I had the opportunity to speak to my xh today. The conversation lasted ever bit of 2 min or so. It was about my vehicle that is on a loan he pays. I am having some problems with vehicle. We also spoke about our sons birthday coming up soon. He was nice and answered all my questions. Not overly nice, just not hateful. I could tell he wanted to get off the phone quickly. I could tell he didnt mind speaking to me but only briefly. He started to get angry *at himself* during the end of the conversation. I say this because its the same pattern he had after we would be intimate at the beginning of this. He even told me once. He wants to speak to me then gets mad at himself for talking with me. I feel this is why he wants to make the conversation quick. I said my thank you and hung up. I stuck strictly to the point. When he hung up he didnt even say bye, but thats ok. I can tell you from talking to him, he is still fighting something. He is struggling within himself. He is happy with gf, but still wants to communicate with me, but he is fighing it. It is a gut feeling I have, and I dont think I am wrong. I know him. I will not speak to him again for a couple months, but I do feel I need to keep in touch just a little. I want to win back his trust, I think he will need me in the future. I do still love him very much at this point. I am praying and I believe GOD is gonna move in my situation. IRMAC please keep us in your prayers as I will you. GOD is GREAT! and I think GOD for seeing a little bit of my h in him today.
sl Im glad you had a pleasant conversation with your X I do understand the need you feel to try to keep him in your life and win his trust the crises will take a long time and over time your consistancy of not nagging begging or confronting I believe gives them a sense of trust at the same time you seem like you are doing waht you can to move ahead with your life that is the important part and in time you may care less and less about the connection to your X I care less now than last year
good luck peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I could tell he wanted to get off the phone quickly
Do something totally opposite on what he expects. If you call him for help with something, say thank you and get off the phone as soon as you can. He will expect you to ramble on. It will get him thinking.
If he calls you for something...either let it go to voicemail and call him back at a later time (also makes him think) or answer his question and say you have to go.
but I do feel I need to keep in touch just a little.
May I ask why you feel this need? or better yet, ask yourself why you feel this need. Be honest with yoursel.
Trapt I think I am scared that he will NEVER call, and I will never see or talk to him again, so I try to keep in touch every once in awhile. I am afraid he could go forver with reaching out to me for anything, even a simple phone call and this scares me. I miss him sooo much and I still love him. I havent been touched by another man in over 20 years and it just doesnt feel right to lose him forever. You asked for honesty and there you have it.
I could tell he wanted to get off the phone quickly
Do something totally opposite on what he expects. If you call him for help with something, say thank you and get off the phone as soon as you can. He will expect you to ramble on. It will get him thinking.
If he calls you for something...either let it go to voicemail and call him back at a later time (also makes him think) or answer his question and say you have to go.
Do a total 180 from what he expects.
I try to do this. I tried to end the conversation before he did and he beat me to it. We only talked for around 2 and a half min., I got to ask only a couple questions. Conversation went like this.
XH-Hello ME-xxxx? XH-Yea ME-I think I may have to trade my vehicle (its in his name). (I then explained why). XH-It's just your brakes. ME-You think so? XH-Yep, (the next part was said sarcastily) You probably need to get someone to look at em'. ME-O.K... then I asked about insurance on our house. XH-Insurance is thru xxxx and we have xxxx. XH-Well I'm gonna go. ME-Are you Planning on taking son out of town for his birthday (the reason I asked this, is because for the last few years they have went fishing for a few days for sons birthday. XH-I dont know yet ME-Well he wants...(I told him what son wanted) XH-Well I am not getting him that. ME-Ok, well Thank You xxx. Talk to Ya Later. XH-(said nothing, just hung up)
How did I do?
I dont have to worry about him calling me. He maybe has called me 3 times in 8 months. It was always me calling him.
I miss him sooo much and I still love him. I havent been touched by another man in over 20 years and it just doesnt feel right to lose him forever.
Sunshine, I agree with everything you say. I'm the same way, I still love my xh. At least you get to talk with yours, I haven't talked to mine in over a year & now I understand he is in another country with OW.
