Thank you for reminding me of my need to be the strong one, for now, it is my only choice. It seems I keep coming here with the same issues, the same complaints, maybe worded a little differently, looking for THE answer to the way out of this mess. And there is no easy way out is there? I'm going to have to feel and fight my way through this whole mess.
In my heart I know H wants to come back, will come back, but is looking to me to lead the way. Today I just don't feel like leading him anywhere.
When H said he went to put up tree stands yesterday, my heart did lift a little because it meant he didn't spend the day with OW. He wasn't with her all day Saturday either which seems strange, but then again I have no idea what goes on over there either.
H was the one that said "if we're going to do things separately than I might as well not come back" thus the thought to invite him to the concert. He doesn't really like Shania so maybe I won't, my sis is going with me anyway. She would give up the seat if someone else wanted it and I wouldn't be disappointed at all if H didn't want to go, just trying to put an offer out there to see if he'll bite. So maybe I should use different bait (aren't you proud of me KAW?). My H is a little bit like a muskie, they're hard to catch, you can throw all the muskie baits at them that you can think of and they don't bite. When you've completely given up and stopped trying then you end up catching one and boy do they put up a fight. I think maybe the way to go is to invite him to do something with son and me.
We ALL want THE answer. Let me know WHEN you find it...
Wait a bit on the concert. If your sister will be understanding about the seat, maybe give it a couple of weeks to see how you and your H are doing. Otherwise, he might view it as pressure, and it might have a negative impact if he has to deal with that for weeks. Yikes, there's that word again... WAIT. Maybe, in the meantime, you can do something together with H and your S.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'll bring the crackers, oh this board is great! I wouldn't be where I am today without the help of the wonderful people here. I'm going to have a lot more X-mas shopping to this year, also.
oh yeah, crackers always goes good with a little WINE! LOL it's really quite amazing that i have even hung on this long because i was one of those that said if my hubby ever had an affair i was OUT THE DOOR. and look who is sitting here whistling dixie now. so the way i look at it is this ... i made that decision to stay. i need to back up that decision, no matter what it takes
Quote: because i was one of those that said if my hubby ever had an affair i was OUT THE DOOR.
I'll join you, have to spit the crackers out though
That's why when people think I'm a fool for hanging on, I remember I too said I'd be out the door. Until you're in the sitch, there's no way anybody knows what they would do for sure.
no kidding cathy. and i don't know if you deal with this, but i certainly do. the foolishness i sometimes feel because i have stayed. like "what the heck am i here for? i deserve better than this!"
i never believed in a million years i would put up with what i have. and sometimes i hate myself for it. there was a post somewhere here that the betrayer said to the betrayed as they were reconciling "you have to forgive yourself for forgiving me" or something to that effect.
i don't think i have forgiven myself yet. that is why it still continues to hurt
Oh my yes, but I try not to go there to often. Especially when T2 brought up the fact that if it was me with OM would my H be waiting for me, I think not!!!
I was with a group of friends Saturday night and we kind of touched on the subject, but I found myself getting really nervous and feeling weak for not saying enough is enough and moving on...Joan Jett says it the best "I hate myself for loving you"
I keep focusing on the future and if things work out this will all be in the past. And, my friends, their marriages aren't in the best shape either and it could happen to any of them....
Quote: if things work out this will all be in the past
i emphasize the word IF - what IF things DON'T work out, will this all be in the past? oh my, what a question eh? i have issues with this - i need to know that IF or IF NOT - i will let go. i have to let go. forgiveness means to LET GO OFF - whether deserving or not. and that means leaving the past in the past - doesn't mean you forget, it just means it's not an issue
Quote: Until you're in the sitch, there's no way anybody knows what they would do for sure.
Even my H told me he would be outta here... but I wonder. I find myself NOT wanting to talk about this with friends that I don't know will support me or not. As a matter of fact, I don't like talking about it too much at all anymore. I find most people bring me down, not build me up and I am pretty needy these days. And kitti, not IF, but WHEN.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: what IF things DON'T work out, will this all be in the past?
The past was too much a part of my present before the bomb. Does that make sense? I was bringing up my H's past and slapping him in the face with it time and time again. I was doing the same to myself. The past is the past, it cannot be changed and so it is best to let it go.
This is something I've been working on, learning from it and moving on. I'm mentally preparing myself for things to go either way, detaching. If things don't work out with H then at least I'll be a better person. IF he can't rise to the occasion, see that I'm different, that I'm not accepting of his treatment of me anymore, and continues to remain unchanged, than he's really not someone I want to remain married to anyway.
BUT, I do see some really small changes happening, things that I would never have expected from him, just recently in fact. They're not consistent, but I've taken notice. He's not happy either, I would think he'd be getting tired, also. I just need to be his friend and he can be my other child for now.
He wanted to have another baby with me, but I thought no, two children were enough.
Cathy
P.S. And I never thought I'd be the one watching football with S3 and answering his questions.
