Quote: And for what it's worth, it could well be that your H was grumpy later in the day because feeling so good earlier runs counter to how he's "supposed to be feeling", if he really wants "out".
Also the fact that I'm out there having fun. I don't think he likes that either. I have been saying that this has been a great summer, but in thinking about it last night it's been more of a bittersweet summer hasn't it? Today I feel sorry for the guy, sorry that he's in such a mess, sorry that he has to go through what he's going through. I also think that all of his reasons for his unhappiness are just excuses. We could have had a perfect marriage and he still could have come up with a reason to be unhappy. OW is a manipulator and only cares about herself. She preyed on H in a time when he was unhappy and at a low point and is using him, too.
I'm trying my best to let him figure things out for himself, he needs to realize that happiness comes from within not from other sources. Will he be able to do this? I don't know, I like to think so, but I just don't know.
I feel different this last week, there's a new calmness about me, maybe I becoming more detached. Am I letting go of our old relationship, of H, feels like it. Our marriage is dead as KAW pointed out a few posts back, it's just taken me time to realize and let it go, to look to a new relationship with H--that's if it wants one. I'm slowing standing up for myself and not letting H treat me crappy anymore. Not taking things personally is getting easier--most days. I'm realizing I'm okay, I like myself, and I'm okay.
I have a question. From what I'm reading emotional affairs are harder to get over than sexual affairs...whatever that means. My H was always the higher sexed person in our relationship and wanted sex more often than I did, this was very important to him and always has been or so he said.
So if a man who liked sex so much is having an emotional affair w/o sex, how can it last? I cannot believe he would stay with someone without sex. From what he tells me he can't perform right now so there is no sex with her. On the other hand we do have sex or to the best of his ability and are intimate with each other, the closeness and eye contact during sex are very important to him.
Maybe I'm just rationalizing and try to make his chances of returning to me higher, I don't know. Since he keeps saying he doesn't know what he's doing he could eventually end up on his own, also. Who knows what will happen
As long as he's making baby steps I have to believe he's going to eventually end up wanting to come back.
I feel so normal today, nothing to report, work is slow. I've been reading posts all over this bb today. If I didn't know about this site, I'd say this is my old life, but it's not!
Last night one of my favorite shows from last year started, Raymond, and for some reason it just didn't interest me. The way they treat each other is awful and to think their marriage was how our marriage was...see H Debra doesn't like to have sex all the time either, see H look how Debra gets when she has PMS, see H Debra, Debra, Debra--she was my role model. I don't know how they stay together, do you know what I mean? The make it seem okay to yell and scream at each other. Don't you see a MLC in Ray coming or him leaving?
I have thought of something to put here today. Every few weeks my H will ask me what I'm doing with my life, how's my life or have I given up on him. He's not doing anything he says.
So next time he asks this of me, what do I say? I'm always at a loss for words. I usually say "I'm doing it, living my life" I'd like to say something that will blow his mind a complete 180, but can never think of anything. If anyone here wants to offer some words I'll be waiting.
How about "I'm training for a marathon" or "I'm training to climb Mt. Whitney" or "I just got a part in a play at the community theater" or " I'm going on a whitewater rafting trip" or ...... something exciting in your life so he will see you asd a vibrant interesting person he might want to join?
I like these suggestions, ones I would never have thought of anyway.
There has been no excitement in my day. However, H is picking up son from daycare today so I will see him later. I have a hair appt. after work. So I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow.
So interesting you mention Raymond. CJ and I watched it last night, we're fans. But you know what? It kind of IRKS me that CJ finds Debra's treatment of Ray so FUNNY!
I mean it IS (it's a sitcom after all...although I myself found it lost it's charm right after my bombs too) funny.
But I know what you mean. She's so scathing, belittling, controlling, sarcastic! ALL the things CJ HATED about me!!!
I too see some similarities, and am caught between laughing and cringing at some parts (even with the parent's R).
Now back to reality: What to say when he asks what you're doing with your life.....
1) I'm finding out how strong a person I am
2) I'm living each moment to the fullest
3) I'm thinking about taking: dance lessons, tai chi, yoga, self defense (that might make him wonder!!! )
I actually like #3 because these are all realistic attainable things (depending on where you live), they are intriguing, and you aren't really committed to any of them!
Might just open the door to further conversation....
Quote: 1) I'm finding out how strong a person I am had forgotten how strong I was
2) I'm living each moment to the fullest Doing this for sure
3) I'm thinking about taking: dance lessons, tai chi, yoga, self defense (that might make him wonder!!! )
I do like number 3. AND since I do not know how to swim, fear of the water from a childhood thing when I was taking lessons, maybe swimming lessons or in order? My S3 will be taking lessons in the next year and IF H decides he's not in the picture down the road, then I really should learn...hmmmm thank you so much. This would be huge for me because it does scare me, feel the fear and do it anyway, isn't that what the say.
H did come over last night, he's trying to fix the kitchen faucett, he didn't quite complete the job, no water in the kitchen until tomorrow, that's if he can fix the problem that he ran into, tomorrow night.
He took son and me out to eat, we had a nice time. I didn't talk too much, wanted to see if he'd initiate any conversation. He did ask how my parents were and wanted to know why I was over there last Sunday. I said to get some more firewood for the outdoor fire grill, I don't know if that's where they're called by it a camp fire on wheels thing. He then wanted to know why in the 2 years that we had it, we had it a year in May, but I didn't point it out, didn't I want to sit by it with him...I don't know why I guess. I said I like doing it, my friend showed me how to start it and also how to put it out and son likes to sit out there.
He put son to bed last night, he'll lay with him and son was in there chatting up a storm with his dad, it was cute, but he was supposed to be going to sleep. I didn't say anything, have been holding my tongue. Usually I'll have to say something like quit talking, go to sleep, but if H wanted him to stop talking then he could have said it.
I did go to bed myself, too, which is not normal. Maybe from staying up late with son because he doesn't want to go to bed Usually I'll wait until I hear son is asleep, usually H falls asleep too and I go in and wake H and then wait till H leaves. Didn't do that last night, just went to bed and H let himself out on his own. I thought if H falls asleep do I wake him? Then thought no, let him sleep there. If he wakes up at midnight and goes, let him explain to OW where he was
Quote: I thought if H falls asleep do I wake him? Then thought no, let him sleep there. If he wakes up at midnight and goes, let him explain to OW where he was
Oh Absolutely!!! You wouldn't want to "enable" their "r" (notice the lower case...intentional !) would you?
I think your evening sounded very good (despite the no water thing), you surprised H with your 180 on the BBQ pit thingy.
I think taking swimming lessons with your son is a GREAT idea. And I can ASSURE you that that is the best way to overcome your fear of the water. Exposure to what we fear is the #1 ingredient in treating phobias of all kinds.
)
Usually I'll wait until I hear son is asleep, usually H falls asleep too and I go in and wake H and then wait till H leaves. Didn't do that last night, just went to bed and H let himself out on his own. I thought if H falls asleep do I wake him? Then thought no, let him sleep there. If he wakes up at midnight and goes, let him explain to OW where he was 
!) would you? 
