Would he be willing to send this other woman a "no-contact" letter, requesting that she no longer contact him, and that he was wrong to have let it go on as long as it did, and that he needs to work at his marriage?
Please don't underestimate the strong PULL of these things. Without a no-contact/transparency plan in place, unless one of the partners flat out DUMPS the other, the recidivism rate is EXTREMELY high in these things.
Don't know about that. It's a weird situation in that these are (were?) close friends of ours (our kids called us Aunt & Uncle). I truly believe she wants to get back together with her husband. I do think this emotional attachment came from both of their pain. He seems strongly convicted about no contact and according to him she agreed with him. She does have appointments finally this week with her pastor and counselor. When she and I talked on Saturday, she told me that she believes God can put back together any marriage. She said she was praying for us and I said I'll continue to pray for her.
My H said this is not someone he'd ever want to be with. He's seems to have had a "what was I thinking?" realization. I know I need to be careful and not naive. He's going to have to gain my trust back. Time will tell...
I'm not sure how to handle my friendship with her. Do I call her and see how things went this week? Your suggestions please.
I suggest that you and your husband separate yourselves from her and HER husband, for the good of your marriage. At least for a period of time until you can rebuild your trust and are fully reconciled.
That's a hard-core position, I realize. I also think it's the right one.
I think that's good advice. In fact, she had attended a candle party I had and that's one of the reasons we were supposed to get together last weekend was so I could deliver the stuff to her. My H says he thinks I should just mail it to her which I think I'm going to do.
Got a phone call from my H awhile ago. You won't even believe this. Our friends (one's going through D; husband unwilling to work on marriage and then the wife and my H basically have an EA)are going to try and work things out. The H called my H today and said that he and his W talked several times lately and he's moving back in and they are going try and make the marriage work and go to counseling. He wanted to borrow my H's work truck to move his stuff.
Makes my head spin! I know she had appts with their pastor and a counselor this week. She said she'd felt convicted to try and get through to him to work on their marriage. I'm happy for them but it's such a sudden change of events. Just weird!
My H said he could drop off the candles to his friend's office. I told him I already mailed it this morning and I think that it's best that we keep our distance from them for awhile and just concentrate on us.
Interesting that you said that. He seemed kind of disappointed today that I wasn't more excited about it. I think I'm still just too shocked and if I'm honest - I don't have the best of feelings toward her right now.
But I will be mindful of what you said about him possibly being in a funk and will prepare myself for that possibility.
We're off to the lake this weekend. I'm hoping we can just have some fun. My older son and his girlfriend are coming and our younger son is bringing a friend.
My H asked me if I sure I wanted him to go last night. Which I thought was a weird question. I guess because when everything was so tense a few weeks ago I told him we were going to the lake and he was welcome to join us if he wanted to?
Say a few prayers for us this weekend! Be safe everyone - and enjoy the long weekend!
