Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis no woman no cry

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and keep moving.

We all fall from time to time. You have the strength to get up.

It's healthy to feel your emotions and release your emotions as long as you do so in a healthy manner.

See, this is where I get so mad at you. It is nothing to you, to her it is important. She asks over and over about the house because to her it is important.

Now you have the option to tell her that you have until August to get it done and are planning to complete it in August. Then if she asks you can tell her not to ask.

You are looking at all of this from a very skewed perspective, that of a LBS. Which is fine and dandy if you feel like being pissed and frustrated a lot. However, if it is me, I maybe change my perspective and simply roll with things a little more even keel.

No, you don't switch days if you had plans for the 4th. If you didn't have plans, then consider it. Halloween is a lot more fun with little one's. Oh, and I would like to point out that if she had waited until the last week of June to ask you would bitch because she didn't ask earlier.....PERSPECTIVE......



You allow yourself to feel this way.... your in control.......PERSPECTIVE...........



OR....... "Hey, sorry but I already made plans for the kids and do not want to switch days. Thanks for offering. "

It is up to you what image you want to present to her. Do you want to come off as the frustrated dick who is letting her get to him post divorce... then respond the way you wrote here. I kind of prefer to come off more with the attitude that nothing they do bugs you. Stand firm with what you want, but be very blase with your responses.

Sorry man, but I just feel like you are doing a lot of this to yourself my friend. YOU can take control over all of this without being upset, or angry, or frustrated, or annoyed..... It's a light switch that only you can turn.....

Let's try and catch up tomorrow night ok?
Ian

Sounds good man, Thanks.

I just got back from seeing a counselor. Sort of a friend of a friend and it was free so I took the opportunity.

This is me, she hasn't changed a bit. Still the same ole, same ole mlc'er. I have changed a bit lately. Ian, I think the term skewed is correct. I realized that by trying to move forward, I am avoiding dealing with her in the right way or anyway for that matter.

I have not been clearly stating my boundaries about the constant pressure in regards to the house or anything else.

In trying to focus on me and move forward, I have been bottling things up and avoiding her, instead of just saying what I need to say and staying calm and confident.

For whatever reason I have slipped into the mindset of not wanting to just simply tell her like it is and leave it at that. If she oversteps anything deal with it when it happens, but don't keep it inside.

I think part of the reason why, is that I just dread dealing with the insanity. I love just being at peace, but I was going about trying to stay at peace in the wrong way and it started to eat me up. Also I know her well enough to know that she will test that boundary and me. I was avoiding that too, with the mindset of, well it will just make things worse.

Wrong way to go about it. Things got worse because I didn't open my mouth calmly and say what I needed to say. I kept it in instead for as long as I could and it started coming out here.

Yes, the boundaries?....well, I do need to (like you said Ian) reminder her of the court order in a calm, nonprickish way and if she pulls the normal tricks, don't fall for them. Don't give her that power over me. I also need to let her know AGAIN and possibly AGAIN that things are going to take time with the house. I have to enforce these boundaries better too and that doesn't mean I need to get all agro on her. I just need to keep my fly swatter in hand.

I haven't been handling her or most importantly myself like I should be so....here I go again.

There you go, Trapt. You came here, you vented, your friends gave you their views, you worked through it. Now you have figured out the best way for you to handle it and you will.

It's ok to slip backwards sometimes. You will get your footing again and get back up.

Really, the best way to handle MLCers is to be in control, to answer calmly and succinctly. YOu can do this, you have done it before.

You are doing great.

Sort of reminded me of the hamster wheel all over again.....

You sound much better. Good for you. I agree that you should deal with her in a straightforward no nonsense manner. Hey, you are human and are going to feel emotions. As long as you keep moving forward, and try to fix what's not working, it's all good. Have an awesome night.

Ha! I don't know. My p*ssed offedness is still there a bit.

I can't describe to you how much I just want this, her, whatever, just to go away. It's not gonna happen though. I am p*ssed at her for the way she is with the kids.

I'm sorry but mlc, abc, defg it's just plain wrong. I am still fighting off the incredible urge to go OFF on her about. (new mlc term) kid dumping.

Say or try to do whatever you would like to me, but dang, be a freaking mom. That's something she will have to live with though.

You can't tell me her family doesn't see this sh*t either. Mom and pops need to step back up to the parenting plate and finish the job with her @SS.

I'm too drained right now to be all agro. I have to keep that in check, because it can and probably will come back.(as soon as I get the next damn email) In the end it's going to hurt me worse to be that way. I need to deal with her.

All this crap, plus the work week from hell leads to trapt's mlc anger stage. I can't complain about work though. Pretty sad when getting screwed over at work is considered a luxury, but right now it is.

Unbelievable.....

Ok for starters, Mach I got your other message. I totally see what you mean by "stuck" and I agree. I need to stay on my toes and adapt to this insane BS.

Now for today's antics.

I replied to her this morning and I feel great about the way I did it. I then received another email back within about two minutes.

My reply must have been the right one. Just as I suspected this latest exchange was one BIG button push. I don't have time right now to get into the exchange, but I will say this.

I diffused a couple of so called "issues" and then was met with a few more. It's obvious, for whatever reason she still needs contact and drama.

This whole deal lately is giving me the sudden urge to move forward at the speed of light.

She quized my daughter about me picking her up from school the other day and started asking me, is it true you didn't go inside?? D5 said you didn't do this and you did this. Blah blah blah. I calmly explained the schools procedure on picking up the kids to her. I got another email back within a minute all nice and cheery, talking about nothing but everyday BS now.

Her switch still flips at a moments notice.

I'm rethinking the whole monk thing. I hate this.

Holy Batchitt Robin......

Now I know how J3B felt that day tryin to get you to look at the picture....

One more look....

Okay, maybe you just need to take one more look....

Now, one more look , and REALLY look at it......

F-man.....You owe me an afternoon of my life back.

Different terminology to different peeps.

By the time I got in touch with the crew of Sesame Street to explain it to ya, Kerry came in with something very similar to what I was trying to say, and you heard him . Therefore I quit aggrevating you. ( Thanks Kerry )

Must be a Northern / Southern thang....

Sounds like you NOW are making progress again.....

Kudos to you.