Should I leave her a heart-felt letter telling what I have learned about myself and our relationship? I have not done that yet but I need her to know.
Let her know by your actions. Read up on the 5 Love Languages, His Needs Her Needs, read here. Keep posting, post on others threads to make "friends." Practice the DB techniques and report back on what you are doing. Learn to listen, communicate and validate. Be patient, understanding and loving. You can handle it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
First, Do you love your wife? If the answer is yes, then set her free. Give her what she asks for. Do not try and control her. Focus very hard on UNDERSTANDING HER by listening to what she is asking, saying (in words and actions). Also, do not believe anything she says and only %50 of how she acts. Determining what is the truth can drive you crazy, so trust your feelings. Ya this is hard as hell, but very important right now. Love = patience and kindness. Be extremely kind to spouse. Be extremely patient with spouse. I enjoy my ex wife for WHO SHE IS, not who I wish she was.
With that said, this is a great opportunity for personal growth if you choose to take it. Do not focus on spouse, but focus ON YOU. Make changes to you for you. I have gotten to the point where I am happy no matter what else is going on with others. I can feel empathy for them, but I do not take on the role of FIXING them. That is their job. I can support others and give advice when asked.
A question I always ask my self, IS THAT WORKING FOR ME? If it is great, otherwise, time to try something new. I pass out what I want to receive. If I have a need for someone to listen, I start listening to others. If I need more smiles, I smile at others.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Letters have been discussed here a lot. You can choose to test the waters, and note the reactions. OR you can change your behavior to SHOW HER how you feel. I believe this is better. Actions speak louder than words.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Yes, I love my wife very much. I feel that she is very confused right now because of her poor choice to pursue an affair. It is just so hard because of what I am learning and that I don't know how to let her know. I also would love to opportunity to be more proactive and initiate some intimacy or just some conversation but I don't know how to go about it correctly and I don't want to push her away any farther. Right now, she wants nothing to do with me.
How can I show her that I love her without making her mad? How can I initiate my physical attraction for her that use to be lacking and caused some of our problems? If she is a WAW, will she respond or just get more upset?
My advice would be to NOT move out of your house, and to sleep in your own bed. If she doesn't like it, SHE should leave, since she is the one that has had multiple affairs.
You come across as kind of needy and pursuing, and if I can feel it thru your posts, I'm sure your wife can feel it as well. That's not a knock -- just an observation. I would recommend that you work on yourself, and let her know that you don't want a divorce but you can't stop her from doing what she feels she needs to do. Just validate without agreeing.
But DON'T move out of your house. She will see that as a sign of weakness, and will lose further respect for you. And women tie respect very closely with love!
At what point though is it OK to let W know what I have learned about our R and myself? Or is that not good to do right now since she doesn't really want to communicate with me.
We are in a lease which is up at the end of Sept. She thinks I will be moving out before then but I have not told her that I don't plan on moving out. She is making plans to move before then to be with OM, I believe.
