Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My situation #9

Steady,

I'm not going to call you a pussy, but you do need to stop this chitt. It does you no good and why are you putting so much energy into beating yourself up. Your a great dad, you have great kids and you had a great weekend. Focus on the positives and stop fu**ing dwelling on the negatives.

That is your W's doing so stop letting her control you. Remember you have the POWER to be happy or sad, to think your a great person or a loser and to control your future or let others do that for you. Which ones do you want?

Now get the fu** out of your head and take back control ou YOUR LIFE.

Tim

Thanks Mike, WT and Tim. I need the feedback so I posted what was going on in my head... I know I have to get out of the loop but for some reason the past few days it's been really hard for me to do.

There's nothing you guys said that hasn't been said to me by each one of you many times before - but I still need to hear it and get the reinforcement. I consider you all my friends and a great help to me as I go through this process. So please, fire away. It really helps for me to get hit...

WT you're absolutely right. But it's a big difference between intellectualy understanding that and a whole different story to know is in my bones. And yes, I continue to give her power but renting space in my head to her.



Again WT right on the money with the statement about her not getting her way and then emotionally beating the sh!t out of me. But I also see that I'm allowing that to happen - enabling that cr@p. Before these last few days I felt like I had taken my power back and wasn't really that affected by her. I think taking care of her last week set me up for a fall too.



How do you stop caring? How do you stop loving? I can relate to the detaching part and I wish I didn't care or love her. But that's not the case at this particular time.



I know I am the only one that can pull my a$$ out of this, but I also know you guys always help me so much when I get spinning like this. So in reality, I can't always do it by myself. That's why I reach out. And I'm grateful there is always a bunch of hands reaching back.

I have been doing a ton of self talk and it usually works like a charm. It's the amount of effort it takes to negate the negative projections that help drain me. I'm working on keeping my mind in today, in this moment, and when I see my mind wandering backwards or forwards I keep bringing it back to the present.

Thanks abby. Nice coincidence that you mentioned that book. I've been reading it for two days now. And last night I started watching his DVD from the Findhorn retreat. I read the book years ago but forgot what I was working towards. Kind of lost my direction a long time ago. I'm trying to get back to my roots - of things I was pursuing but let them go.

Thanks Mike. I needed that. And you're right. I'm allowing her and the situation I find myself in to dictate how I feel. I do feel bad about what my kids are going to have to go through and that's not helping me at all. Plus the fact I'm having to leave my house and live at my brother's house is a bit harsh on me too.

I know it's all projection and I need to stop it...NOW.

You're always a big help.

I'm feeling better already reading all you guys and girls' posts. Thank you for being there for me.

Correct. Because you slid back into old behaviors. Forgive yourself and move on.



Acknowledge that you love and care but also acknowledge that it is not returned. Acknowledge that her treatment of you is unacceptable. And after you acknowledge these things let the thoughts go. Reclaim your strength and commitment to yourself.



You do this all yourself. We just guide you back to the path. All the work is YOURS. And you should reach out, that's how we know to guide you back. Well, most of us guide you back, someone thumps you back on path, but it all works.



Right that's what I mean about acknowledging thoughts. If they come into your mind, recognize them and pull your focus to the task at hand - the present moment - your current focus - YOU.

WT

Yes. And I forgive myself.



Again, Yes. It is not returned and her treatment of me is unacceptable. Closer to disgusting.



And that was a mistake I made. No posting as soon as I saw myself circling the drain. LOL @ the thumps...those are great too. They have a good way of waking me up. So I do appreciate them alot.



WT you are the best! I am so glad you post on my thread.

I feel much better now than I have in the past few days. And I think the problem was I wasn't posting what was going on - if I had, I could have resolved it much quicker.

A few minutes ago I realized something:

I am resisting what is and it's causing my misery. The situation itself is sad and not in line with what I want, but it is what it is. To resist it is insanity because it is and anything else is just a dream and not reality - and only causes more and more pain depending on how high the resistence goes.

This is fundamental Jiu Jitsu - and I studied that art for 10 years and became and instructor. Again, like I said before, I need to go back to my roots.

WT or Mike or anyone else that can set me straight,

I could use some of this in my thread if you ever get a chance.

Steady, sorry to hijack. Just need help. You are a lot farther than me because you are getting it, even if you backslide some. Keep it up!!!

LonelyRzr

lol LonelyRzr...I'm not sure how much I get it. I understand it but consistently doing it is another thing altogether.

ahh..you don't have to thank me..I'm here with ya..

all this is as frustrating for me as it is for you..

I lived all this with the exception of the drinking.

my way may not be the best way but it's the only way I know..I figure if you or anybody else gets tired of it you'll tell me to stop...

I can't bring myself to tip toe around the bullchitt that a WAS does...I've found the longer I am here and the more I deal with Kim as an exW the less bullchitt I tolerate...

Just do your best to not let her make you spin..she will say and do all kinds of nasty ass things..the more you move forward the worse she will be..

hopefully she will have some sort of epiphany...but don't count on or expect anything..