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Doing a 180 is really liberating! I was in the Coach Factory Outlet yesterday to buy a new wallet. I always pick conservative colors for wallets and handbags, but this time I decided to do a 180, and I bought a really pretty non-conservative color! I did it for me and me only (no hidden agenda to show H), and it felt great!!

Doing a 180 is something I think everyone (not just DB'ers) should make a conscious effort to do.

It is a huge challenge taking care of things that our H's used to do. But you CAN do it! As suggested, you can take the laptop into a repair place or call the Geek Squad, etc. But if the laptop is really 'his', and you can afford to get a new one, that would be a great way to demonstrate to H that you're getting on with life and you're not going to rely on him for everything anymore.

I also understand the challenge of doing 180's, acting 'as if' when it seems H won't even notice because you're separating right now. That's why everyone encourages making the changes for us not for H. When H comes back around, he will notice. You have to trust that and trust yourself. You are getting occasional emails or text msgs checking on you, which is encouraging IMHO, so use those interactions to demonstrate you're doing well and taking care of yourself just fine!

I guess my main problem is I don't feel like I have a 'plan' if I did I would be able to try n follow it and that would help me. I feel like I have bits and parts of a plan, with 180's, acting as if, and not initiating contact etc but that the rest is confusing and unclear, I feel so mixed up.

mnt I guess you are right I do need to see even the minimal contact as a way to show I am doing just fine. I will think about how to do this.

orchid, thanks for the views from your friend that helped you. I appreciate that and it does make me think and helps view things differently.

Thanks for all the support guys. I feel it all helps keep me going and is great to have people to 'chew' things over with when trying to make some decision and to vent to when the going gets tough!!

Ok so I emailed H back 3 days later saying basically thanks but no thanks, I've got it covered. Kept it really short and said nothing else about how I am doing, etc. He emailed back this morning making small talk, giving me advice about computer stuff(unsolicited) and offering help again. He also said he would email me 'x' later today(info I need regarding practical thing). he hasn't, but that doesn't bother me.

So again not going to answer. I don't feel there is any need to respond at all. I feel the whole going dark thing doesn't work on H. Maybe I am missing something small tho. I think I will keep with it for now.

Work has been ok today, and went to gym after. I'm going to have something nice for dinner now and then work on my presentation for thursday. Nothing new really happening.

wish there was something I could actively do about things.

Been really stressed out this week which has made me really emotional. I had a lot of work to do to get ready for another presentation today. But that is done now, I'm so glad I finished and I think it went pretty ok considering.

Haven't heard a peep out of H, and haven't made any attempt to contact him. No idea how long this will keep up. Really missing him but it seems he could care less. I had been doing better for a while, but not slept much the last 3 days with stress and work and was really upset last night.

I finished work early today so have some time to try n relax.

Hey, hopeful,

Glad to hear your presentation went ok. That is one load off your mind. Hang in there. I know this is hard. I have been getting an average of 4-5 hours of sleep each night for the past few weeks, I hope that doesn't last much longer.

Do something nice for yourself today!

Thanks Judy!

You're right that is a BIG load off my mind, now just 2 essays to start chipping away at.

AND I did 2 nice things for myself already! 1. I bought a new shirt, nothing fancy but bright color and fits great! AND 2. Sleep!! I caught up a little last night and feel a bit better already.

I knew I have a long weekend ahead of me too so last night I got up the courage to txt a work friend and ask if she wanted to plan something to do. I know its silly but, I always have trouble making the first move or planning things when I don't know the person all that well. But I did and now we are going to a movie and maybe a meal sat night.

I have decided as a goal (and part of GAL) to be more active socially and to make it happen, rather than waiting for invitations. It sounds so simple but since I've not been doing that for years I need practice. I thought I had already been doing this but looking back I've been very limiting in who I ask and what I do. I'm going to 'branch out' all I can do is ask and if they say no thanks, no big deal, I can still feel good for making the effort.

Gosh where did all this positivity come from this morning!! Must be the sleep

That doesn't sound silly at all! I love your attitude about reaching out to others even when it can seem a bit awkward. Why is it kids have no trouble running up to a new kid at the park and asking if they want to be friends, and as adults we let our insecurities get the best of us?!

Good for you for challenging yourself in that way. I will try that myself. Also, accepting the invitations when they come along even though it might be something unusual opens you up to new experiences (a "Yes Man" attitude).

I just watched that tonight actually since I kept seeing everyone post about it.

Hi hopeful_cb,

I'm glad you are done with your hectic and stressful week. I agree with mnt_dreams and think its great you are taking charge of YOUR social life. It is really hard. I, too, like you have waited for invitations....after reading your post, I decided to follow your lead!

Thanks!