Quote: "Don't be mad at me. Your problem is in the mirror, not in ME." I always threw it back in his lap and I did it calmly and firmly. AND it worked.
How is it that H can be mad at the very people, his family and friends, that care about him the most. That have been there for him all these years. These are the people that he claims don't care about him. He doesn't want anyone to care about him, if they do he treats them like crap. So far S3 hasn't been affected, but I worry that H will turn on him one day. In looking back, H has been like this for quite awhile. And T2, I think you're right he should be mad at himself for treating everyone the way he does and he does have it backwards. No one's mad at him, he's mad at himself. He's pushing away everybody, thinking he can start all over, new, w/OW. At the beginning of this mess it might have seemed that way, but I think he's realizing he can't start over new, there is too much unfinished business in his life, too many things pulling him back.
H should be thanking god for everything good in his life not cursing everything good in his life. My H has lost his sole and doesn't know who he is anymore, he wants to be the guy he was when he was younger and instead he's getting older and his body is worn out. I don't think his body is as worn out as he thinks it is, I think his way of thinking is worn out and that's a lot easier to fix then a body that's worn out. He just doesn't realize it.
His whole life is coming back at him and he is struggling to figure out where he belongs and if he CAN be where he belongs. His sons and me are his reality and he can't deal with reality.
I don't feel the need to call him as much anymore, he doesn't call me every day like he used to either. Something is changing, maybe he's pulling away so that he can really figure out what he wants. I don't know. I've been leaving him alone for the most part, too.
Nothing I can say will make any difference...I'm finally realizing and accepting this. I can't do anything but work on myself, hoping that he can follow. I think KAW pointed this out awhile back, but it's finally making sense to ME.
Maybe what I'm getting at his I can't say anything more to H that he hasn't already heard before, I can't apologize anymore for the past, I've done that enough. I have to work on ME and just be the best ME that I can be and see what happens.
How is it that H can be mad at the very people, his family and friends, that care about him the most.
Because WE'RE the ones that cause them to feel SO ASHAMED. Your H treats those closest to him like crap because HE feels unworthy of their love and HIS self fulling prophecy is that HE will lose it...so he does in bits and pieces with each breach of his moral boundaries.
YOU have a very clear picture of where your Hs head is at...good for you. Work with that knowledge, it will help YOU turn HIM around.
You also have a realistic picture of yourself and what you need to do, so you're already on your way to healing. T2
H called a little big ago...wanted to know if I could get someone to watch S for awhile tonight. He didn't say why or what for and I didn't ask, but my sis is going to watch son.
One of H's other love languages is affection, oooh la la la,
