Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The adventure continues--the saga goes on

Happy Birthday John!!! I hope you and your daughter had a grand time today. Eat a piece of cake for me!

Thanks everyone! Well, my wife got my daughter all worked up about going out for my birthday so I went and had a good time. My wife told me yesterday evening that she for some reason cannot file the divorce paperwork and that she wants to work on our marriage. She said she didn't want to get into details on my birthday but would like to talk about it this weekend. Ok, that sounds pretty good to me but it's weird because I'm still not emotionally investing into this until I see some action. I am still continuing with my investigation though. We'll see what happens. And no, staying gone till Oct is not an acceptable answer.

Glad you had a nice BD, John. You need to update your sig!

Keep your shields up for your conversation with the W this weekend. Remember that it don't mean nothing til she is at home and piecing.

Have a wonderful weekend in every other respect!

Eyes on the prize, right? Cost/benefit analysis. Respective power ratios. If "gone until October" is = to "work on M" for you, then sure - insist on it, draw a line in the sand. BUT IF (as I suspect) it's actually "gone" < "M", then consider it carefully. Read "Getting Past No," a great book on negotiating in difficult circumstances by Ury.

AF,

NOW is the time to think about what you want. What are your wants, needs, boundaries and "dealbreakers" (there is some overlap between those).

This is your moment of maximum leverage (IF she is sincere; personally, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her). Anything short of 100% no-contact and transparency and MC, to me, would be a dealbreaker.

Puppy

John,
Congrats on having a good dday for your bday and it is important that your daughter enjoy your day as much as you do...

Exactly what Puppy said X2...to include giving up that apartment immediately...if you back down and give in now this will happen again if it even ends. Remember right now you are in the best postition you could possibly be in if you have to be in this position...wife gone, left her daughter, multiple affairs, paying all bills...remember, don't set yourself up for another heartbreak...she has done this and will do it again...and if she comes back you can bet she will have moments that she expects you to put up with anything she wants...no life for anyone.

I have to agree with PDT again, she is a liar and until she actually does something do not believe anything she tells you...perhaps she is starting to get low on money right now, make sure the bills you think she is paying is being paid. OM might have a guilt trip (I doubt it) after his visit home

Keep investigating, I doubt you have seen a lawyer but you really should post-nups are enforceable...write one up that covers adultry...

Exposure is still your best tool to end this affair...she is not going to end it just because she has seen the light and is reborn...doesn't work that way.

Take care

V/R

John:

I'm with ya.

The best of luck.

In fact, I would contend that it has been the credible threat of exposure that has caused her movement here this week.

Puppy

I agree--I have noticed that since she thought I was going to turn her in she has been acting more so how she should be. I think she was terrified the day she thought I had turned her in. I just got back from my friend's house and he told me what he's being doing to find out the OM's name. He assured me that it's only a matter of time and he'll have a name. We'll see. Hopefully this works out.

Well, I can tell I'm less emotionally attached as I seem to be posting less and less on here. The wife came over for about 15 minutes yesterday and since she hadn't brought up what she meant by coming home eventually, I did. I said, so what's that you mean when you say you're coming home eventually? She said, I don't know if I ever am. So I said, why isn't it that you can't seem to make up your mind? She said, I don't know, I don't want to talk about it right now and she got up and left. Good, I hope she sees that I am becoming less patient and less tolerant of her attitude and behavior. Still planning as if she is not coming home and hoping for the best. Hopefully my friend can find out some info this week for me.