Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

Well I called my buddy and am going meet up with him for beer and wings. I need to knock myself out of this funk......

This really sucks!

I allowed myself to get a glimmer of hope from last Friday's conversation where it sounded like she wanted to find a therapist so she could work through her issues so we can work on us. I need to remind myself that the brutal facts right now is that she has filed for divorce, moved out and still has not changed her mind. This is the reality.

I sent my lawyer an email to find out what I can do about the child support hearing. I hopeful that we can get what my wife and I agreed to as the support - otherwise the number could easily double to almost $2500/month! Hopefully I'll get some good news from my lawyer. I did tell my wife that I was going to talk to a lawyer about this. Maybe that's why she was acting a little off this morning. Who knows, I'm not going to waste any more time trying to read her mind.

I need to work on me and get a life so that either way this goes, I will be ok as I will continue to be the best CIPA I can be.

I wish I was actually as confident/strong as this post is starting to sound, but it is helping me get focused on what I have to do....

This sucks but I must not just survive, but need to thrive.

I was out when she called for me to say goodnite to the boys. She commented it was loud. I said I went out to grab dinner and didn't give any details beyond that.

I found a quiet spot and talked to my boys and said goodnite. My wife got back on the phone and chatted for a bit. She said that she may way work on her Ipod again and may need to call me later. I said she could. I reminded her that I was going to call my lawyer to see if we can enter a support agreement without going to court if she was ok with that. She said she was but wanted to know what the formula would give her from support (oh oh, that could be trouble for me as it doubles what we agreed to - to almost 2500)

I just said goodnite and grabbed another drink. Oh well whatever

She didn't call back last nite nor did I get any text/email/call from her this morning

I'm hung over to the point I didn't go to work

Now that I'm out of bed, I'll have to find things to keep me busy so I'm not thinking about her and the situation for the rest of the day.

I know I'm early in the separation (4 weeks) and 4.5 months since the bomb. I just don't see things getting any better. Last Friday's call was the first time she said anything about working on our relationship. It gave me a glimmer of hope. I know I can't count on that to be happy

I just want my family back together

Got an email from her. Just stuff related to the B'day party this Sat. It's not something I need to answer so I'm not going to reply to it

I'm trying to stay Dark/Dim. Its hard as it seems like a very passive way to get my wife back

Is there any reason why you brought up the support agreement last night? That's a prime example of going out and GAL and NOT mentioning the D. The thing is that you have to not mention anything about the D as much as possible.

See it from her perspective. She hears you going out, then she asks for your help on her ipod, and then you mention the support agreement.

From her POV it sounds like you've already moved on. I admit it sounds like a balancing act all the time. But you have to get attuned to all this if you want to save your M.

I had brought up the support agreement as I had gotten "served" on Fri to appear in court for a support agreement. Since I told her I was going to talk to a lawyer about just getting our existing agreement entered, I wanted to make sure she was ok with that. Otherwise I wasn't going to waste my time

She did call to follow up on the email she sent me. (Un?)Fortunately I left my phone at home when I ran out so I missed her call. She left a voice message that said she would talk with me tonite

I'm still a little hung over from last nite (this is the worst hang over I had in years). Guess that's what I get for drinking without lunch or dinner

Oh well... Life goes on...

She called for me to say goodnite to the boys. After I talked with them she got on the phone. We chatted for a few minutes (tactical type stuff) and then I said goodnite

I'm curious if she will actually call for lunch this week

I'm not going to get my hopes up but I do want her to

I know it may not make sense to go out to lunch with her to spend some one on one time. I'm not sure why she would want to if she hasn't changed her mind about keeping the divorce train moving