

Come on dude...add it to your list of "mysterious" things to do. Spend a little extra time in the can or go out and read...make it happen.

Last night she was less cordial than usual. She got home from her first session with her new psychotherapist, and the first words out of her mouth were "when did the kids go to bed?" After I told her, she went into the bathroom to change for bed. Once we were in the bedroom, she said she wanted to do some work she brought home on the computer in bed. When I told her I didn't mind, that I would be able to fall asleep without a problem, she seemed slightly upset, almost like she wanted me to say it would bother me. Anyway, I did fall asleep. We didn't contact each other at all yesterday during the day. Usually we end up talking or texting at least once. Today we will both be home for dinner, so we will see how that goes.

Orich,

DON'T let her see the books, don't mention them to her at all. There will be sections in the books that you'll say, 'I want her to read this' - resist that and DON'T show her the books. If she sees them she will think you are trying to manipulate her.

This is important and I can't stress it enough.