Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy he is back, i think

Hey, just a thought, maybe try some LRT here and pull back yourself tonight. Be a bit distant with your H. It may pull him out of his funk. Don't purposely try to relate to him. Take the initiate and do something else to leave him alone and let him notice your distance.

thanks for the advice - the problem with my husband is that nothing works, no game playing works. if i distance myself, if i dont distance myself, no difference in his reaction. it is so annoying!

i have been leaving him alone, if he is in his office, i dont bother going in, i just go to bed.

i feel sorta stuck in terms of my own behavior. i cant totally go dark and not talk because we have to talk and deal with the store on a daily basis.

and i dont want to talk too much, because honestly, it would be nice if he came to me looking to chit chat.

im stuck.

so we still have a divorce action open, nothing ever happened with it, it never was filed with the courts, but at the same time, i want it discontinued. i dont want it open in any way.

i thought it needed to come from h, but i called my lawyer to spark the process.

ok, so h is being impossible, stress from the business is totally taking over our relationship and i am not being treated the right way.

im thinking to go dark, or atleast dim for now.

its unfortunate, i thought him coming home would be an adjustment but not this lousy.

there are alot of outstanding issues, financial and emotional and i try to get him to talk about them and deal with them and he is not.

i wonder if dark will even help.

Something I read today that may help: It takes a long time to develop the behavior and habits of mind that contribute to our problems. It takes an equally long time to establish the new habits that bring happiness. There is no getting aroubd these essential ingredients: determination, effort, and time. These are the real secrets to happiness.

Hang in there!!! Dim is a good technique to use when necessary I think - takes some pressure off.

I'll actually post this on my words of encourgaement thread.

Can you two go camping or something? Just get away from the stress for a day or 2, the bills and business and stress will still be there when you get back, but maybe you can take a day off. I know that owning a business is really tough, but isnt this a good reason to MAKE time?

thats guys for the advice. this is funny - i decided to go dark, or dim, left the store today, didnt call him or text him, and he just called 2 times. the first time i wasnt home, saw he called, didnt call him back.

he just called again and i answered. he was like, i called u before. i was like, ok, i wasnt home.

i kept the conversation to a minimum, did not volunteer anything, did not ask anything and i ended the call.

i really thought it would take a week for him to notice i was pulling back.

hmm.

i would love to get away with him, ive suggested it several times.

its time he does something. its time he makes an effort.

so last night, h came home super talkative to me, he so knew i was annoyed and pulling back. so of course after a few minutes of him trying to make conversation i get pulled in, mostly because i have to be involved when it comes to the store discussions.

i was friendly but kept to myself, he still chose to sleep on the couch in his office.

it really bothers me.

not sure what i do today, im trying 180s, no emailing, no calling.

i will go into the store today to help with deliveries because one of the guys is out.

any other advice as to what i do next in terms of pulling back and laying low, while still talking store stuff?

how do i respond if he stay friendly and talkative?

I think you should leave the sleeping on the couch thing alone for now. I totally understand that it bothers you but he is home and before he wasn't. Let this one be for now. When H and I lived in our apt, he use to like to fall asleep watching tv in the living room. It use to drive me insane. Then he realized that it was a power struggle and so he would do it to upset me. I stopped being bothered about him on the couch and it stop being a problem between us. Use a bit of Michele's tactic here, when your H falls asleep on the couch, go tuck him in - give him a blanket. But rest assured that he's home. You have bigger fishes to fry... to me this battle isn't work it. And then think of it like what they say men need their own cave to crawl into and think - let him be. He'll probably come back to the bed sooner if the couch is not even a problem. Act like him sleeping there is normal for him. Say goodnight and turn in. You did it when you were separated, so you can do it with him in the home. IMHO.

u are so right, thank you. i know he is home, and i should be relieved of that, the couch bothers me because he went from sleeping in bed with me, to not. i think that is what hurts.

i was so proud in my decision to pull back yesterday - and he sucked me back in. he noticed it right away, was all nice and talkative last night.

today i went into the store and had to talk to him, and he was fine. then i had to call him regarding meeting with our accoutant and he went back to his old self, saying he will see, that the appt i made was not good etc.

i wish i could detach and pull back more, but with the business stuff it is kinda hard.