Not much advice to offer - sorry to hear that you're back on the rollercoaster-plane going down - where they put on their oxygen mask, and then grab yours and suck your air for good measure.
Still praying for you and yours, as is my congregation. I don't post much, but I follow your sitch.
I just think if you really are thinking about your children, you wouldn't do that kind of stuff with the ring. They're horrified you're going to divorce, so her not wearing her ring is going to make them feel better or something? And it doesn't sound like it was very subconscious to me either. I hope she's got a really good IC....
Not much advice to offer - sorry to hear that you're back on the rollercoaster-plane going down - where they put on their oxygen mask, and then grab yours and suck your air for good measure.
Still praying for you and yours, as is my congregation. I don't post much, but I follow your sitch.
Buckle up, dear friend.
Stacy
Stacy,
Thank you! I'm always humbled by people who I didn't even know were following along, and especially those who have prayed for me and my marriage. There are times -- MANY times -- when I feel that those prayers are what have kept us together.
However, for the record, I think she's full of SH&T when she says that she "subconsciously forgot" to put her rings on. It was more the defiance/rebelliousness we talked about above, I think.
So will you tell her you think she is a liar? B/c of course you know what she is thinking and why she does what she does. You are always mindful of 'don't believe what they say, only what they do'. That would be even while they are NOT engaged in an A. Same approach.
Again, she has almost no shot with you. You seem still in the A environment...even though she is not. When does she get to come out from under it?
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
However, for the record, I think she's full of SH&T when she says that she "subconsciously forgot" to put her rings on. It was more the defiance/rebelliousness we talked about above, I think.
So will you tell her you think she is a liar? B/c of course you know what she is thinking and why she does what she does. You are always mindful of 'don't believe what they say, only what they do'. That would be even while they are NOT engaged in an A. Same approach.
Again, she has almost no shot with you. You seem still in the A environment...even though she is not. When does she get to come out from under it?
Greek,
Not sure what I did to get a bug up your butt, but I'm giving my opinion. I've known the woman for over 25 years, and when you're with someone that long you begin to learn to smell their b.s. She also told me recently that "I need you to call me on my b.s. sometimes," fyi.
I am not in the A environment with her. We are no longer in transparency, for example. We are in the "the marriage is in trouble, and we need to both be working at it" environment.
PDT ~ I don't have a dog ... or a bug ... in this hunt. All I've done is give you my impression of what you post. Sure, you know her 25 years, I know her not at all. I hoped to drip some perspective into your ocean and that is all.
Ok, then. Cheers ~~~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Yes, I guess I view wearing our rings as a sign that is telling everyone that we are right now. You know my parents notice whether we do or do not wear them, and I KNOW that seeing us wearing them tells them "oh good it's all ok now". I guess I feel like we kept our problems to ourselves so long that when we finally let the cat out of the bag (sorry (cat 1) and (kitten 2)), that everyone was shocked. So, maybe I just don't want everyone to be shocked again. And I know it was all innocent and exciting, but telling the girls that we have our rings on again, just gets their hopes up and I don't want to do that. I mean I don't want to walk around making them think the sky is falling, but neither do I want them to let their guard down, just to shock them in the future if that is what we decide. When we said "no expectations", I assumed stuff like this would fall into that category.
(Wife)
I responded:
I can understand that, but I"m still confused. On the one hand, you say you simply forget, but then you say you feel the below and that it's a conscious decision not to wear them, because you don't want to get everyone's hopes up.
I guess it's a personal decision we each have to make. I just wanted you to know how I felt.
(Puppy)
See, I know her. I'm not saying this isn't difficult, but c'mon, can we at least be HONEST with each other??
