Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Game Over?

And that is where I am at today. Call it "anti-db'ing" but that is a logical question, if I where to have done what she has done to me, would she take me back?

The answer would be highly vocalized "no".

Yet, I still feel a compationate love for this woman and don't know how to let it go.

Completely stinks. How can someone rip your whole life apart in light of their own selfishness and yet you still want them to wake up and be back in your life?

TAking the day off from work. I had a horrible weekend and the weather today is supposed to be delightful.

I should also hear from my attorney today and get the scoop on what transpired between STBX and her attorney last Friday.

Also, inlight of being highly broke untill Friday, I think all can do is take the boys out for dinner. It would be nice, sit outside and eat, and chat. Yet I feel highly compelled to ask 'her' to join.

uggh,

Somewhere in the mist of my horrible weekend, I put our wedding photo back out. I do the strangest things somethimes.

edit- Since her meet on Friday with her attorney over the 'final' paperwork, I have not seen OM's car at "her" house?

Ohh, t-minus 19 days.

You know, I'm going to throw this out there.

All the other threads I try to get involved with all relate back to "this is God's Master Plan" for us. And I had to back out.

Let me say, God and I have not had the best of relations. I come from a broken family. I was living on the streets when I was 14, an outcast, my family abolished me. I grew to become to a compassionate father and husband. On the day of my wedding, my mother who was the one to put me on the streets said "I'm so proud of the person you've become".

Why in the world do I have to endure this?

Why is this "HIS" master plan for me?

I've strived through enough.

Sure, the ones who abolished me, have taken me in and have helped through all this, but what the hay? I simply do not have the streinght and courage to strife though the one thing I prmomissed the night I proposed: My family and my kids will never have to endure what I have, and yet here we are.

What a mess.

Answered my own reverse question.

She wouldn't take me back, but I welcome her with loving arms.

I miss you Tracy, come home. Please.

I really feel for your situation dday. I too am awaiting our D-day on june 29. I don't understand any of it.

I've tried to stay strong by reading and taking care of our D4, and of course posting. My thoughts are up and down. I always second guess my every move and need to stop.

I haven't read all of your sitch. but I've asked myself also, would I take him back before the D-day if he asked. Yes I would. Once he gets through his MLC and who knows when that will be I hope we can talk.

Take care - I'm new here and not very good with computers

Oh my god, what have I done? What am I doing?

I completely blasted my "mother" yesterday. She basically abondoned me, has not expressed any concern what so ever for the whole situation. Only called when she was being evicted.

T sent some very nasty and hurtful messages, especially after she left a voice mail and did not speak kindly of W. W and I did text back and forth for a bit. Not sure what I exactly said, got really stupid drunk and deleted everything in my phone.

I texted W this morning and apologized and conveyed this is tearing me up and that I really hope we can at least restore our friendship. I know, don't show weakness, but I had to. Doesn't really matter anyways. Got a e-mail from attorney, he talked to hers and everything is pretty much done and the next court date WILL be the last.

I just hope I didn't say anything stupid to her, don't think I did, but who knows? Would love a reply from her to verify.

Still no reply, I guess I burned the bridge yet again.

I am my own worst enemy.

Just spent an hour on the phone with W.

She was very flattered that I told my mother not to bash her. She questioned why my family "hates her". I conveyed, they don't, and I don't. Problem is how you went about with OM. She sounded as she almost pulled a tear or two.

Me, I'm ballin gmy head off.

AS I sit here at my somputer desk, surronded by piles of court paperwork and how it will all end has killed me emotionally and I told her that. She says she doesn't want this either, what is that supposed to mean? We both really want our friendship back and she says she wants to be here for holidays. How? Do I have to reduce myself to crying in the bathroom ever half hour as she sits there with him?

i struk a chord when I told her that I don't neccessarily get underminded anymore about them, just the reality of being a "part-time parent". She broke down and said I don't wnat you to be. AGain, how?

I commented on how nice it was last thursday that we went through the conversation of everything and didn't argue, she said that was nice.

And here I sit, getting probably another sense of false hope, but it feels so welcome.

t-minus 17 days.

Had a very interesting conversation with my cousin last night. I learned a lot of things that had happened in my family and was kept out sight of kids (when I was one) that I truly can't believe half of it.

She also pulled me out of my corner at the same time I realized I was heading in a very dark direction. And that although I did ream my mother rather hard, it needed to be done, it's been buried way too long. And that my assumption is correct and no-one in my family "hates" W as she so thinks, but yet they are very hurt and confused by her actions with OM especially where the kids are concerned. Seems that infidelity is no stranger to my family, but for the sake of the kids, no-one, other than my "parents" tore their family apart over it and worked very hard to repair the damamges, even if it took years.

I alwasy thought my family was so tight knit with no secrets like that, we ahd a lot of bad laundry out in the open on other issues, but never would I had figured that almost everyone has had to deal with this at some point in life.

In hindsight also, I opened myself to W during our conversation way more than I should. But, the way I see it now, the clock is ticking and there can't be any harm in being open to her my feelings still exist. My cousin regards as it's time for W to 'piss or get off the pot', not a anology I care for, but I'm fresh out and that she either needs to start undoing damamge now or forever hold her piece, but it is definately not my responsibility to sit around and wallow over her anymore.

So, I'm wondering what to expect tonight when I pick up the boys.

I received all the final drafts of all the paperwork from my attorney today and he in turn has forwarded it to hers. With time ticking down, I have decided I will just give her copies tonight when I give her "her check". I sensed a feeling of remorse from her during that call yesterday, and a lot of silent moments. If there still is truthfuly one slight bit of her left inside this broken down, vengeful and selfishely destructive person she's become, it will show. She still hasn't learned how to hide that.

But yet at the same time, within minutes after I leave, she'll be in "party mode" with OM for a nice long weekend. She's already trying to push back what time I return them on now Monday versus Sunday.

And that is fine, the ride will continue, an dI have be ready for the next drop, this one got pretty scarey.