Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers On being the best O'Dog I can be

I messed up bad. Or as Smiley would say, 'Failure to observe detail".

Woman-friend wrote me a frustrated email about how 'the rules keep changing'. While discussing today's change up for me I sent her an email re - I didn't want to get pushed so I remained calm but firm and now W is being nice.

...or at least I thought I did. I accidentally sent it to W and I got this response"

"this is an extremely condescending email. Keep your psychological tools for dealing with me to yourself in the future."

D'OH!!

o, god.....

Aargh...been there, done that. Sucks but it'll blow over.

I did it too. Doh!!!

I keep waiting for me to screw up and let W see my DB accout - same root cause, same effect.

So far, so good (except for the knowledge that my W would not say anything for some time after the discovery)

You Jedi mind tricks won't work on me.



My wife, Greek, found this site. It caused some problems but then she saw the value and the wisdom here. It is important to be genuine and honorable in your efforts. You are being watched.
Cheers

We talked a little last night. I just said the message was part of a conversation in my 'divorce group'. Nothing connected or mentioned about DB'ing (whew!!). She wasn't as mad as I thought she'd be. She figured I needed somewhere to gripe and said "Well I'm glad you have a group to talk all the psychology stuff with. I have my friends." Other than that just a little small talk and a few laughs about the movie she just saw, "I love you man". I've been urging her to see it because it's totally about me (yes, I'm a "girlfriend guy").

I set up some stuff in my house last night. It looks nice. My dog was flustered about the new digs and spent a lot of timing pacing. She hasn't eaten in a few days.

This morning some brief conversation about money and how she was covering a few bills right now. Whatever. We'll square up. We talked a little about the Ch 13 and how it's a tough payment especially with two households. She reminded me she would probably make partner next year so after that it would only be a tough payment for me. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me."

But I discovered a separation or divorce could change things significantly for me with possibly a lower ch 13 payment or possibly converting to ch 7 and flushing it all. I called my own bankruptcy atty about the changed circumstances so he's going to refer me to an outside person to talk the possibility of changing the case. Wow! A fresh a start for me. W isn't too excited about this but that's just business.

It's been an emotional few days. Tonight is my last night at the house. I just don't know. We get along so well and things have improved so much but sometimes she can be just so unemotional and analytical. My hope is that after a few months she'll want to start working on things again. My fear is...well you know what my fear is. I'm trying to stay upbeat about this. It's about being a better me and having fun no matter what happens. It's just hard right now.

We talked a little last night. I just said the message was part of a conversation in my 'divorce group'. Nothing connected or mentioned about DB'ing (whew!!). She wasn't as mad as I thought she'd be. She figured I needed somewhere to gripe and said "Well I'm glad you have a group to talk all the psychology stuff with. I have my friends." Other than that just a little small talk and a few laughs about the movie she just saw, "I love you man". I've been urging her to see it because it's totally about me (yes, I'm a "girlfriend guy").

I set up some stuff in my house last night. It looks nice. My dog was flustered about the new digs and spent a lot of time pacing. She hasn't eaten in a few days.

This morning some brief conversation about money and how she was covering a few bills right now. Whatever. We'll square up. We talked a little about the Ch 13 and how it's a tough payment especially with two households. She reminded me she would probably make partner next year so after that it would only be a tough payment for me. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me."

But I discovered a separation or divorce could change things significantly for me with possibly a lower ch 13 payment or possibly converting to ch 7 and flushing it all. I called my own bankruptcy atty about the changed circumstances so he's going to refer me to an outside person to talk the possibility of changing the case. Wow! A fresh a start for me. W isn't too excited about this but that's just business.

It's been an emotional few days. Tonight is my last night at the house. I just don't know. We get along so well and things have improved so much but sometimes she can be just so unemotional and analytical. My hope is that after a few months she'll want to start working on things again. My fear is...well you know what my fear is. I'm trying to stay upbeat about this. It's about being a better me and having fun no matter what happens. It's just hard right now.

My friend sent me this email and it was just so uplifting:


You know, dude... it's okay to just feel it. You can try to be upbeat, but it's okay to take the time to grieve a little. Even cry, as "unmanly" as it sounds. So rent a movie (may I suggest "Band of Brothers"), get a bottle of wine and hang out by yourself and grieve a bit. Then keep workin' at it. She'll come around. Trust me... you're becoming an assertive, confident leader and that will look very attractive... it's natural.

Her being "analytical" is just a way of defending her decisions. Don't take in personal.

Just don't give up. There's a different between grieving a loss and giving up. Grief is how a healthy person deals with hurt, Giving Up is the excuse we give ourselves to get over the hurt. Don't give up. And make no mistake... the Creator is invested in your experience. He made you the way you are for a reason.

That's a great friend, right there, Orangedog.

I agree.