Thank you Drew. I actually stopped posting that list for a while b/c I was afraid people were sick of seeing it..... I lost my updated list when my computer crashed, but found it over on Mindblank's old thread. I had redone it a few times but I think that was the latest. I copied a few more lines and added to the one I had sent on the thread you saw.
Anyway, I sure hope it will help somebody. I will check back to see how you're doing.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have read Sandi2's list everyday for 2-3 months after the bomb and its still hanging on the wall in my cube at work. It really helped me through some tough days at work.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
just some journaling which will be short since very little has happened since I went by my W's place last Tues. I have really become quite unavailable since that date and plan to at least til the 6th. I will be going out of town for 10 days for job training. I will probably put out a general statement out that I am going out of town on my FB and that's it. Besides DB forums I have spent very little time on the internet. I would say that at least in my W and SIL's perspective it looks like I have fallen off the face of the earth. I have had a very PMA the last few days and managing to detach pretty well. If she needs to contact me for any reason my cell phone will be on.
... and no word on any kind of filing for D on her end..
I have had some really good days. I've been kind of dark and just focusing on myself. Staying away from the internet (namely FB) has worked wonders. I went to my Dr yesterday and she put me on another ADHD drug which is very beneficial. Pardon my french though but ADHD drugs are frakkin expensive!!!!! I haven't heard a thing about my W lately and that is ok. I have gotten news about the SIL though. She and my friend split 2 weeks ago and she told him she would probably never get over her dead H. Well 2 weeks later she is in a relationship with a guy she had deep feelings for and knew before she ever had met her H. Looks the twins are digging deep into their past to cope with all the tragedy and problems. Gosh I thought my SIL had better sense than this. Ah well not my monkey. I hope everyone has a good 4th. I'll be going to some friends blowout than the next day its on the road for a business trip!
Today my supervisor and I went over a few things before I took off for my job training. He explained to me that my company really looked in on its employees personal development. I got a suggestion on a few books for managing people effectively and communication skills. He even suggested taking a free stress relief seminar at the local mental health center, that he did it and it was very informative. I told him that it was ironic that I was doing a lot for my own personal growth and health and a lot of the reason is to be able to focus to the best of my ability on my career. I didn't get into my W situation or the BIL death but I know he knows about the BIL. It's funny I think growth toward my career could also benefit me in my R with my W or with whoever I end up in the future. I look forward to going out of town for job training and have plans to go to a couple of neat places in the city I am going to. One of my favorite bands is playing during my trip so I will be going to that. I know that they will kick complete @#$#@ I have not initiated conversation with my W in 11 days and plan to go on as long as my trip is (10 days). I don't know if I will wait for her to initiate. I only will if my db coach thinks it is a good idea. I plan to talk to her maybe on of my off days during the trip. I have had a lot easier time detatching and thinking about what I want for myself. I talked to my sister last night and she said she was proud of me for the way I have handled this sitch. She said 'since your wife and SIL are twins the probably both don't know what they want and couldn't be convinced otherwise by anyone. They are in a wishy-washy confused state but time could very well heal this wound between you and W. You also seem to understand that you can't control her actions.' That was some great support right there! She also mentioned that a few of her friends thought I was attractive. That was really nice to hear. I couldn't possibly do anything about that right now nor am I sure I could even in the future but it was nice to hear. I know I certainly won't cheat on my W no matter what my W does. The idea actually makes me feel kind of icky. I am sure a lot of you have been through that. Strange for a guy especially. I do not think that a young M (or young R for that matter) like ours should just peter out and die like this but I am prepared for it too and doing better with fear. It really does feel good to face fear but it is so easy to want to avoid facing fear.
13 days since my W and I have had any contact. It's not so bad really. I know because doing this is better than any pleading or ILY's, I miss you's etc. Not to mention that my sanity is in check. I do miss her though and wish she could go to that show with me as I know it is one of her favorite bands as well as mine. It's ok because my sister is coming down to see them with me and I know I can have fun without my W. She does not complete me. I did my first day of training for my promotion today. Boring! It was all reading and studying but I do believe the next few days will be more intensive. I am staying in a suburb of the city I am doing business in but plan to drive in to town to get dinner and check out the 'strip' instead of getting dinner in some staid chain restaurant. This promotion came at a great time because I truly really am busy and am not available. I need to remember to fill out my days with activity (perhaps take that stress management seminar) when things slow down though.
Had a bad day yesterday... 1st time in a while.. I could not sleep last night and was thinking about all the ways this sitch could turn out and how I would deal with within the DB principles. My problem is my W and I have no kids so it is pretty much to the point we don't necessarily have to have any contact at all. I guess I felt stuck yesterday. Anyway, it has been 17 days since we had any contact. I am not sure if it is a good idea or not but esp. since I am away on business I am sticking with not initiating. Like I said in earlier posts she did seem a little 'softer' than the last few times we saw each other. Is it a good idea to actually back off or seem to back off more when it seems like there is improvement? My DB counselor has suggested the 'dim' technique and I have had my chances to do that but I have been dim for a little while now. Hopefully I can talk to her (db coach) after this trip. Sandi2 I esp hope you have some input for me. I actually am feeling much better today fortunately.
I guess I should add.. how has been less available and detaching been for my own well being? Very good actually. The bad days have been fewer and farther between. I haven't had too many dreams about my W since the bomb but I did the night before last and I think that brought along the negativity. I am glad I drove into the city today. Everytime I have gone into the city to eat and or enjoy myself someone has sparked up conversation with me so I guess the increased PMA has been showing. The city I am staying in is not known as being a very friendly city in fact it is one of the most dangerous in the states (I know my way around it well so no worries) so I am pleased with that. I want to take this attitude home.
This is not related to my M at all but I do want to note it here because I have been thinking a lot about it. I've seen a lot of my parents lately and I can tell they are both really starting to fade. I think it is time I sat down with them both and my siblings and start getting our ducks in a row.
I lost my updated list when my computer crashed, but found it over on Mindblank's old thread. I had redone it a few times but I think that was the latest. I copied a few more lines and added to the one I had sent on the thread you saw. 
I think I am going to do the same and print it out and keep it in my wallet.