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Hi LFH and GIMA,

The more I read about young families today......and especially the "working wife/mother" the more concerned I become. You see, I grew up in the early days of the "Women's Lib" movement. In fact, I think everything and everybody was having a movement back then! The group of people who resisted a lot of the women's lib was not down on women drawing equal money as men on the job......as much as some were concerned about what the "movement" and the change in our society would do to our family structure. Now, don't get me wrong here b/c I am a working lady also and I sure want to be paid like a man if I am going to do the same work. Even if I don't do the "same" job, I want to earn enough to be able to be self-supporting if need be. However, equality is not the point....it is about "roles" and when our childrern are left for day cares to raise and one of the parents are on the road traveling or gone at night......it just is not the same as it used to be. Call me old fashion, but I have lived through this change and have seen how it used to be and how it is today.I know what kind of home I grew up in when my mother was there........and I know what my grandchildren have to deal with......so it breaks my heart to see young women try to fill both fulltime jobs of wife/mother and career person. There are not enough hours in a day and she doesn't have enough strength to continue to endure the demands placed upon her before "something" starts to break down. It may be the M or problems with the kids......or the career......but sooner or later, something has to give. I'm not here to protest agains "anything"........that is not my reasoning. My point is that sooooo many marriages and families are splitting up b/c the women are choosing their career "over" the family. I feel that if they was a full time career....that's fine, but to have little children and try to work like your W is doing is going to place somebody or something under a tremdous strain.

We are seeing affairs take place in the workforce. People are on their cell phone or laptops most of the time and I wonder if they are forgeting how to communicate the old fashion way that we use to call "talking" face to face instead of using technology. I certainly don't have anything against technology.....b/c I am using it right now! It is what I see taking place in homes. So, I'll get off of that and didn't mean to take up so much space except I wanted to tell you that you are amoung millions of other people going through this very situation. However, in spite of things being like they are, it can be turned around. Someway....somehow your W must see that she must give more of herself to this family. I don't see how this is going to survive as a family unit.



I see a lot of that happening in the stories here on the board. I believe that most people are going to spend more time and energy into whatever or whoever makes them feel important. That is why a lot of people have EA's. They feel neglected and the ego goes down the toilet and first thing you know....wham, another person is giving them attention. W's used to complain about their H's being M to their jobs, but now H's are saying that about women. It can go both ways and it is sad either way.



Typical of what I was talking about. If you and she ever sit down and you think you have her cooperation, there needs to be a house rule about that. Listen, when your kids get older, everybody in the house will be in a different room on a cell phone or a computer talking to everybody but each other! What kind of family life is that? You W needs to wake up and realize what she is doing.



Very true! Unfortunately, many people are all about "material things" and are blind to what is really important. Their children grow up spoiled on materialism and wouldn't know how to put in an honest day's work if their life depended on it. At least your kids have a dad that sees the value in hard working and knowing what is truly important (which has little to do with things you "buy").

LFH, regardimg moving to a new city, I sure know how that is! Very stressful in many ways. Also, if it doesn't turn out to be as good as you thought it would be, then you have a tendancy to take it out on the other spouse. Not good, and yes, the S will wear down after a time of negative talk (take it from one that knows). They may not say that "much", but they will eventually shut down.



Have you ever heard an old saying about how two women can not live under the same roof? It is about as true as anything I know. Doesn't matter if they love each other to death! Try having two grown women live under the same roof and there WILL BE trouble!! Two men may make it just fine, but not two adult women b/c one will dominate the home and make it the way she wants it--and God forbid that the other lady make a suggestion or change anything! I know! I thought my MIL was a great person until I had to live in the house with her. We never felt the same after that time. My parents tried to tell me, but I would not believe anything could change my feelings about her. Well, it changed both of us!

So, you had three strikes against you right there......moved to a different location, took it out verbally on wife, and MIL lived under roof with wife. Not good.



Is she more of an introvert? If so, then it may be harder for her to make friends as quickly as you do. I believe that introverted people may be a bit jealous of extroverts b/c of the outgoing personality they wished they had. Just added fuel to the growing fire.



That's it?? Oh my, that doesn't sound good. She needs to be more "rounded out" than that! Does she enjoy doing anything with the children or around the house? I'm wondering why she had children. Don't mean to sound crude but if she isn't interested in making a home, why have a family?



That is very rude and excessively selfish!! I would not be surprised if she did not have some quesionable contacts with OM. I hope not, but this is not a healthy avenue. It may all be female friends and coworkers.......but let's get real.

This backs up what I just said:


An EA waiting to happen.....if it hasn't already!



See, the post you have now is getting more down to the nitty-gritty of things. That is what one has to do to get to the core of the problem. It sounds like over time that she did not "grow" as an individual and apparentely did not feel motherhood was very fulfilling but I am guessing at that). Where the two of you relied on each other and clung together, the children came along and more or less "separated" you both from the activities you once enjoyed together. Then her self esteem plunges deeper and she goes back to work and fills the void and basically GAL in the workforce.......emotionally forsaking her family. It won't be long before she will forsake the family with her physical presence b/c she has almost done that now, hasn't she?

Well, I am very concerned about your MR b/c to be honest....there are more problems that exsist than it was first apparent in your post. You do have reason to worry! If she is not in an EA, I would be surprised. The point is, the more she isolates herself from her family to stay on that computer and cell phone......the more you can bet it is a bad sign! I did the same thing when I had an EA. When I was confronted by my H, I just got more sneaky!

So, what do you do? Just what you have been doing in your 180's. As I told you, they are great. You will get discouraged b/c it is going to be a long road to travel, but if you want this bad enough, you will find the strength to hang with it. You need to post all the time to keep you PMA strong. Reach out to other people here on the board and post on their threads in order to build up your support group.

I will talk to you later.

Sandi

Great post as always Sandi. Makes my day to hear from you and others like Coach, PDT, and the list goes on.

Despite my age, I could not agree with you more on the impact of dual income families. Before anyone thinks I am a pig, I believe a woman should have the same opportunities as a man and should make teh same $$$ for the same job as a man. But, men and women have to realize that we are different and bring two, different, but equally valuable, things to the table for the family. Kids need BOTH their parents for different reasons. I suppose that is one of my motivations for hanging in there.

Hi Sandy,

Thank you for your reply. Oh boy, you have me really worried now about the possibility of OM. My wife has never shown that type of behavior, but that doesn't mean that under this current fog she's not capable of such a thing. For me, this would be a dealbreaker. She has been sneaky of late, but that may just be my imagination running wild. My father cheated on my mother very often. I saw what it did to her, so I have zero tolerance for such activities. That's why I said in an earlier post that if that's what she wants to do, fine, but I want no part of this relationship and I'm moving on. If she is having an EA, why on earth would she want to stay married to me? I just don't understand. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship IMO.

What would be the best way to approach this topic with my wife? Would I just be borrowing trouble? Will it all come out later eventually? Just be patient? If I ask, will it seal my fate with this relationship if she doesn't have OM? Will it drive her in that direction? What to do?

Thanks,
LFH

LFH,

Sorry about your sitch. Glad you landed here at DB. Also glad sandi2 got you to let us really know who you are .

I still haven't mastered the quote thingy, so let me just give you some random thoughts on what you've shared. Getting here, starting telecoaching and jumping into this forum so quickly is great. My telecoach and the people on this forum just put it all together for me from day one.

Sounds like you're off to an admirable (and quite thorough) start on GALing and 180, keep it up with determination and patience and your outlook will soar.

I'm real new here myself, but hope I can help here and there.

You may start to notice people saying "You can do this," fairly often in their replies to each other and I figured out why fairly quickly:

You can do this

Thank you Gardener for your reply. Yes, I can do this! After a lengthy discussion with my brother, we agreed that taking the high road is what's in the best interest of my children. If my wife is having an affair, that will fizzle sooner or later. I suspect the OM is out-of-state anyways. I simply need to focus on myself...improve upon my weaknesses and fortify my strengths. This in turn will put me in a position of being an excellent and resolute father. I know deep down that I am not completely responsible for this situation. Things will work out one way or another.

I'm planning on taking the kids to an amusement park this weekend. My wife returns from her business trip late friday. I'm going to put the kids and myself up into a very nice hotel friday night. I invited her to drive down and join us on saturday if she was up for it. She was surprised by my invitation since it is Fathers' day weekend and didn't expect to be included. I mentioned that we are still a family and she's always welcome if she so desired. I'm planning on having an excellent weekend, with or without the wive. This weekend, it's about me and the kids!

It's great that I'm receiving such awesome support from this forum so soon in the process.

You all are great!
-LFH

Hang in there LFH. Funny that I took my S away for a weekend a few weeks ago to Disney. We had a great time. Bonded with him like I had not before.

I needed a kick in the pants earlier today, but am feeling pretty good about things (being me) right now.

Hi again,

I hope I'm not wearing out my welcome, but I did want to reply to your question about the possiblitity of your W being in an EA.



It is rather hard to explain but I do want you to try to understand that it is not that simple. You remember you saying how unhappy you have been the past ten years and I asked you if you were into porn b/c you were on the computer so much? Well, she isn't into porn but she may be into OM. Maybe that is some type of an equilvalent to porn for males, I don't really know, but I went there myself and I can tell you it is a horrible rollercoaster to get on. The more you can lean about women and EA's the better you will be equipped to deal with this personal stitch b/c it will certainly include you all the way! If......and I do mean "if" she is having an EA, that is exactly what it says....an "emotional" affair. She has made an emotional attachment with another man who is not her H. Her H is the man "who" she should have an emotional attachment with--and him only--as far as the sexual part is concerned.....and it will turn sexual if she's in an EA. It may never get to a PA, but sex will be involved. It starts out as fun "flirtation" but then it grows more intense. That is why she may be getting more attention from more than one man at this time b/c it is still in the flirting stages.

I think you may have referred to something along the lines of being emotionally divorced. Well, that is why she's in the shape she is right now. For a woman (and I can speak for them since I qualify... ;)) we must have that emotionally MR with out H or we will either eventually find somebody else to fill that void--or we will choose to be completely lonely for the rest of our lives. If a W has any life left in her, then she more than likely will meet somebody who is more than willing to show her the attention she craves. Most females crave attention from males. In my "narrow mind" (as society may see it), I think that if womem feel that they are receiving the attention they crave from their H, then they won't go looking to other men for that (if they are normal) but that is my own moral thinking about it. The same is true for men. If they do not receive from their W what they need emotionally and physically they are very suseptive for a fall. It is called being a human being and we are are "capable" of falling. I did not EVER in a million years believe I, Sandi, would do such God-awful, disgusting string of behaviors that I ended up displaying. It is so embarrasing! You have no idea how hard it has been to forgive myself and coming to this board week after week has helped me to do that. Sometimes, I still have the guilt to spring up and it just about drowns me, but I know that is not getting me forward with my MR--and for that sake if nothing else, I must get past what I did and learn from it and maybe be able to help somebody else.



My H and I had a lot of communication problems and we were different on various levels but we did have complete "trust" in each other. I use to say that if something happened that he died before me that I would never live with another man b/c I would never totally trust him like I did my H. Well, guess who broke that cherished trust? I did and it almost destroyed my H. If he had not been the man he is and able to forgive me, we would never have been able to heal over that terrible ordeal.

When a person was exposed as a child to what you were, it certainly is basis for having the feelings you do about cheating spouses. I felt that way and my parents never cheated on each other! But look what I ended up doing! So, you see, it goes beyound just wanting to fool around or cheat on a spouse. It rarely has to do with the fact she doesn't want to continue to be M to you and decides to run away. However.....and this is most important......it can lead to that type of thinking very quickly for her. That is why you need to be sure you handle this the correct way, okay? Let's say she is headed for an EA or maybe already there. The reasons are obvious to me, but I don't know if they are you. It is a "result" of her unhappiness. She feels desparate and is reaching out for understand and probably a lot of ego food. That is what I need b/c I felt like I was going through something similar to a MLC but some say it wasn't that, but whatever it was.....my spirit was starved for ego food. I felt that I was losing my youth, good looks, and sex appeal......and needed to be reassured that I still had all of that. When you and your S have not slept together in years, that is a sure fire way of losing those feelings. That is why I am concerned about your W.....even though you said the sex had been pretty good until lately. It is all about the emotions. It is an affair of the heart and she will try to convince herself that she is in love with OM so it will not make her feel like a wh*re and the totally bad guy in this stitch. She will point fingers at you and try to justify her reasons for the EA. None of it will, but she will give it a good shot.

I think the first visalbe signs of a W in an EA is when she loses interest in spending time with her H and kids. She no longer cares about making a "home" and she just goes there to hang out and find ways to contact OM. I hope these are women friends that she is talking to, but there is a good chance some are men and I don't want to make you freak out, but in the beginning......I had more than one man. It was later that I dropped the other men when my H discovered my Internet activity and confronted me and demanded I delete those contacts. I did.....except for one. I hung on to him and b/c of things escalating between me and H, it drew me and OM closer together. I was in a bad place and other man took advantage and I was fooled by his silver talk and fell for everythig he told me. I had no idea.....no information....never read anything about the false chemicals that flood the brain of the woman and feels like that new "in love" good feelings--and she thinks she's really falling in love with this jerk! She is delussional and it will all come crashing down.....in time. The point is how "much" time will it take? Nobdy knows b/c it varries. Each stitch is different. Also, it depends on whether she is in MLC or if she has symptoms of a WAW. I think your wife is showing early signs of a WAW but she probably is not in MLC at this age.....but don't know that positively. I thought I was but others did b/c of my age. I've read people who thought their S was going through MLC at 20 something, and I'd think.....WHAT?

It's almost midnight and I'm tired so I'll check back tomorrow and try to pick this up where I left off.

Take care,
Sandi

Hello Sandi,

Thank you for your post. Of course, I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, so I'm reading on this forumn. I suspect the OM is out-of-state. Am I driving myself crazy over something that may not exist? What should be my next steps? I want to handle this very gracefully. Should I simply be as nice as possible to her at this point? She comes back home late friday night from out of town. I do not want to misdiagnose this situation as her just wanting space to think things through. She still spends time with the kids (she had 5 day vacation with kids and her parents at their lakeplace last week.) She still cleans around the house. So she has not completely detached from homelife, just me. What are your thoughts?

Thanks,
lfh

Good morning LFH,

I'm glad to hear that your W is still showing interest in the home and her children. I must have thought otherwise.....but that is a good sign that she hasn't completely isolated herself from reality.

I don't know that you would go along with what I suggest as to how you need to handle this, but here goes anyway. First fo all, you don't know that she is in any A at all, right? So, do not accuse her of having one without any proof. Now, some H's want to put a keylogger on the computer and look up cell phone records and other things to find some record-keeping that proves something rotten is going on. But, if she keeps a laptop with her all the time to do her personal emails, etc. then you can probably forget that route. My recommendation to you is to act "as if" she is not in any A with another man. You didn't really think so (I suppose) before I started writing about the signs of an EA. I guess you were more or less "spouting off" about it in one of your posts b/c then it hit you when I said what I did about the possibility of her in an A.

Some men think the W should be confronted and to start laying down the rules as to how things will be. Unless you have solid proof that she is indeed having an A, please, please don't accuse her or even hint to her that you suspect something b/c it will be like pouring gas on a fire. I was playing and flirting with men on line when I was hooked on a game on the web. At first I saw no harm in a little flirting. It was fun! But then this "need" for more begin to grow inside of me. I was in trouble. I could try to analyze why I did what I did but this is about your stitch....not mine. I do want to tell you that when my H discovered my activity over the Internet.......he confronted me and I did as he wanted and deleted my on-line "friends" and I thought they were all gone. Somehow this one man still could tell when I went on line and he contacted me. When he did, I clung to him for dear life b/c he was the only one I had left to "play" with. I know, this all sounds so sickening, but I want to try to explain how things can happen. The ironey of it was he was probably one of the least of the men I found physically attractive or sexy. But, when I tried to tell him good-bye, I asked him if he would have ever come to get me if I had asked him. Oh, the man knew how to work it!! Everything he told me was what I wanted to hear.....and he knew all the right words to say. There's no telling how many women he had on line that he told the same thing to. When my H found out about "him" then he put more pressure on me and I resorted to more sneaky ways of contacting the OM. My H could not follow me around and he wasn't at work with me. So, I had plenty of opportunity to contact the OM! Yes, my H would sneak up behind me when I was on the computer at home. It would make me so furious I wanted to explode! He would backtrack the "history" on the computer to see where I had been. I'm not sure of the different ways he found out what I was doing but he knew the OM's name and where he lived and my H had him investigated. Anyway, enough about that.

To tell you the honest truth, I think that I would not have become involved with "this" OM to the point I did if my H had not confronted me. I don't know how far I would have carried on my inappropriate behavior with the other men I was playing games with. Maybe it would have "run its course" and I would have stopped that nonsense and regained my normal "self" again. I won't ever know b/c it didn't go down that way. I only know that when my H tried to put pressure on me that it made everything much worse. I think it is up to the individual man as to how he feels he must handle his own stitch. I know you already have very strong feelings about cheating but when you find out it has actually happened to you......it may be different.

I can tell you that I have given some men advice to move on and not wait on their W b/c it was not a hopeful stitch at all. On the other hand, I have told many men here on the board all the DB techniques to use to become a better spouse and to help attract their W back into the MR.......and it has worked! I personally believe you are in that "stage" of your R where you could do that and have great success.

My first suggestion for you would be to approach the "detachment" a bit different than what you are doing. I'm concerned you are coming across as being "cold" to your W. That is the last thing she needs. You can give her free space and personal time for herself without you apprearing to be a cold fish. The point is to act as if you have had an awakening and that you are going to enjoy life. So, you are always in a good mood (not acting like a clown or stupid, but in a relaxed and generally good mood). You don't talk negative and you aren't critical of anyone or anything when in her presence. You spend special time with the children. Playing with the children and having a great time making them giggle and squeal can be a "turn-on" for some women. They love watching their H's play with their children and making them happy. However, if your W is the type that noise puts her in a bad mood, then something away from the house or either something in a more "hushed" atmosphere would be better. Hard to do, isn't it?

Planning fun things is the best route to take when the R is under attack. Things are strained so you want to stay away from anything that is "formal" like eating out in a romantic atmosphere. Make everything as "light hearted", fun and relaxed as you possibly can. When at home, look your best all the time....but expecially when she's home with you. Don't get sloppy and let yourself go. You can wear jeans and a T-shirt and still look hot if you are clean and have your hair fixed and wear great cologne. People laugh when I tell them that and then come back and tell me how well that worked for them.... That clean smell on men works for women! Add their favorite cologne and it will hit her "senses"--even if she never says a word.

Remember how you "acted" sexy before M? Well, do it again. Women look at how men present their bodies. The way they stand and walk. The way a man sits on the couch or in his chair. The way a man may lean up against the doorway....all these little things that she will not mention.....she still notices. Your tone of voice is one of the most important things to her. If you raise your voice or sound gruff to her ears.....you have dug your grave deeper. Never talk loud b/c you are defeating your purpose. If you talk in a soft, gentle and caring tone of voice, she will listen to what you say a lot quicker. There are times that you will want to use your gentle sexy voice for only her ears. There may come a time that you will have to use a stern voice with her, but never yell at her in anger or being stern b/c you loose the influence you wanted to achieve. So, tone of voice is vital.

Being an interesting individual is important. You may have to take up a new hobby, sport, some type of activity that is new and different just so you will have something new in your life that helps break up the "same old....same old". You do not want to be boring to her, and when you do different things, that adds interest......plus it gives you something new to talk about. Some W's hear the same old stories and jokes until they could die everytime he starts to tell it to another person.

You can seem mysterious in a way. By that, don't ever, ever lie to her, but you can be a little "vague" about all the details. I give the example of getting up and touching up the hair or whatever....putting on shoes....(whatever you would need to do) and start to leave the house. You tell her you are going out for a minute and if she asks where you are going or why, you tell her you're going for an ice cream cone (or something like that). Now remember, you don't lie to her, okay? She will wonder what on earth you are "really" doing. But, you actually go out and go get an ice cream cone.....and maybe drive around....go to Wal-mart....or Home Depot. When you come in an hour later and she's wondering why it took you so long......and if she asks, you tell her that you felt like killing time and just drove around or went to Wal-mart to look around. One night when things seem too quiet and as if you are thinking about something....you get up and tell her you think you will go to the mall. If she asks anything, you tell her..."No special reason, just want to look around". You see, you do all the things you tell her, but she is wondering if there is more to it. The point is NOT to make her think you are having an affair or meeting up with somebody. The point is to be a little mysterious b/c it adds spice to the tired R. One man tried the ice cream suggestion. He said he was laying in bed with his W, got up and quickly dressed to leave. She asked him what was going on and he said he wanted to go gert ice cream. She looked at him as if he had lost his mind, but he went and got ice cream and came back later. To make a long story short.....their M survived. It is little things like that that may sound very silly, but if done correctly.....it works.

You do not want to put any pressure on her. Don't tell her at odd times that you love her. My H would do that and I knew he was pressing me to tell him back that I loved him also. Oh, I couldn't stand it! Pushing physical affection on her when or where you would not usually do that.....is pressure. If you always have hugged or kissed her when either of you left the house, then that's fine. But, don't just go to where she is and interrupt her to lay a big fat wet kiss on her to get a reaction. If things were great in the MR, that would be fine, but things aren't great so she will see that as pursuing. Under your circumstances, I would not tell you to stop the usaul things of the kissing good-bye or hugging hello.....whatever the two of you are in the "habit" of doing. I have reasons for saying that but don't have time to explain everything today. You'll have to trust me on this one. Others, I might tell them to stop doing what is the "normal" and do it differently, but I think where the signs of affection are concerned in your R, you need to try to continue what you've done. If things in the M begin to rapidly change, then we can talk about another step to take.

You don't want to pursue her and women who are thinking about walking away from their M can see a lot of things as pursuing. Giving her flowers or buying gifts "can" be seen as pursuing at this time. Now, in the past.....that would have been wonderful.....but not now. Her thought process has changed. She is going through a transition. You have to be careful.

You do not want to be "too available" at her every whim. You know what I mean? Make yourself unavailable at times. Don't be inconsiderate if she is depending on you to carry out your responsibility. For an example, if you were suppose to pick up one of the kids, then be responsibile and do that. But, I mean don't just be there at her beck & call when you are home with her. You are not her servant and you do not want to be treated like one. There is something about a man hard to get that makes him more desirable. Human nature, I suppose. We want what we think we can't have. Just like before M and you weren't so easy to get......YOU were exactly what she wanted. And visa-versa, b/c you wanted her badly, right? However, if she had fallen at your feet and clinged to your legs and you couldn't have walked....would you have been attracted to her? I seriously doubt it.

The entire point here is to make yourself attractive to her. All these ways (and some more I haven't time to discuss) helps you become that man she wants again. Somewhere, the two of you lost that closeness and now she may be on the verge of turning to another person to meet her needs. You still have time to turn things around and draw her back to you by changing yourself. However, it is most important that you undrestand these changes MUST BE FOR LIFE and not just a ploy to win her back into your arms. I promise if that is your intent....to change to get her back......it will not work. You will not continue to stick with your changes and she will end up leaving later. Therefore, these changes must be for YOU. You will have to prove to her that the changes are meant to stick for life b/c she will be very leary at first, so don't get discourged and think it is not working. It must work for YOU if nothing more. You are the one to live with yourself and you want to be the best you that is possible.

Oh, I must go for now but I'll be back. Have a good day.

Sandi

Hi Sandi,

Thank you for Friday's email. I'll try my best to digest it all. You packed in alot of information...you should consider writing a book about your experiences and advice.

Well, this past weekend was mixed. I took the kids to SeaWorld Friday evening. It was a blast! The W was coming back late Friday from her NYC business trip. I invited her to drive down and join us Saturday morning. She called saturday at 7:30 a.m to tell us that she was not coming. Then at 8:30, she called again to tell us she was coming. She didn't stay very long at the park with us, my D2.5 became tired at 2:30 p.m., so my W drove her back home. During our time together at the park, my W was civil yet distant towards me. My S5 and I stayed for a few more hours and then drove back as well. When we arrived home, my W had dinner ready for all of us. I did the dishes and helped with the kids. That was nice of her.

On Sunday, I went golfing with my friends. I assumed the W and kids went to 10:30 mass together like they always do (I'm not welcome to go to church with them). When I arrived home (11:30 a.m.), they weren't there like usually are. I figured they were out getting Father's Day stuff. When they finally arrived (1:45 p.m.), my son said they went to the beach instead. I was surprised b/c I told my W on Thursday that I was going to take the kids to the beach after golfing. I was upset. My W is extremely critical of me for not listening, and here she is doing the same thing. She said that she did not recall this conversation. I told her how disappointed I was...but she took it as me being nasty to her again. I said that all during this separation I was trying to be as inclusive of her as possible and that it hurt that she didn't do the same. Again, she took it as me being nasty. Nevertheless, the tone was set for the rest of the afternoon. I did see tears come from her eyes...it killed me. I blew it. I took the kids swimming at the community pool instead that afternoon. I did end up receiving a card and golf balls, which was very nice of my W, but I feel like I may have really blown it with her. My W did make a nice Father's Day dinner with one of my favorite dishes.

Later this evening, I took out my computer to find that my W was searching for homes for herself. She simply left her last internet page open when the computer battery shut down on her. I asked about this, and she said that she was simply looking. She stated that she did not have a realtor, nor an attorney.

Later that night, I went to her bedroom to say that I appreciated her efforts for my father's day. She did reiterate that I was nasty to her earlier this afternoon. I apologized, but of course, it didn't matter. She said that she was simply being civil towards me during this process.

Sandi...this is typical for me...I do great DB work 98% of the time, then the other 2% absolutely kills me. It feels like I'm digging my own grave here. I don't know what to do next. I guess just dust myself off and keep trying. I hope I'm not too late with my efforts.

What are your thoughts and advice? I feel that when my W gets all of her "ducks in row", she's gone for good. She is just tolerating me for the interim.

Sincerely,
LFH