Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy he is back, i think

Why not?

why not?

because our bank account is -332. my house is in foreclosure.

my family was helping us for the store and our bills.

the store wasnt supporting itself or us yet, we were getting help.

and while people were helping and while he was accepting help, money was still being spent somewhere else.

just in gas for him to go to that area alone is a problem.

If it affects you directly financially, then okay. But I'm trying to get you to drop the rope for now as far as "it's not right" positions toward your husband. HE DOESN'T FACTOR INTO YOUR THINKING AT THE MOMENT, except as it PERTAINS TO YOUR DIRECT WELL-BEING/logistics, etc. Emotionally, he's gone.

Isn't there some way you can firewall your own finances and the store's funding from him, and take away his ability to withdraw funds to spend directly on his affair?

Puppy

there are no finances right now.

i think he must have some cash stashed somewhere, claims he really doesnt, needs money from others to fund the store and keep it running, therefore his stash stays in tact.

he then uses his stash to spend on gas and whatever else on her.

pretty sure he is paying her phone and internet access (ive done my research).

we have household bills not paid right now.

what ever stash he is, isnt much left, i dont think it can fund the store and keep that going either.

its a big mess, but i cant let my family getting further into the mess or myself, financially.

im thinking to go into the store this morning, i want to see the register tapes from the last week or so, i want to see the check book, see what money went in and out, see what i can and cant account for.

even if he is taking $20 a day out of the register, using it for gas to go to her, its just not ok right now.

he made the choice to come home, leave his job "focus on us".

it is not ok to spend our business money, money that should pay our bills, somewhere else, when there just isnt enough money to go around. did i mention the bank acct is in the negative?

i did a bad thing. i went to store, didnt plan on saying anything, he got me started:

he rewrote history of the last year and threw up at me the last 3 years.

i told him i do not wish to discuss the last 3 years, im looking at now, today. look where we are standing? outside of our store.

i said, u lied over and over about her, i believed u. u said it was over with her. i believed u.

i said, all i did was try to save my family, try to believe in you again.

so please do not blame me, do not tell me u didnt want to be with me over these last years.

u filed for divorce and did nothing, never moved forward. u came home told me u wanted to try, dont take that back now.
i gave u plenty of outs, told u what i expected of us working on things and if u couldnt do it, that i didnt want u home.

but u came.

i also said, by no means am i telling u to leave the house, but out of curiousity, if u dont want to be home with us and have somewhere to go as u went last night, why do u still plan on coming home? why, if u have somewhere else?

no answer.

anyway, i know i shouldnt have gone, shouldnt have engaged with him. but i did.

ive decided i will respond to the ow. not sure when, maybe today, maybe tomorrow.

i plan on sending her a text saying, i know you texted me that u wanted to talk. if u still want to talk, call me and we can.

i will not be mean, i just think its time she knows the truth and we are all on the same page.

she never thought she was the other woman. from what i understand, she caught on and got rid of him.

i think he is trying to lie his way back to her, now that the store isnt doing well and wants to wash his hands of everything on my end.

This is what you call dropping the rope? Oy, vey....

Well, I contacted the OW once. I didn't get any satisfaction from it, it doesn't really help even though you think it might. They apparently discussed it and prob. laughed. I've never done that since. I think it is something that you might regret.

I agree with Puppy on dropping the rope. Focus on you and your business. You can decide what to do later. I do think if your H's been getting money from family and friends for the business and putting it towards OW, if it is your family and friends, maybe something can be done about that? Other than that, I would concentrate on you. GALing and leading a busy, positive life helps us to get through this. Church is good if you're inclined to that. You need to get to no contact, maybe just brief business-related emails and that's it. You can do this, and if you do you will feel a lot better than you do. I found the less contact with my WAS the better my PMA and I think it might be the same for you.

Karen

i agree with both of you. but i have been through this with him before, last year around this time.

he is in the backyard busy texting on his phone.

im just so angry.

i didnt need him to come back to do this, to put us further in debt and now treat me like i caused it.

im restraining myself from responding to her text.

Which I think makes it even more important for you to detach. No question about that.

He sounds like he's in the crazy fog phase. It's horrible to live with that, the debt, I've been there too and many others of us here. It sucks.

It sounds like some of your anger is that he got you sucked back in, but you're an adult and made your own decisions, the best you could at the time. I doubt he is making rational or logical decisions right now, I see our WAS usually as kind of addicts in an active addictive phase. Being angry at addicts is just unproductive. And you know you didn't cause this, and in time if he doesn't already realize that, he will. They blame us b/c they don't want to blame themselves.

I'm glad you didn't respond to the text. I don't think it will help. I always try to take the high road and detach and it makes your PMA better. Karen