"I was one of the "damn" lucky that their spouse wanted back when I fully detached."
And yet... this is where things "go awry". Is it not?
"And let me tell you something, I did move forward, I did grow and for the most part I was handling this in a healthy for me way."
I took out part of that cause it is just not important.
If I was questioning you.. which I am not.
I would ask you to define this..
"for the most part."
I would expect you to give me your most "Emotional" response.
"My H came back when the timing was sooo wrong. I cant even begin to decsribe how wrong it was. It was a little too late almost. I decided for my own personal and moral and whatever reasons to give it a try. And to do that, I gave up a lot."
You kinda describe it here.. "for the most part."
The simple fact to me remains that you made the decision .. well.. half hearted. Nothing wrong with that. It happens.
A big part of this is still making a choice and sticking to it. The "Groundrules" that apply to that choice is it has to be the best "choice" for you.
Forks in the road...
If we look back from now.. to 6 months ago.. what would you change? What can you "see" now that might have "put you on a different path?"
"During our "piecing", just as FG told me, it became obvious he had NO IDEA what our effort to reconcile involved. I believe, he believed I "was where he left me."
Same as you having "no idea" how to deal with the "bomb". This is what I harp on.. most of this is about control.. and timing.
At the very least both of you have had "no idea".
"Today, during a talk, he told me he feels like crap. He said he also feels this is a sick situation. He said every time we have a fight (twice or three times so far) he is questioning our effort. He said he is unhappy."
Why do you think I pull back from posting? Sometimes I worry about what I say "here". I wake up in the morning and don't even want to look at it. Who is gonna call me names.. or "confront" me. I still come back and read all of it. I will assure you that right now and where I am reading it makes me unhappy. But it also makes me happy if that makes sense. Life.. just like "DB.com" shows peoples true colors. From experience you have to read between the lines.
The "issues" that show up "here" and the ones in RL are not that different.
Again.. as John and Ian and others pointed out you seem to be able to "make it all better" just by being you.
At times I think you doubt that ability in RL.
At times I think you are scared of what could be.
At times I think you are smarter than what could be.
I will attest to this place "dragging" you down.
But have things really changed that much between me and you.
Have I really said anything different than you need to make a choice for you and yours?
Do things because you want to. That "little voice" is still talking to you. I can't tell you why.
"There is huge gap between us."
Well you either close the gap between you.. or you stop trying to close the gap. You cannot change the gap.
Hey K! Yes, your post was very clear and I also liked the long list you made of things your H has done to help "this effort" as you two refer to it!
I also vote for the holiday.. can you get some enthusiasm up about it? Can you whip some up in him (ok, ok, maybe!!) get some brochures out, or send him links to lovely places to stay?? Can you arrange to go somewhere where they might have a babysitting service (hmm, that means bigger place, or holiday complex, I dont know about you,but I hate those!!) but if you did, you could suggest to H that during the relaxing holiday..away from work and routines as he said, you also get time together, without the kids??
Seems you are still trying. I cant believe he tried to claim he forgot about the phonecall and you needing an answer !! Acutally, I can believe it, and maybe he felt he gave it (non-verbally) by asking to come over and stay the night.
I agree with some that maybe its time to do something a bit different, toward him maybe? Do you flirt with him at all nowadays? I try with my bf every day, but he just looks at me sideways like I have lost my mind !!! So maybe, dont try that.
Hugs and love xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Just stopping by to sample a bit of the Mediterranean lifestyle. I hope you're having a good day and like Al's idea of flirting (but then I would, wouldn't I!?)
Hi everyone, update: It is a long weekend here. Schools are closed tomorrow as well (4 days lucky monsters!!). I checked on family hotels and found a good o ne 2,5 hours from Athens, a resort type, kids oriented where the kids are constantly busy with activities. I want to go, I dont want to saty another long weekend in Athens. I called him and suggested it. He said he is working. I told him I have Monday off too, if he can figure out something even if we stay only one night, it would be nice, no pressure. Let' see... K
He said Ok. He needs to figure out which night we can get away. I want to vote on Sunday so we are either going Sat morning and are coming back early Sunday, or vote Sunday morning and leave immediately and are coming back Monday afternoon.
Ahh, cant you vote by post, or by proxy and go from Saturday to Monday !? I am glad you arranged something and he agreed, thats positive.
Nice to see all us three girls 'here' again.. so many days and days and days we all three were here for each other at the same time. We were lucky to have that hey?
I am glad you arranged something and he agreed, thats positive.