<< This love I have for him is what I based all my hopes on for a "happily ever after". It's the deep kind of love that people share for family. And I was/am willing to build on it. But he seems to want just that. And "THAT" isnt enough for me. Maybe if I were 65-70, it would be. I am 38 and I need more.
Isn't what you are saying the same as ILYBINILWY? And what's the definition of "love", what you want or what he wants? I also think John's question begs an answer.
Kalni, I'm sorry I haven't posted to you in a while (I have been following along).
Glad to hear you are feeling better today!
Just wanted you to know that I was impressed with the things you had to say to your husband yesterday. I hope with all my heart that you were somehow able to get through to him. It's frustrating when all we want from our spouse is answers and he/she is unable (or won't) give them to us.
I have to tell you that I agree fully with what Bill wrote to you the other day. There is nothing wrong with having expectations or setting standards for yourself. Personally, I do not feel that you have asked anything of your husband that any other wife would not expect. Maybe I am wrong here, but I think we all want a man who is going to spend time with us (both with and without the kids)...a man who is interested in us romantically/intimately and shows us he is....a man who is interested in our daily activities...a man who expresses his love for us. I may have missed something, or maybe I am wrong in what you are looking for; but, I do not see your husband giving you these things.
It takes TWO to make a marriage work...TWO people who are willing to put in the time and effort...I don't see but ONE in your situation....YOU!! It's time for HIM to do some of the work. He is the one who came to you MONTHS ago wanting to reconcile....he should be treating you like a princess. He should be doing whatever it takes to "win" you over. You have told him what you want/need. Now, it's up to him to meet those wants/needs.
Kalni, like all of us here, you deserve the BEST!!
Hey M, I liked what yuo posted, you sound very clear, very calm and like you are getting there. It doesnt matter what anyone posts, I said, when you know, you will know (I also said May!)
FB.. I think perhaps you should give it up. Let it go. Seriously man, you have tried. But you are a 'scientific, rational' kinda fella, K (and me) dont operate like that. We go on feelings, emotion, intuition, at least I think K does as much as I do (despite my analysis).. if it feels right, you do it, if it doesnt, you dont.
K.. did you post pics yet of your jewellery on FB? I did of my space trumpet! xxx
<< This love I have for him is what I based all my hopes on for a "happily ever after". It's the deep kind of love that people share for family. And I was/am willing to build on it. But he seems to want just that. And "THAT" isnt enough for me. Maybe if I were 65-70, it would be. I am 38 and I need more. Isn't what you are saying the same as ILYBINILWY?
Yes I guess so. So? What's wrong with that? After 2 years I am saying that I am not in love with him BUT I REALISE that with work and commitement we could make it and bring at least some of the passion back. What's your objection with that? I am honest I am not in love with him, but I dont LEAVE fb2. You seem to forget that I am still here giving HIM all the chances of the world to straighten up his head and work with me. Am I IN love with him? How could I possible be in love with him? .
And what's the definition of "love", what you want or what he wants? I also think John's question begs an answer.
I thought I answered his question. No? He asked if I love my H. What did I miss? I am not trying to define love. It's all very subjective anyway since we are talking about a feeling. I need to feel loved. My LL should be used for once by H otherwise....nothing.
He came around 2 in the morning. I smelled good, was wearing a nice, not sexy cami with boy shorts I bought last week, I was calm and offered him dinner (didnt know if he had eaten already). He took his clothes off and came to bed. No talks so late or anything. This morning he got up and saw me dressed leaving and I went over and kissed him lightly to say good bye.
I am ok. I was walking to my car thinking that it will be a shame if we give up because it takes a long time to feel so familiar with someone and know his expressions, his taste, his background, his different laughs, the looks and what they mean...
It is also a waste to feel like life is passing you by. M
'he came around 2 in the morning, I smelled good, was wearing a nice, not sexy cami with boy shorts.....he took his clothes off and came to bed'
was he invited to come around? why come around so late? did he take ALL of his clothes off?
what would happen if you took all your clothes off and loved his body as he lay there. No expectations of a response, just investigating the male body to see what's it's like. Pretend like you've never seen his body before.
Just wondering what would happen. I bought "the passionate marriage" by David Snarch last week and it talks a lot about intimacy and is quite 'in your face' about sex and connecting and differentiation.
My sitch is so much like yours, only my h DOES want sex. It seems to be the only thing that he will verbalise that he does want. Dunno if he wants to be married, dunno if he wants to live in the same house etc.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
H came home after work, that's his schedule, he finishes around 1-2 in the morning every day. We had agree that he would come over so he can babysit today because the kids had no school. We had previously arranged that.
No, he didnt take all his clothes off,he actually asked for a tshirt to wear because he has no clothes here.
Love his body...? I guess that's something I would have done a year ago. I am not into making love with someone that doesnt want me or shows me that he is at least a little bit attracted to me... I did move closer to him and asked him if he was ok before I fell asleep. K
Good morning K, just reading along...hope you aren ot too tired this morning. Acouple of things popped up at me...apart from the obvious I do NOT love him anymore (which I knew a long time ago). Just wanted to know if that "feeling" was coming back.
"was walking to my car thinking that it will be a shame if we give up because it takes a long time to feel so familiar with someone and know his expressions, his taste, his background, his different laughs, the looks and what they mean"
I remember not so many months ago, that feeling of familiarity was not as important because another feeling was envelloping you. But I do get what you ,mean...it is a shame.
"It is also a waste to feel like life is passing you by. Yes, I know this "feeling" as well...but only you have the power to make that feeling stop. Surely one person does not have that type of power over us....I refuse to believe that and so should you!
K, You are a wonderful woman to the core and your feelings are real and justified. And yes you are honestly doing everything you can, listening to your heart and then thinking and acting. You are not a quitter by any means. But all this must not wear you down too much; maybe focus on the artwork when you feel down. It's all still a mystery and hopefully clarity will come one day. Only something wonderful can ultimately happen to you because of who you are. (More later as I'm swamped.)
