Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I've come full circle #26

Your ex had a lotta nerve inviting himself to your house for a party. You can always tell him no, if you want to. Not fair for him to ruin your party with your sons.

I haven't spoken with him about it and didn't find out that he invited himself until last night. I will really leave it up to S16. It is "his" party. If he is fine with it, I will go with the flow.

Ex is going to continue to be self-absorbed until he isn't. He feels entitled to everything. I can't change him but I can keep changing me. Everything doesn't need to be a fight. Skank may end up being a blip on the radar but I will have to deal with him for the rest of our lives. I just am trying to focus on making my life and the kids lives as good as I can.

Gee somedays I actually sound like a grown-up.

kat

HEY! There will be none of that "growin up" stuff here!

Kat you sound so good. I just wanted to tell you I'm so proud of you.

Corey

Thanks Corey!! Just remember you can always come here and pretend to fly, be a monkey, be a witch , live in the Merry Old Land of Oz(or Ahhhss, take your pick) or maybe even in a place called Kansas. Because really, no matter where you are, there is no place like home.

Hope I gave you a smile. I am so proud of you too. Just remember we are all in this together.

hugs, kat

Kat, looking back to a year ago, do you feel happier and less stress now or about the same or worse? Just kind of curious. I think you're about a year or so ahead of me in the process, so I was wondering what you think about that. Karen

Good question. I think I am about a year and a half ahead of you in the scheme of things. I found out about the EA right after Father's Day 3 years ago. He moved out that November right before Thanksgiving, came over all the time, lots of family time and occasional "together time". I started going to a C in September of 07 and he filed for divorce right before Thanksgiving. I didn't find out until December. I was never even served. A "friend" told me it was in the paper.

I was severely depressed from finding out that he filed until mid-March. Started reading and eventually posting here. I ended C October of 08. D was final July 30, 2008. I am doing tons better now. In fact sometimes I can even say I am great. My boss told me he knew that the past two years have been horrible for me but he feels that he can give me even more to do, he feels that comfortable about how I am doing. He said he even feels a huge weight being lifted off of his shoulders!

Most of my anger/frustration is in regards to the situation he creates for the kids. He doesn't think about them or their needs, just wants to appear as a good parent. Like I said, I can't change him just me.

Things are far from perfect. I am working full time and raising the kids pretty much by myself and some things just have to give. I need to get the kids really helping this summer and we will get even closer to our goals for the house. We are getting there.

kat

Thanks for the info, Kat. You do sound stronger and happier than you did a year ago I think.

Yeah, I think my kids need to pitch in more too. They're used to me as maid and I've told them now I'm working I can't do that anymore. And I think it'll be good for them anyway to be more self-sufficient. Hope your'e having a good day today!!!

Oh, I am happier. Guess I never said that. Feel less stress now that I actually had the trustee hearing last week. I still have bad days as you know but I would have those regardless. I can't blame those on anything.

I do still feel stress too, same scenario. I can't say that I won't slip now and then but this week especially since I made it through his birthday on Monday, I feel stronger. Can't beat that.

kat

Kat, I have never posted on your thread but have done so on another but I wanted to thank you for the last post you made.
I have tried repeated to point out that my post was concerning your thoughts/ beliefs that USA and European behaviours differ greatly on certain aspects. As the mother of 3, 30yr olds,plus friend and confidant to many more,plus 18+ year olds due to vol. work,I felt the need to stand up for them and say they are not all sleeping over on first dates.
I guess in most places there is a huge variety of behaviours.

Gosh point made. That is all.No personal slur was intended to anyone,just a wish to correct an assumption/generalisation.

You certainly sound as though you are over the worst and accept the down days but know tomorrow will be better. I guess thats all any of us can do.
My best wishes to you for all your tomorrows.

Naej, I am terribly sorry that things got so messed up there and for any part I may have played in it. I had an exchange student from Belgium stay with us and I probably let him get away with a bit more since I understood the cultural differences until he wanted to stay over at his girlfriends. Sorry that isn't going to happen here when you are just 17 and maybe dated the girl once or twice. I am not naive enough to not realize that there are ways around that.

You already get the point I was making. I often wonder how that will be addressed in any future relationship I have. I appreciate you posting to me and would be happy to hear any words of wisdom you can impart on my own situation.

kat