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Me too!!!

yay!!! thanks for your support!! I think I'm going to text him something like, "Sweet, I am totally there!!!!! Have fun getting ready for your gig!!"

You guys are right, things work better when I don't push.

as to what to wear... Comfort is key and the best option in terms of event-appropriateness (bird dress) is really too tight to be comfortable (inhibits breathing). how is it that I have so many clothes and nothing to wear???

OMG, WHERE DID YOU SEE MY PICTURE????? Crave to know!!!

T,
didnt you play your celo at a friend of yours wedding?
S

Girls, I have "my ways"....

Hey T... I wouldnt say anything to him either and if yuo feel more comfortable turning up with a friend, go with that...and the sexy halterneck, or get to the shops QUICK and buy something! I am the same.. tonnes of clothes (literally, draws under the bed, two hanging shelves worth, a double wardrobe full, some in an overspill wardrobe and two or three large storage bags of older stuff) and over explanations aside, I also have nothing to wear usually! I have come to the conclusion that I am a really really bad shopper.

Hey.. I found you too!! Eventhough I had your full name, I never thought to look before but I found your pic and a video of you playing cello (I think?). Wow, you're pretty!!! And great at cello! Now if you join FB under your secret alias, you can see all our pics too ! Go on, I double dare ya..

Hugs Al xxx

Dear ones,

Thanks for all of your advice. I decided to go with the green mermaid dress--my friend lent me a hoodie that looked great and dressed it down so it didn't look quite as intense.

I got to the place he was playing about 10 minutes late and they hadn't started. He seemed excited to see me and gave me a hug and then I said, "I'll let you get ready" and went and sat down by myself at a table in the corner.

His band was great!! Banjo, mandolin, guitar, and B on the violin/fiddle. They normally have a bass player but he forgot about the gig (weird?) It was a little weird watching him, I didn't want to gaze adoringly at him the whole time he played so I think I ended up gazing adoringly at his bandmates instead.

I wasn't sure if I'd feel comfortable without my little hoodie on over the extremely sexy halter top but it was about 90 degrees in the place so it had to come off. I ordered some tea and surveyed the crowd... NO Asian girl from his gig last year. In fact, I was the only friend/fan who had come to see B--the other band members had a friend or two each.

When someone sat down between me and B so I couldn't see him anymore, he moved to the other side of the stage so I could still see him. I don't know if he did this so he could see me, or if he did it for a completely different reason.

They only played for about an hour, so I decided after they finished just to sit tight and see what would happen. After being at the bar for a little while B came over to talk to me and sat down at my table. I asked him a ton of questions about his band--the band name, instrumentation, the songs, the mike setup, how he met the other band members, etc etc. I also complimented him on specific solos he'd played and the songs I liked the most. This felt very animated and freeflowing, except I was a little nervous that he'd think I was trying to keep him with me by asking so many questions.

Then he asked me about the rest of lyricafest, and I launched into a rather lengthy explanation of the drama & dilemmas faced by my group and the rehearsal process. At this point his attention seemed to wander and he would occaisionally glance back at the bar where his bandmates were. I asked him if what I had gone through at lyricafest (in terms of group drama) was normal and he answered quickly that he thought it was.

I also confided in him that I had tried to be really kind to everyone at the festival, but that people seemed to relate to each other primarily by complaining, and because I didn't participate in that a lot, by the end of the festival I had wondered if I had actually distanced myself from everyone by trying to be kind. He pointed out that even though it usually comes out as just complaining, what people are really trying to figure out in those situations is, "Why is this other person in my group keeping me from doing what I want?" Which is a deeper question than just b!tching and moaning about your colleagues. I also brought up some of my latest thoughts on longy school but it quickly became apparent that he was totally not up for getting into an intense personal conversation on that or perhaps any other topic so I dropped it.

He asked me where I was staying and I told him, my friend G's house. G is actually a formal romantic rival to B, and I haven't stayed with him before. B asked how G was doing and I told him about G's plans (omitting telling B that G has an awesome girlfriend).

I asked him how he was doing and he said he felt totally exhausted. He had gotten back from Maine yesterday and spent the entire day running around taking care of things and running errands, and was completely tired.

At this point it seemed like we were actually running out of things to talk about for the first time since the bombs. It was also just inherently awkward because another musical act was playing and we sort of had to shout to hear each other. A friend of mine pointed out to me that after playing a show all you want to do is talk about the show and random crap, not about anything deep or personal, but I totally forgot about this in the moment. I could sense that I shouldn't get into anything particularly meaningful because he wasn't really up for it but I forgot about how I would have probably felt the same way.

Twice he got up and left the table--once to get a drink and another time to use the bathroom--and both times he ended up standing next to his bandmates at the bar and talking to them for a while, while I was sitting by myself. I couldn't tell if he was trying to escape me, or if he was getting roped into conversations with them, or what was going on.

In the past I would have been really mad, but this time I just felt genuinely awkward. I wondered if I should have brought someone with me so he didn't feel obligated to 'babysit' me, but then I wouldn't have gotten to talk to him about anything.

At one point while he was at the bar he made eye contact with me while talking to the mandolin player in his band so I stood up and walked over and introduced myself and talked to him enthusiastically for a while about the music. After several minutes of animated conversation there was an awkward pause for a while and B asked me if I wanted us to sit back down at my table.

Earlier in the day I had visited a friend who works for a music publisher and they were getting rid of some awesome stuff... so I picked up two little music scores that I thought B might be able to use and I gave them to him at his gig. He scrutinized them and said thank you. At some point I told him I felt like I was keeping him from hanging out with his bandmates and he said that he didn't want to be rude (I couldn't tell if he meant he didn't want to be rude to them or to me) and that I wasn't in town all the time so he wanted to be sure to get some face time with me. He said, "thanks for being sensitive".

Overall he talked to me one-on-one for maybe an hour after the gig was over.

He asked me what my plans were in new york for the rest of the week and when I told him I was leaving the next day he looked really surprised.

B also didn't introduce me to anyone who approached him to talk. I don't know if he was actually just being rude or if he was just tired and didn't know how to introduce me.

After the second musical act finished his band members gathered to leave and one of the band member's friends introduced herself to me and we talked for a while, I was totally charming. We left the venue and stood in the middle of the street for a while while one band member tried to persuade everyone to go to another bar to hang out for a while but no one really wanted to go. I introduced myself to everyone I hadn't already introduced myself to and was totally social... the group finally broke up and I told B (since it was obvious he didn't want to hang out with anyone) which train I need to catch, and then we asked a bandmate for directions to the station. He asked if both of us would be taking that train and B said, "I won't be catching that train." The bandmates walked away and we said a quick goodbye, I told him how great it had been to finally see his band, and he told me he really appreciated me coming. He said he'd love to hear my Dad perform (WTF? My Dad doesn't even know I've spoken to B since 2007) and I joked that if B was ever in VA (which he will be next week) that he should look up my Dad's myspace page. There were two quick hugs and then I said "goodnight" and walked away.

At the time I was pretty much too tired to feel anything except a general nervousness, but now I feel so sad and frustrated and discouraged. On reflection he really wasn't that nice to me-- like not introducing me to anyone, and leaving me by myself at my table. I'm really not sure what I could have done differently to change the tone of the evening. I didn't want to join him at the bar if he was trying to get away from me. If I lived here, as soon as I felt awkward I would have just LEFT. But because I don't and I might not see him again until.... august? september? I feel like these opportunities are so limited that even when I feel awkward I need to wait around and see what happens.

I saw a friend for breakfast and processed all of this with him and his only suggestion was that I stay here for another week so I could have another chance to see B and have it not be weird. however, I'm flying out of VA on wednesday and my family thought I would be home yesterday, I don't want them to feel any more left out than they already do.

It would be great to see B one last time before I leave later today, but I don't know how to ask him to see me without totally putting him on the spot. *****ANY THOUGHTS?********

(((T)))

How about him going to one of your Dad's gigs with you in VA? As he already expressed an interest it might be a good way for you to just hang out together.

Good idea! You are totally thinking outside the box. But I'm not sure what B's dates for being in VA are, I know he is planning to play a gig in NYC this Sunday night, which is also my Dad's last gig until august. ?