Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is there any hope or is the damage done

He is only thinking about himself. Its a hallmark of the MLC/WAH syndrome. They are extremely selfish, only concerned about what is making them happy right now.

I agree that you should get professional help for your D, it cant hurt, look for someone who specializes in children of D. I often wondered how they could behave like this, we wouldnt have fallen in love with men who act as these men do. They just sort of lose their minds. Someday he will look at the flaming wreckage of his life and wonder what in the world he has done, I am absolutely certain of that.

You cant worry so much about what he is doing, and who he is doing it with. It just doesnt help you at all. I really hope that court went well, or at least as well as it can. Im not really sure why he would threaten to move back in, maybe its just an empty threat. Is it possible that hes looking for a way back in?

I just dont know what to say other than we are here for you and I hope that things get easier for you. Let us know how court went.

Blue Rain,

Thanks so much. I do hope that one day he looks back and realises what he has done. the damage has been catastrophic.

Was in court yesterday for 8 hours and we didn't manage to go in front of the judge; just negotiated in different rooms for ages. The safety order has been adjourned for one month; my H is still under protection order which is good; I feel that I have some protection for myself and my daughter.
we have worked out a trial parenting plan which means that he will be putting D7 to bed in the family home one night a week; one night from home time till half seven and a Friday night staying outside the family home returning on Saturday at 6.
Its in place for a month and only a trial and because the protection order is in place I am fine with the arrangement. He isnt going to be staying over night in the house.
My H turned up at court yesterday with his XWife and D27.......why??????? It seemed completely weird and I became very upset.....I dont understand why he did this. They ignored me of course. The painful thing about all of this is that I love my step daughter.

I am in so much pain; I feel run down and debilitated.
I miss my H and my marriage and I feel so alienated from family and friends; I have been deleted. My H seems to have created a scenario where he has everything in his life the way he wants it, including our D7 when he wants her, but I need to be erased (and subsequently the house because I live here).

I have so much grief and loss; I am feeling it at a new level in the last few days.

am starting to think that maybe H hasn't flipped it.......maybe he isn't in crisis.......maybe he knows exactly what he wants.
If that is the case he has caused so much destruction. And seems oblivious to it.

I just want peace and I am in grief and turmoil
Thanks for all of your help. I pray every day and I am trusting that God will help all of us, in his own good time.
Top Edit

By the way, thanks everyone for your feedback; I have just looked further along my thread.
Mark, I really appreciate your insight; I can see that we are going through so much of the same thing.My heart truly feels for you. You are doing a great job; keep strong.

My greatest hope is that our kids grow to be healthy happy adults and that our WAS's somehow realise what they have done

Love and peace

Feeling a little stronger this morning..........
My h had our D7 from hometime from school yesterday till bedtime i arrived home about half nine thinking she would be settled by then but she was still awake. i went into her room to say goodnight. Saw my husband silently frm the kitchen sitting back in a chair in her room with his hand on his forehead staring at the ceiling. came in to say goodnight to D and he wouldnt even look at me let alone say anything.
I have a rotten flu so went into the from living room to lie down on the sofa. My Mum was i here too. When D was asleep he knocked on the door (incredible, its still legally his house and he has to knock on the door; how uncomfortable must he feel) and then proceeded to open the door slightly, peeped his head in and looking at the floor said he was going. Then went straight away, off to OW's house. He just cant cope with the house; being in it makes him feel so uncomfortable.
The way I view it is this; if he had planned his exit with OW then he is cruel and deceitful. if he didnt (which I just dont believe) this is a rebound relationship of the highest order.
Either way I think he is in crisis and that he is not indifferent to this situation, or me. If he was he could easily be in the same room as me, look at me and at least speak civilly to me, especially for the sake of our D.
This morning, at least, I believe that I am worth more than this. His obvious new found euphoria with OW, I hope, will be worth the damage he has caused.
Our D is coping for the last few days, although she drew a picture on an envelope that was addressed to me, of a lady with sad eyes and sad face, scribble through the heart, then a small love heart with an arrow through it, says breaking your heart, oh dear, oh no, oh very very sad.
I worry about her so much.........