Hmmm. Not sure I agree. Not about calmly saying that you know everything that is going on, but about telling her to leave. I think I would point out the agreement you had, that you are not alright with what she is doing, you know she is doing X, and that you do not respect her for it. Then turn on your heal and let her stew.
I told my h that he had to choose to work on the M or leave. That day. Immediately. I regret it still.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Hmmm. Not sure I agree. Not about calmly saying that you know everything that is going on, but about telling her to leave. I think I would point out the agreement you had, that you are not alright with what she is doing, you know she is doing X, and that you do not respect her for it. Then turn on your heal and let her stew.
Wow...that sounds like a devastating attack (Not). I consider it the best thing for me that I asked my wife to leave and she did. Yeah, she was out of the house...but at least I could respect myself for not accepting what she was doing. Had your husband stayed, it would have been just more of the same....cheating until he got the nerve to leave on his own without your nudge. If he really didn't want to go, do you really think he would have left because you told him to?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Wifey....try to remember, this is the culmination of 14 months of what I thought was DBing....maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. That discussion is pretty much done at this point. So is the one that argues her reasons for what she allowed to happen between us all this time.
Considering the past year+, and all that has happened recently, and more discussion with her last evening, I have reached a point of understanding where she is coming from, and where we are headed....not that I had much doubt over the past week or so.
In some respects (I say this knowing it may open up a whole new can of worms) the OM is a non issue for me right now. Those feelings may change, I don't know, and if any of you feel the need to comment on me hanging on to my self respect and nuts....please feel free.
Yesterday, before I left for work, I told my wife she needed to make some time so we could talk. I reminded her that I was not going to live with, or condone what was going....EA, future PA...whatever you want to call it, and did not feel it was my place, considering what I know now, to leave...regardless of what I said and you expected.
That was pretty much word for word...and left for work.
We got home from work about the same time, she was pleasant, we chatted a bit, mentioned the need for some shopping that I was going to do.
She said she had planned to go after dinner(can't remember the last time she went grocery shopping alone). She also sat down and did some banking and bill paying of hers that had sat undone for too long....then she made dinner, which she has also not done in quite some time.
She made herself a drink and asked me if I wanted one, and I accepted. She ate and I skipped because I had eaten late at work.
I was waiting a little while but had all intentions of not letting this go another night if she didn't get started, but she did..."So, do you want to talk now??...go ahead".
I told her no....this is all you right now. You tell me what we are doing and how you think we are going to handle this, and I will tell you what I think.
She said "If it will be easier on you, and it's what you want, I will move out and get an apartment".
That's part one....part 2 is the R talk, OM crap and finance BS, which I will come back for.
I just wanted to say that last night as I talked to my wife, she was calm and cool. We sat and talked like 2(yes 2)normal intelligent people going through a load of crap and trying the best we can to not let it ruin our lives.
When I come back to tell what was said, it will be a repeat of what she told me...maybe not what is going to happen, maybe not the truth or how things will play out...but what I heard from her last night.
With that, I just wanted to say..I am still getting my(our)affairs in order, going to see a lawyer and watching my back....I've been listening and watching...I'm not stupid and although she surprised me with her honesty and candor, I know that I could still be in for a load of crap.
Her moving out, legally, may not be a bad thing. When you meet with your L, make sure you ask him about your state's "abandonment" law, and his interpretation as it relates to your custody.
My wife was very close to doing this at one point during her affair, looking at apts., etc., and my attorney told me it would be VERY good for my request of full custody of our boys if she had gone ahead with it. Told me to make sure I didn't ENCOURAGE her, but that I needn't DIScourage her, either.
Hmmm. Not sure I agree. Not about calmly saying that you know everything that is going on, but about telling her to leave. I think I would point out the agreement you had, that you are not alright with what she is doing, you know she is doing X, and that you do not respect her for it. Then turn on your heal and let her stew.
Wow...that sounds like a devastating attack (Not). I consider it the best thing for me that I asked my wife to leave and she did. Yeah, she was out of the house...but at least I could respect myself for not accepting what she was doing. Had your husband stayed, it would have been just more of the same....cheating until he got the nerve to leave on his own without your nudge. If he really didn't want to go, do you really think he would have left because you told him to?
Sorry Phoenix. The assumption that my H cheated is off the mark. Unfortunately, he is physically not able to cheat, and that is part of our problem. He isn't physically capable with me or anyone. But, I do understand what you are saying.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
