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Hello Lovely,

I personally would go for the first option- gives him a bit more flexibility in reply and is a bit softer overall.

I like the planned response to his text- how nice of him to remember that you were playing and contact you about it. You must have been on his mind.....

I wish I had advice on a long term strategy. I think so far that what you're doing seems to be working- would you say that you and B have a good friendship at the moment? If so maybe start injecting a bit of flirtation? Have I said that before? Or maybe I was just saying it to myself. Anyway, IMHO if you have a solid friendship going I think injecting a bit of non-verbal flirting could be a good option next time you see him, or maybe say something a little unexpected in a text/e-mail and see what happens...

L. xx

thank you all for your support and suggestions!!! I will respond to each of you individually soon!

I went ahead and emailed him yesterday evening, "Dear B, Congratulations again on being in the New Yorker! That is so awesome. I think I'm going to be in the city through the 11th/12th. Let me know if you want to meet! Transformer"

Then I felt silly because I should have written "It would be great to see you if you're in town" instead, of "let me know if you want to meet."

He hasn't gotten back to me yet (it's been over 24 hours). I'd love to see him thurs/friday but don't want to stick around if I'm not going to. How do I get him to respond yes or no without being pursuing? I was thinking something like, "I'm finalizing my schedule for the rest of the week. Do you want to meet up on thursday?" And if I don't hear from him by thursday morn, then leave NYC to see my family in virginia....?? Basically by tomorrow evening I will have seen everyone I want to see here except for him and don't want to be hanging out in new york needlessly.

thoughts/advice?
love,
T

Well, he wrote me back:

Transformer,

Sounds great! Would you like to come see my bluegrass band play a great venue? We are playing at Cafe XXXXX on Thursday at 8:30. Here is a link [link]:

See you soon,
B

I'm thinking I'll go, perhaps with a wingwoman. Any thoughts on how to finagle a one-on-one hangout in addition to watching his show?

Good news: I checked the link and everyone in his band is a guy. YAY!!!

Hey T.. thats brilliant !! He's invited you to watch his band!

What normally happens after a gig? Do they have to pack up and go? Do they hang around for a drink?

I reckon you should go by yourself.. dont go early.. aim to get there just before they play so its not too awkward, get yourself a drink and a table and just be brave.. Then, you will be 'free' to hang around and chat afterwards, or go on for a drink, or meal with the band, if that were an option.. which would be less easy to do if you have a friend in tow.

Others may disagree with me.. but I say, he asked you, so go meet him by yourself !!

xxx

Ali, wow, you are such a fast replyer!!! thank you!!!!

Usually after a show people want to hang out and coast on the good vibes they just created with their music. So he'd probably want to hang out with his band, I imagine (that's what I'd want to do in that situation). Or maybe he'd want to hang out with me and his band??? Possibly a stretch?

I'm just wondering if there's something I could/should say to indicate I'd love to see him one-on-one, in addition to watching his band, without him feeling pressured or worrying that I was setting him up for some sort of scary confrontation.

Like, "I'm totally there!! Looking forward to hearing your band!! I'd also like to catch up with you and debrief about lyricafest [the festival I just went to] and some things I learned about longy [the school I'm considering attending in boston in september] sometime. Have fun getting ready for your show!!!"

It would also be a pretty big 180 for me to get to hang out with him in a group context--I always pushed for one-on-one when we were together and there haven't been any opportunities for me to hang out with him in a group since bomb time.

OMG what am I going to wear???? I have three options I haven't already worn:
-extremely sexy green floor length halter dress (casual because it's knit, but extremely boobalicious and maybe a little scary to wear)
-off the shoulder dress with birds all over it (also super sexy but on the too small side and not too comfortable)
-fluffy yellow dress that makes me look like a daffodil--not as sexy but very comfortable and mirthful looking)
at least I have a whole day to prepare...

???????
love,
T

Hi T

I don't think you should push for a one-on-one. I know that means QT to girls but I think to guys I read somewhere that they like to do stuff together and that is QT to them, and as you say it will be a 180. I reckon go with the flow... I think an opportunity to hang out with him will present itself. Or if it doesn't and you feel awkward you can always leave...

I like the sound of number 2 outfit

I vote for this one!!!

And I like the sound of that green dress. Anything boobalicious is alright with me! Gotta get the 'girls' out there front and center.

Hey Lovely,

I would personally not push for a 1-2-1 meeting with him but see how the band night goes and possibly mention getting together with him when you speak to him there- he might be free the next morning or surprise you by saying he was wanting to hang out alone later in the evening in any case (I really hope he does!).

I vote option 2 for dresses. Option 1 to me sounds like all out seduction gear and I guess the impression you want to give is sexy but relaxed (?)

L. xx

I agree with Lisa and Julia, dont push for a 1-2-1 meeting. He seems to respond well so far when you dont push anyway.

Personally I wouldnt go for the third option. Doesnt sound sexy at all and you are not there to wake up his fatherly insticts . But the way you decsribe the other two, they dont sound like you like them.

What would be a surprise, something you dont usually wear but still feels comfortable? How about a sexy top and a pair of jeans?
K

Have I told you btw, that I saw your picture somewhere!!! ??

Ummmm, how?!!

I'd love to see it myself