So I said :is this how you want to go on? He replied no and asked me when to meet. I said I am available, I dont know when you are and since work is #1 priority, tell me when you can meet to talk. Silence... I asked if he was still on the phone and he said " I am thinking when can we meet..." GREAT!!! He is trying to fit me in his schedule.
K, Try to filter out any kind of sarcasm and finger pointing and see how he responds, next time ?!
I need to read your last few threads, but it doesn't look like much has changed for you. Lanzo is still updating your links, we're still looking at horoscopes and you're still waiting for him to make a move! Time for you to start living - you're too beautiful and vivacious to be in limbo, dear girl.
Wishing you lots of happiness.
Happy Mother's Day! Is it Mother's Day Weekend in your part of the world?
Lots of love to you, R
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Hey Miss Imp, we need to count you in the stats Ali is preparing. By the way, did you ever see what was locked it that box?
Sounds pathetic, I know. Today I feel good. Dont know why, probably becaue the weather is so great here at the moment.
fb2, yes I could filter out the sarcasm, but I have to die first. This is way beyond my ability to manage things in a proper way.
I am delivering the one painting today and I am very happy with the outcome. My first beads arrived yestreday too but I need the rest to start on that project again.
Happy Mother's day to all the mothers here!!! Love K
H came and left with the kids. He still doesnt know if he is working today. His friend will call him at some point and tell him if he needs to cover for him. His friend schedule goes before his kids. If he works he will spend 4 hours with the kids and the kids then will spend all afternoon and night at his sister's. Great huh!!!? But I cant say anything about it. I am not allowed. He is their father and knows what he is doing, right? I wanted to call him names so bad today. My kids need to do their homework, have a party they want to go tomorrow morning, so their schedule is completely ruined because HIS schedule is more important. What a [censored] joke... I cant help it. I am sorry fb2, I am mad at him now. The man isnt capable of even being the weekend dad.
Of course he didnt mention anything about us talking. He probably still doesnt know when... K
Wow K, I dont understand that.. why would he take the kids away (so you are back to your weekend/his weekend arrangements then?) but then take them to his sisters?? Why wouldnt he bring them back to you? And yes, that is pretty poor to ONLY see his kids for 4 hours, seeing as he doesnt see them at all in the week (?). Sort of unnacceptable really. He is in a world of his own.
I guess you could have said to him, honestly, you are surprised he only wants to see his kids for 4 hours a week.. that you are a little hurt that he wont give you a time to meet to talk to you.. I dont know.. something more open, instead of being sarcastic? Although I wouldnt say you shouldnt be mad at him, I am not surprised you are. BUT.. I feel good too today! And the weather is also lovely. Things just seem to have lifted a bit you know? I can really feel it, like a more calm feeling.
The beads did get posted and it was pretty cheap, because even the expensive option would still take 5 days they said. But there is a weekend in the way, so I hope you get them in time for next weekend. xxx
Ali, I am mad not because he gets to see them 4 hours but because he didnt know if he would be working today or not because his colleague would let him know IF he needed to work today to cover for him or notAFTER 13:00(!!!!). So, the kids had to "adjust" to his colleague's schedule (he went away with his family).
He called and said he would take the kids to the newspaper and I could go and pick them up from there. I guess his sister couldnt babysit for him...
Ohh well, anger never did me any good. Back to detachement mode. I'll have a nice evening with my little ones... K
"Ohh well, anger never did me any good. Back to detachement mode. I'll have a nice evening with my little ones..." K,
Neither anger nor detachment would do any good! Healthy communication will do you BOTH a lot of good. Instead tell him specifically what YOU want (very positive tone): to plan and spend time together happily as a family *every weekend* for the *entire weekend* for the next 6 months. Discuss how you both can work together as a team to make this happen. Lead!
(Avoid assumptions(guesses) of his motives, blame, anger, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, finger pointing, withdrawing, ... all negatives. When you feel hurt tell him how YOU feel specifically about such and such without getting angry at him - takes a lot practice, duct tape and biting your tongue - and yes, it is indeed your problem, but after you have communicated in the proper way then he may make it his problem)
Are you making bead based jewellery? Good for you! I made some beaded bracelets in the winter and really enjoyed it. Nothing good enough to sell although Austin and I had a really fun afternoon sitting in a restaurant and playing.
I love that you're doing so many creative things and moving things forward on that front.
I don't know what to say about H. It's hard to tell whether trying different things with him will work- IMHO if he's still completing his MLC then what you do may not have an impact until he's worked through his issues. The question then becomes one of whether you want to keep being patient and see how things pan out as his mental state improves. At least he agrees he doesn't want to go on like this either. Although he's always agreed that, and not changed his behaviour as a result as far as I can remember? I wish I had some good solution based advice!
Hi Lisa, nice to see you. Yes, planning to make bead jewellery with silver. I may not be able to sell any but I will sure have new jewelery this summer...
fb2, I have told him (like I have been telilng you) with all different ways INCLUDING MANY TIMES POSITIVE ONES what I want exactly. How can you tell someone 'I want you to love me". Ohh, wait... I've told him that and even gave him specific examples, oh well, no pride left I guess but we knew that didnt we?
So, I pick up the kids from the newspaper and he tells me thru the window, that my son and his nephew arranged that he comes over with his nephew tomorrow. He repeates and waits for my nodd "they arranged it, son and nephew". I am astonished again by the fact that he used the kids as if he couldnt say no, as if he he couldnt avoit it but making it clear it wasnt his suggestion. He is weak, lost, stubborn and VERY selfish.
fb2, you say clear communication. It's very hard to establish communication with a man that cant voice his thoughts, his wishes, his needs. He only voices his anger
I am done playing games. October to May are...7,5 months and that is enough. Of course he brings his nephew over and we wont be able to talk tomorrow nor has he suggested any time and of course (Sara) he never managed to send me that letter to let me know what his issues are.
I may leave the house when he comes. Just to make a clear statement this isnt what I like. We are separated and I am still the meanest person he knows. We are heading for a divorce and I even think that he is OK with it now. He wont pull the trigger just as I wont pull it. Only I think I am ready now. K
K, I lost track of what exactly you wanted to talk to him about without the kids present? And its not clear what you really want - in or out?
You will have to find a way of communicating and problem solving that actually works. Demanding does not work, asking might. YOU will have to take the lead to change the dynamic to one that has a better likely hood of working and allows you to still keep your dignity if it fails or if he voices anger.
You can tell him you are disappointed by his change in plans (if that was indeed the case). Your leaving the house will not really solve anything regardless of what clear message it sends. Better would be to arrange for someone to come over and babysit when he shows up so you both can take a walk and talk things over.
I realize its hard to think on your feet and solve these sorts of problems when they hit you in the face but you know him well enough by now to predict these things. Remember he is probably hurting also from your perceived behavior towards him (as he sees it you are the "meanest person in the world" so he seems to be avoiding you).
