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((((((Treese))))))

At best, your old H is playing Rip Van Winkle. Expecting him to behave as he used to is pointless.

VH....I don't expect him to respond like he used to...he is now a different person no matter what he says...my life is changing and hopefully for the better....

YR....I really miss your advice...I do have my struggling days and that bomb of him taking my son to OW's house just told me he is truly finished...that he's moved on and wants to introduce my son to his future....made me truly sick to my stomach..and my son still hasn't mentioned that night he spent over there...if he was having a blast wouldn't he have mentioned something about that night...and as for my H not wanting my girls to know the truth...if it's something that needs to be hidden it's not right anyway...I'm not covering for him ever...and I dont give my children details of ANYTHING..I hold it all inside....

Last night at my son's baseball game my H at one point came and stood behind me....it just makes my blood boil, I didn't let him know that but the anxiety is unreal....at the end of the game I gathered my things and walked to the car....it's just hard for me to see him at all....

I'll be expecting divorce papers soon....he wants this over with for closure for our kids...all it will do is close him out of their lives...except for my S11....my D16 doesnt want me to let H take my son anymore...i have not asked him to do anything for since last weekend...it's not worth and all I would do is worry about where he is taking him....that truly broke my heart...I asked him not to do that and he just punched me in the gut.....AGAIN.....don't know what the OW is telling him but according to him she is a good person and opened her home to him and his kids...BLAH!!!I'll knock her into next week,,,

Oh yeah, she's a real saint--NOT.

Treese

You are getting good advice from everyone here. If you leave some thing on one of your posts for me I will get it. I am so busy now a days that I don't check the board every day like I used to.

I really think that you are doing great, in spite of everything that has gone on. I would have been upset too with your S going over to the ow's. Oh, wait a minute, I was ticked when that happened and my S was in his 20's. He was very ticked at his dad when that happened because he had no idea where they were going. So it goes to show you it doesn't meran that they have moved on because they introduce them to the ow..

Love ya

Y

Hey YR...

Thanks for checking on me....yesterday at my son's bball game my H came...made his grand entrance on his motorcycle as usual...kind of comical now...walked by me, I didn't look his way or speak to him...he stood behind the backstop the entire game...after the game I gathered everything and waited for son in the car...I just don't want to look at him or speak to him..

He is just not a person I even like right now...he knows what I believe in and how I feel about things and he continues to dig at me...but I'm not letting him see it's bugging me, and actually I'm kind of over it all...HE is the one damaging my children, not me...One day yes, I hope his children will talk to him and want to see him but right now I can't do anything about it...I have never withheld my children from their father, as a matter of fact I have encouraged them to talk to him...I don't want them to have regrets later in life...especially D22 who is getting married next year...it's her choice to have him walk her down the aisle or not....I can't force her, it's her day, but I also don't want her to regret no having him do it either....it's bad timing on his MLC...LOLOLOL!!!

Does H think I'm really the ONLY person that would be angry at their spouse for taking them to the OP home to spend the night and let them hang with their children...REally now?? Just shows you that their brains are mush....I'm not perfect, I've made big mistakes but I'm willing to work at them and I have...I a much better person now...and I like me...

Treese

It sounds like you are finally getting detached from your H. You sound like you have found some peace in your life and aren't worrying about your H. This is a good thing.

You are moving along and living your life and I love it. It took me a long time to get to that point but once I did I felt good about myself and thought to he11 with H!!!

Love ya

Y

Treese, I know how hard it is to have your kid staying w/OW & H. However, if you continue to resist, H will just pull harder.

if H is not paying much attention to son, anything that will help to improve the R is important--and that is spending time w/S. Your S is old enough to form his own opinions on the whole matter. He should not feel guilty for spending time w/his dad. Focus on doing things that will make it easier for your S to stay connected w/his dad; he is probably hurting now. And be very, very careful not to badmouth OW or H in front of him.

This is coming from someone who has been there, so I know how hard it is. I worry quite a bit but at the same time, I do think H's R w/our child has improved. This made it worth it, although, as I said, I still worry and do not like it.

Stop fighting him if you can. None of us want to have our kids around OP but you really do not have control over the situation (unless you live in VA, apparently).

It would probably be a 180 for you to let him go and keep your mouth shut.

The other thing is that H then has to negotiate the whole situation w/OP and while the MLCers make stupid selfish decisions in this regard, it is reality nonetheless.

And Treese? It helped me to stop thinking about my R w/H and try to do things to make it easier for H to develop R w/our kid.

The decisions that are best for your child are probably also best for your R with your H.

Hey Breton...thanks for the advice....

I do not ever say anything negative about my H in front of my S11...I know son is hurting, people have mentioned his moods to me when he is with them....I don't talk about H w my son at all unless something comes up about him....and then I let him talk openly about his dad...it sinks to the core of my soul but I do suck it up...I know my son knows that his dad hurt me, which is my guess why S11 won't mention anything about what he does with his dad...and I don't ask...what they do is their own thing...it's just that I don't think he should spend the night at the OP house until we are divorced...it's not right...taking him around her for an event is one thing but spending the night at HER home is another...he put my son in a bad position...H thinks it's healthy and ok....I don't....I think it's sick...

I am learning to hold things inside and I am upset that H doesnt have a relationship with his girls...that truly tears my heart up, especially since they were so close...if I try to talk to my girls about talking to their dad they get mad at me and say I'm defending him...I'm not but I don't want them to regret it down the road...yes, he is still their dad but his is 100% a different person than he was and my girls do like it and are apprehensive to have a relationship with someone they don't feel like they know...they are adults, they understand....I let them make their own choices...good or bad....it's theirs to make....not mine...the problem is is that my girls know what I did during the marriage, how I took care of everything, sacrificed for my family....they feel I've been wronged...but I'm trying to move forward...a super hard thing to do...putting 30 years behind you is difficult...

As a matter of fact, I was watching TV this morning and lionel richie was on talking about his song, 3 times a lady...well, that was the song my H dedicated to me on our wedding day...we danced to that song and I shut my eyes and I could picture the dance like it was yesterday....and I cried...then I let it go...it's a memory I will forever have imbeded in my mind...but just that...a memory....I will always love my H and I do tell my children that...for without him I would not have 3 wonderful children...for that I am thankful...what the future holds we don't know but for now, I am surviving...and I have a daughter getting married...Wow!!
What more can I ask for at this time...

(((hugs)))

Treese

Morning everyone....

Today is a blessing....my D16 is now D17....17 yrs ago I gave birth to a beautiful 9 pound baby girl...who remains beautiful today inside and out...we have actually been celebrating for 2 days now...she has been smiling and we have been laughing...took her and my S11 to dinner last night after S11's baseball game..nice just the 3 of us....

D17 went to sons game with me and when H arrived he walked right by us...not even a look...never came down by us or anything..S11 came out of the dugout several times to come sit with us and chat...after the game we left...got in the car and H texted me and said son played well...I said, "always does"...and then I said, "D17 is amazed at how fast he was"...he said, "she saw him"...I said, "she was sitting right next to me and had he come said Hi, he would have seen her"...wow...then he said, "I looked at you once to say hi but you looked away"...I said, "I wasnt paying attention to him but if he looked my way he would have seen her....I didnt tell D17 he didn't see her...would break her heart...

H sent her a card for her birthday in the mail...just a simple card and Love, Dad...D17 said he did more last year, that he's not even trying anymore...So, see, she is testing him...unfortunately he's not getting it but he's "in love"...

H is taking son today for the night, actually asked if he could for the very first time in a year and a half...I about fell over...but I am hesitant to let him go...afraid he will take him to OW house again...kind of got some anxiety with that..S11 said yesterday he didn't want to go anywhere...broke my heart...today he is so so about it...

But I will not let H ruin my D's bday....his loss...he misses out again for the 2nd year in a row...I hope he loves his greener grass....