Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy he is back, i think

i have spoken to her in the past, always nicely, always told her the truth, yet she continued to believe my h that were legally separated/divorced.

its seems now she is catching on and must have been calling me last month to see the truth. i didnt respond, because h was home and i saw no need in talking to her.

i just thought today i would respond, but i havent done so.

i know it would anger him, i just get so angry when he lies, and continues to lie, and is most likely working his way back to her with lies, so that he can be ok, and find his "happiness".

i know i know, stay out of it. i know. let her figure it out for herself. i know i know.

im just so hurt, so angry.

the store will now go under. he has lost all focus. we were working so well together, as a team, and he fell apart.

Good advice!!! I think in time though, your H clearly sounds a mess, and you can recover from this. If he doesn't work on his issues, he's going to continue to lead a messy, unhappy life. Detach and work on creating a healthier, more positive life for yourself. Your H is kind of a sinking ship right now and best to distance yourself from that.

I wouldn't expect your H or the OW to listen to logic or rational thought, or use it themselves. At least not now. So there prob. wouldn't be much point in trying to talk with them. I spent a few months doing that until finally I realized, dern, logic doesn't work with these WAS!!! I was told and told by people here, but sometimes you just have to figure it out I guess. Karen

i just spoke with h about the store. i asked him kindly, in a soft voice (like talking to a child to keep them from shouting). i thought we should go over a few things.

well he went off about how its losing money, and with each word his voice got louder and louder and i kept talking softly.

we will have to sell it because its losing money and because he has no ambition (not that he said that).

so after he shouted about the store, i said, there is no reason to shout at me, i did not cause the problems with the store, it is no one's fault.

then he said, the store isnt his problem.

i was like, what is making u shout this way, i couldnt see why is was so totally flipping.

he said, rather loudly, because i do not want to be here.

so i said, rather calmly, then dont be. if u dont want to be, dont be. but dont shout at me or talk nasty to me, i did not do anything to deserve to be spoken to that way.

he went to have a drink at his brothers house a few minutes away.

my guess ----ow doesnt want him back. atleast not now.

and now he is even angrier with me because he came home for me and to do the store and left his good job.

oh well.

Get some legal advice and some fiancial advice. It will be worth every cent. It will give you the information you need to move ahead. i think why you are so confused, upset and woriied you cannot see your way forward. Borrow the money.

Sorry I am not of yor country and therfore not familiar with your laws etc otherwise I would try to help.

All I can say , is that once you have good advice, it all gets easier.

thank you. i retained a lawyer last year when my h filed, but we never moved forward.

i do know the process and what will happen next if we proceed.

i know what i am entitled to and what i will be asking for.

it helps that most of my family are lawyers as well.

but since its really not what i wanted, not what we have leaning towards, it is very hard to switch gears.

hard to go from all of a sudden working together on our business to total opposite.

h was home last night, confusing to me, not sure why he is here if he doesnt want to be.

see what happens today.

well ok, let me have it.

i texted the ow, told her i know she wanted to talk to me, so if she still wants to, she can text or call me, that i will answer her questions.

am i sorry i did it? yes and no.

i want to put a stop to his lying, all around.

he is trying to keep himself in the clear and keeps conjuring up ways to look ok while everyone else crumbles around him.

enough is enough.

so if she answers fine, if not fine.

my h because he called me ranting and raving.

it seems it through a wrench in the situation saying in the text that h just ran out so i can talk.

i guess he had lied to her about not living at home.

oh well.

this may not be db techniques, but honestly, after almost 3 years of this up and down and lying, i have to be done.

and if it meant responding to her text after a few weeks of not responding, if it meant attempting to stop his lies and getting him angry at me for it, fine.

its enough.

i tried believing him, and i shouldnt have.

i did everything i could for this marriage, everything. nothing held back, nothing left out, nothing said or not said that should or shouldnt have been.

my family did everything as well to welcome him and help him return to himself.

so this is it. i will have to be ok with it.

so i let it go out with a bang lol. ok.

i just say, why should he get to finagle his way around while i suffer the effects of foreclosure, heartbreak and now the ramifications of the store?

He shouldn't, but there is a WAY to hold him accountable that works, and there is a way that doesn't, and you're not listening. You asked for advice, and everyone told you to "drop the rope," and the first thing you did was confront and pursue.

I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Puppy

im sorry u feel that way.

i did what i felt i should, i said what needed to be said and im done with that.

too much has occurred here, if i can express that well over the computer or not.


now im done and moving forward with the divorce.

I think that soon he will realize that he has really messed up. You are LRTing. I do wish that you hadnt contacted her. ugh. Her. There is always a Her. But really, it makes me smile a little that you messed things up for them. Im not sure that its worth the pain that is has caused you though.

It looks like you are LRT-ing, and it looks like you have gotten to a place where you are willing to actually follow through with your last resort.

I hope that these things dont play out like they look like they will. Im sorry that they started to look better only to turn into this. But really, now that you are where you are, step away. Let him sink his ship and see how his life looks when he gets exactly what he wants. Dont you let yourself and your boy fall down with him.