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Hi Nicole! I'm sorry to about you sitch. Reading thru your posts reminds me of how I felt in the beginning too. Seemed like the bomb came from nowhere and very little communication since H moved out. It does sound a bit encouraging that he's contacted you since you started the 180s, and then a bit of a backslide by finding a place to rent.

I know it's not easy, but there will be good days and bad. Get yourself busy! Take care of the kids, of course, but make time for yourself. Get some exercise, spend time with friends, and pretty soon you'll start having more good days than bad!

Keep posting here and journal about your days, the good ones and the bad. Hang in there!

Hey. I so agree about the kids being the hardest part. I feel EXACTLY the same way...if he could just see that this is only the beginning of their pain...and they don't even know it yet. It is so sad.
Anyway, I read so many of your posts...you are right about this being addicting. you take the words right out of my mouth on so many subjects. Mother's Day was one of my hardest days so far...I had to drop my kids off at his parents and leave. they were having a huge party...and it was the first time I felt excluded from the family. They would have loved me to stay but i couldn't with him there. He wants to get some furniture out of our place this week. I don't think I can handle that in a good DB manner. Another thing that drives me crazy is that my husband has a big truck with a really loud exhaust. EVERYtime I hear the exhaust on any car I think of him, and get the sickest feeling...I also wake up sometimes thinking this is all just a nightmare...and then reality sets in...I am having so much trouble with crying. I can't seem to stop. I also can't stop thinking about him finding someone else and thinking of me as his "practice" wife. And have him treat someone else the way he should treat me...and them living happily ever after with my kids...my family. This is ridiculous and pointless I know. It is so hard not to think about. And the lonliness is unbearable. Ugh! I too feel like it is easier to see the truth when you look into someone else's sitch. then give advice. but when it comes to pepping myself up...I am miserable! Anyway, just babbling I guess and sorry this is so negative. but i will continue to follow your posts...I hope you don't mind. it is alot easier to read someone else's story that write out my own! And you are inspirational to boot! Thanks...
N

N,

Crying at first is good and normal. I cried so much sometimes I didn't know how there could still be tears. As time goes on you can focus on trying to reduce the amount of time you spend crying, maybe even set up a time each day to reflect and let your feelings out. I've found it odd what can trigger the emotions, like you said with the truck exhaust. The best thing you can do is get busy with your girls and doing things for yourself. If you're anything like a lot of moms, you've probably neglected your social needs and now is the time to try to change that. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done. I found making a list of goals to be helpful. Then even when I've had a bad day, I can go back and see that I have accomplished something recently. Hang in there and keep coming back. This place is addictive, but ever so helpful to survival and standing for your marriage. Take care!

HI Thanks mnt and in limbo...
There is truly something to look forward to on this site...kindness of strangers who know exactly how I am feeling. It seems like a lifeline at this point.
My list of goals for today...

1. Go to work and NOT talk about H. (hard to do when you work in a hair salon with a bunch of ladies!!!)

2. NOT talk to H...even if he calls. (is it OK to ignore??)

3. Go to counseling appointment by myself.

4. Play a game with my girls.

5. Single handedly remove ALL exhaust pipes from every car in this dang city and destroy them!!!!! (Just kidding!)

6. Watch Dancing with the Stars.

Don't know how much more I can do in a day...

It is great that you are setting manageable goals! Individual counseling was so important to me in the beginning. It helped to share with an objective person who could help me see things more clearly. Take care.

Great goals! DB teaches it's ok to postpone calling H back and even ignoring him. In my sitch, it's a hot button from before the bomb for my H, so I don't ignore his calls. You'll have to decide for yourself what makes the most sense. The key is not to pursue him. I would say don't ignore calls about the children that are relevant, etc.

Hang in there and work on your goals today. I once had to set a goal to go 24 hours without crying. Just something about setting it made me determined not to cry no matter what. So I think manageable goals are critical.

Take care!

Nicoles, with the lease coming up it is probably time to move back home, two hours is a perfect amount of distance. It is time to disconnect from him, he just may lose you, not the other way around, get that mindset. I know that is not easy. Does he see the children?, next time he gets them, be ready to go out on the town, dressed up and looking awesom. Do not tell him where you are going, make him wonder, just tell him, meeting someone for dinner or a drink or whatever. It is time to be mysterious, men love mystery.

Burt

Thanks Burt and Limbo and bobbijo...
I didn't call back...but I know that we will talk by tomorrow when he is supposed to be picking up the kids. I would never play the kids against him for my gain...it wouldn't help and would definately be the wrong thing to do. I haven't cried today so far...(maybe just a tear this morning) ;)...so that is another goal. Get thru the rest of the evening.
Burt, I appreciate your straightforward reply. I feel like I need that sometimes...someone who just tells it like it is. And you are right..he may just lose me. That really helped me today because trust me..he is losing. I will see him tomorrow and am going to take your other advice as well...even if I have nowhere to go...I am going to look like I do! Then it really will be mysterious, even to me!!!

Great!!!

Fantastic, Good luck today, if you have no where to go, get some ice cream, go to the park for a stroll. Call a friend. Do something for you, remember, just tell him you have plans or you are meeting someone would be better.

Tell me how this goes, I bet he lingers around a bit to quiz you on your plans. But you do not have a lot of time, you have things to do! Gotta run, see you kids, love you, bye.

Burt