Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Game Over?

t-minus 13 days.

Gave her the papers on Friday, didn't really seem to phase her at all.

Had a decent weekend with the boys although they brought nothing with them to occupy them during periods of "boredom" when I'm cooking or what not. Of course all they wanted to do was blow ridiculous amounts of money I don't have on things like amusment parks or something else extravagent. We did go to dinner on Friday (ran into FIL, that was fun), went to the movies on Saturday (BTW-Terminator Salvaltion is not that great), mini-golf on Sunday along with going out for pizza. Even just that makes me cringe to balance my checking account later.

On top of that, received another invoice from attorney that I have no idea how I'm going to pay.

My cousin thinks they are purposely guided not to bring anything with them as she thinks W assumes i'll just buy them things. I'd love to but I can't.

We chose a mutual meeting spot yesterday morning for w to pick the boys up. She was actuall on time and not hung over from a long weekend of partying, as presummed, she left immediately after I picked them up on Friday.

Made my ribs for the first time in 12 years yesterday. W said they were too expensive to make and she doesn't like ribs anyways, so I was never allowed to make them when we were together. Finally got the back yard under control and moved on to the front and looking good thus far.

I did find myself last night starting to go get depressed, just sitting there staring down that road of "Im miss her and want her back". But that's all I did was sit there and stare at the road, then I turned away and went my own merry way.

To know that everything is almost over and she did not show any emotion about it, then partied and spent the weekend with OM, I think one more of my finger has slowly let go what I shouldn't hold on to anymore.

She did tell me to "have fun" after she took the boys back yesterday morning. And I had to text as to how long to boil corn cobs (something she always did) and she did respond, but only to the question.

Will have to see her again tonight as I have to drop off S12's bike he brought over the weekend as it had a flat tire, again, and it doesn't fit in in OM's cracker box car.

Oh, and last weeks emotional crash took it's toll.

Saturday, S10 commented on the veins in my arms "being so visable", they always were just not as bad when I had a bit more weight to me, then when we went to the moives I wore shorts for the first time this year and he said "Dad your legs are tiny!". Didn't even notice myself til he sad so. Checked the scale and dropped another 12 pounds.

dday,

I know what you mean. I couldn't afford to lose anything and now I'm down 22lbs.!!!! I feel so damn ungly. I noticed that I was losing in the beginning when clothes didn't fit but this is getting way out of hand!!!

Maybe if we get together and promise to do something together we can gain our weight back again!!

What do you think? Sound good???

Hi Lost.

I think there's a thread back in the WAW forum about weight loss. It would seem the first 6 months where you are at are where the most weight loss occurs. During that period I had shed 40 something pounds, and I wasn't even "oeverwieght", yeah so I was 15 over the top end of my "ideal" weight based on height. So, I now do concider myself to unhealthfully underweight and now that my S10, who weights more than I do now!, has pointed it out I took notice and I do need to do something.

I eat rather healthy. But to touch on those crashes I keep warning you about, I didn't eat/hold in food for 4 days last week and that's not good. So just goes to show, it's a long-long road, be good to yourself now so you can be ready for the travels.

hmmm, ok a review of things after re-reading the thread really sparks my curiosity.

I didn't think much of it until now, but OM always gives me this smug look and makes it a point to hang around when he's not needed (read as welcomed). Firiday night he gave this weird blank look, and yesterday morning my car is in an empty parking lot and yet he pulled up several hundred feet away and made W walk. Then wouldn't even look in my direction as I gave W the kids bags and waved bye to S10 who hopped in OM's car without even saying good-bye to me.

That coupled with she appeared sober and in good spirit.

Now add in the ability to actually speak without getting into a fight, her comments of how D "isn't what she wants", she says she doesn't want me reduced to a part-time parent, really wants to be friends, and the list goes on.

Lastly and what got me thinking of it is the whole weight thing, she lost a tremendous amount of weight of well that has rapidly returned.

It all has to mean something, but what?

t-minus 12 days.

Still in recovery mode from last week, but doing better each time I think of all this. Spoke to her briefly after work on the phone regarding S12's bike and if I should drop it off last night or today when I take the boys to dinner, she opted for today. I did my best to put on a upbeat tone and it worked, she sounded kind of baffled.

Still hoping and don't know why I would want to, that things change between us, but I'm fairly certain there's no way. I need to keep my nose out of others threads for now because I find myself bleeding that hope in situations where it's not possible.

I guess at this point I'm using my anology of letting go finger by finger and the 9th of next month will be the final finger to go and that will be my work for myself unitl then, to figure how many are gone, and how willing the last few are to hang on to something that wants to be let go. Someone in another thread told me that it's basically pointless to hold on to something that doesnt want to stay, and I'll have to remember that.

I'm going to write this here and get it out of my system before I see her tonight, S10 (will be 11 on the 5th) has been on a kick of occurances with the number 11, W is 11 years older than her youngest brother who is 11 years older that S10 and S10 is (technically) 11 years older than his new niece.

So in that spirit I'd love to play on that with W that tomorrow there will be 11 days left to decide the fate of an 11 year M that has been brought to hault by her 11 months (known) with OM.

I also had a thought this morning, I deserve so much better than this. So that will add to my "homework" of 'finger counting'.

EDIT - After I re-read this I remmebered another thought this morning and one that has been re-occuring the whole length of all this: Not to boost my own ego, but I firmly believe that there are days and nights that she has to look at herself and OM and question WTF she is doing with him, and she has eluded to this in the past, he is the typical OP, nothing like me, ungroomed, no with no class what so ever, and in being so, they have a very uncertain future.

We, had it all, a nice big house, a boatload of friends that admired us, I had (have) a stable job, we could buy things when we wanted, I worked on and around the house, decent cars, basically your typical middle class happy little family.

What does she have now? No money, no friends, lives in her father's house, broken down cars (other than OM's rusty POS, but it runs), both are in and out of employment, and custody of 2 kids that are every so slowly coming to see on their own that this not right and they are starting to resent her on their own recognicance.

t-minus 11 days.

So this is interesting. Picked up the boys last night for Wednesday visitation. W was no where to be found. So after spending a few minutes standing around in front of "her" house with the boys trying to get a plan together, we finally pile up in my truck and leave. In the rear view I see OM hurridly leave the porch and get in his POS car, guess he was on the front porch all along.

At dinner I got curious and asked the boys, so where was your mother at? The said she wasn't home. (she had texted me twice to pick them up from her house vs. police station which we haven't done the police station swap in well over a month anyways).

Any way we had fun, went bowling which thankfully the attendant charged me their "new summer rate", and it was only half the amount it normally is. So, in the midst of bowling there must of been some kind of party in the banquet room and this one lady is little toasted and begins to flirt with me commenting on S12 rightfully putting my name on the monitor as 'dad' and she goes on and on about "you can't be their dad you're too young" yadda-yadda. I just played it polite and kept it small trying to get her to see that although flattering, I'm not interested and she finally got the hint after about ten minutes of this or so.

Here's the funny part, bring the boys back to W and S10 as reliable as can be immediately begins to blurt out "dad's got a girlfriend (teasingly). W was standing all of a few feet away from (as usual for some odd reson) and turned stone white and gave me this weird look. S10 kept going on saying the woman's name, as she introduced herself, an dhow she kept "hitting on me". For some reason or another W gave this sort of 'disappointed' look. I just shrugged my shoulders as to say 'hey, what am I supposed to do, you put me back out there?'.

Pretty weird that was.

Then, S10 pointed out "our" Trans Am (was our pride and joy) had been moved and said "see dad, it does run, just not well". Then said "mom, you need to wash 'YOUR' car. Taking that in stride I queitly let her know that the statement of it being hers still gets to me as S10 did a full on butt-plant on the hood. I would have normally gone ballastic at that very second and pretty much come short of threatening his life, but I said nothing. Again, wife looks at me with a 'disappointed' look as to say "why didn't you say anything to him about that!?!". And again, I shrugged my shoulders and smirked as to say 'hey, it's "YOUR" car'.

So that is all, I was hoping to get her imput on what she thinks of the D papers. I will ahve to talk to her tonight about it. I need to know how much more finances I don't have, to commit to this action. Turns out now my cousin's main employer is dropping their insurance effective immediatlely and with her just getting out of a cast, is not good. I also need to talk to W about S10 b-day next week and what she's getting him, and visitation plan changes if any. Then lastly, but I'm not sure if I will say anything at this point, but for some odd reason only the checks that I have written her thus far for child support are the only one's that the bank seems to have a problem scanning images of. I want to say that she is not forging them with my signature as "cash only" so there is no record of the transaction, however, given all the other things she done in the last year or so, I put nothing past her.

Hi, From out here it looks like you are doing great. I think you are in the right place to turn this around to where you want it to be. However, W is not ready. You don't want her back like this, you want her back after she has figured things out. I see a lot of cracks in her plan and I believe that one day you might catch her if you are still willing. I don't think it will be soon. Your countdown is painfully close to ending, however, I believe that the "final insult" of the D will help you to get even stronger and make it even harder for W. How about them apples?

Hang in there. You are winning. Thanks for your journaling.

Lucas, that is exactly what I am hoping for.

I know I don't want her back now, as the person she's become, intoxicated in the euphoria (whatever that may be, yuck!) of OM. And truth be told, I don't think it could even be possible. However it would be nice if she could just step up and say "hey, wait a second", kick OM out of the picture and let's just spend some "away time".

But again, what does that tell the kids? On the same token, what does either of the options tell the kids? Would she be willing to go the distance and do the work? CAN, I ever trust her again? The answers are few and far between and not very positive to this situation.

The complication comes in the fact, we have spoken. We both know our wrongs. We both expressed the desire to not persue this. We both love our children very much. But, actions speak louder than words as they say. And if any of what hse says is true, she must act within the next 11 days.

t-minus 10 days (not that is matters anymore)

Spoke with W last night as planned, heard all I needed to hear. She has zero regard for me as a H and father, she has gone so far now as to call family and child services in on me, for what I do not know. Claims she didn't, claims to be sorry for doing exaclty everything she said she WOULDN'T do to me: mainly destroy me financially and cut off my parenting time, but yet tried to have the brass to lay full blame on me for our lives being the way they are, and that she "HAS" to be with OM and would rather not, but that is "my doing". Obviously that was not accepted at all and I have now clearly seen her true colors once and for all.

In all at least it can be said nothing resulted in a arguement, however it appears the legal system will be a part of our lives for some time as she has all the rules and stipulations of the joint parenting agreement in her possesion, yet talks like she has sole custody of how she is going to do this and that where the boys are concerned and there is "nothing i can do about". We'll see about that.

So, I have packed up her emotional belongings left in my heart and threw it out on the front lawn. Now, like the eviction of a sloppy tenant, I have to clean up the filthy mess she made.

It hurt for about an hour, but then I knew, there is no chance for us and I must say as sad as it is, I am releaved.

And timing couldn't be better.

During my month and half that I was doing very very well lately, I ran into a old high school era friend. Turns out she is also recently divorced and having a rough go of things. we had been speaking quite frquently and went to a lunch and a movie at one point.

When I crashed last week, we stopped speaking and now I know why. She sent an e-mail yesterday and professed having feelings for me. I must say we have a VERY comfortable line of communication to work with. I even went so far as to confess I had crush on her way back when I was 14, how embarresing. I could only reply that currently the time is not right and I MUST repair myself first, but for once I have a feeling within me other than dispair. She just so happened to be in the neighborhood last night and stopped by for a hug and nothing more, that was nice So, I will do as I said and work on me and be sure that I'm ok before anything becomes of anything.