Hi all. Been busy answering affidavit, etc. Of interest, I posted to a legal divorce website for some advice. I was sorta stung by the response, but, mebbe it's just me:
My query:
Quote:
Hi..this is my first time posting. I am a 50 year old white male sadly going thru a divorce involving 2 children, ages 8 and 6. We are in the state of NY. We've both been counseled to stay under the same roof which, as you know, has been very difficult. My spouse's initial pendente lite was favorable to me. She tried to have me thrown out and also filed a false police report. After a financial appraisal of my business came out favorable for me again, she filed a motion, again. to have me thrown out, temporary sole custody of the children and $25,000 in legal fees.
My atty has recommended a countermotion against her and asked me to request 'relief'. One of these will be court ordered family counseling since my children are suffering from her screaming, anger and outbursts. I will also request to be notified about medical and dental appointments and, I guess, in some form, to stop being excluded from their education.
As you can see, my spouse has become vindictive, punishing and vengeful even though she wanted out (I filed). Her behavior borders on parental alienation. Can anyone enlighten me as to any other forms of relief I can request? One of my friends suggested right of first refusal but I am not sure if that 'flies' in NY.
Thank you...from a first time poster. FIB
The response:
Quote:
Right of first refusal is a great idea that is rarely enforced if ever.
The truth is you can get it put in and if she doesn't do it, you can then pay to take her back to court and have a judge slap her hand and say don't do it again. Either you have a relationship where your ex and you can communicate and talk about alternate care for the kids or not.
I am unsure why your lawyers advised you to stay in the house. I think a lot of the screaming, yelling and tension is coming from both of yall having to live together. I can't see where this is a good environment for anyone. My guess is yall are fighting over who gets the house. I would suggest finding alternate living accommodations for either you or your wife. Otherwise things will continue to downgrade and get more tense in your home.
I am unsure why with you living your house, you are unaware of your children's education and doctor's visit. I am guessing this is more for the future when the divorce is final, and you are not always with your children. Again you can place a stipulation in the agreement to be notified. Also, since you are the parent of the children, you can under the law contact the children's doctor and get medical results for yourself. As for education and religion, that is something that can be settled when you set a up a parenting plan.
Since you are trying for court ordered counseling, then this would be an excellent opportunity to work on a parent plan with your stbx. This will make sure that you are both on the same page on education, religion and various other issues with the child. Also, if there is a conflict, it is also possible that the co-parent councilor will help work out a solution.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I dont disagree with the response, although the legal system does have you trapped living together. You should have clarified in your post that part about how leaving the house could cause the divorce process to go on much longer.
The part I think both of your lawyers failed at is getting a parenting plan done first and quickly.
The part I think both of your lawyers failed at is getting a parenting plan done first and quickly.
Agree.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
OMG....SOTS...you're back. WOW. We need to catch up.
Spitty...thanks.
And to frank_D...welcome back. I like the new frank.
To all....I finished my response to STBXW's affidavit and wrote up my crossmotion.
I spoke with my atty today. I will try and quote some of her comments:
Quote:
You know, no one would believe this. I can't believe you've had to suffer through this. I don't think the judge will believe how bad this was. Has she deteriorated? Those kids need you.
I still try to keep a foot in reality. I emailed some of my responses to one of my friend's here...to help me stay objective. After all this time, it is not easy to swing back hard at someone you tried to save a marriage with. Whereas my STBXW's affidavit attacks me throughout, my responses and cross motion reference the pain that my children are going thru...how she hurts THEM...and to request the judge to order family counseling. Sadly, I submitted almost 30 plus typewritten pages. She will have a lot of typing to do to respond.
If she says ANYTHING TO ME...my only response will be, 'stop the motions and get this done'. This is just like my son and daughter. I tell him to stop teasing her...he doesn't listen...he gets hurt.
STBXW motions....I respond...she gets pissed.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIb, I am sorry you are having to deal with still more of her bullsh##. It must be so difficult for you being in the same house. Too bad if she gets pissed - consequences.
I have no sympathy for her, none. Sucks for her if she doesnt like how things are going.
Hey there FIB hang in there, as if there's any other choice. You're just wired that way!
Remember the Hoyts... There can be something wonderful out of perseverance and pain.
You've stood strong but I feel I must reiterate pick the battles that really matter. You may be doing this but it's only a reminder. She's bitter and you need to be bigger and better!
Keep it up my prayers are with you.
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
Thanks all. I feel good. I am doing some major surgery with good results.
Last night I operated on a 75 year old gentleman with a large bowel obstruction. Today...he is doing well. His wife told me today, by his bedside, how she prayed for me last night and asked for me to be blessed...to keep me strong during the surgery. Wow.
I learned they were married and I asked them...my question...what was their secret:
Quote:
I love her....I still love her
Quote:
He drives me crazy but I love him
Love is a choice. Staying married is a choice. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
When I hear of people having surgery, I always pray for the doctors and nurses that will be caring for the person. I would imagine most people do they just don't tell you about it.
I really have only read this thread and parts of others and WOW, I am left speechless.
I can only offer my respect for your actions and decisions. I am proud to know that you have not left your children in order to free yourself. They will thank you one day for that.
I did my dad at the ripe age of 35 when for the first time he shared with me the legal battles that he had to try to get custody of me. That was in the 70's and the law wasn't on his side then. He never mentioned it to me, or the reason why because he didn't want to slander my mother and her poor decisions.
PS..... my mom was a great mom except she remarried an abusive man.... he wanted us away from that.
I have always admired my father when he told me that, I had no idea and he thought I knew... he thought my mom would have told me.
Strength and Honor
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
