We talked and he was mad at his work. We spent 1 hour talking about that and then he told me he cant work on us until he "fixes" work. He doesnt know when but he thinks it will be very soon.
He brought up that incident in the car and said he wonders why there is so much tension bewteen us. He also said he questions if he can give me what I need which he considers not reasonable (meaning passion, surprises, excitement etc) in a long term R. I explained I dont need that ALL the time but I think being this flat when we are 38 years old doesnt leave us many chances to get worse when we get older. I said I think we are too young to give up on excitement and passion. He said "I am this way, I dont give as a person, you are right to want these things but I am not sure I can give them to you".
He said I should go ahead and book vacation and he will join us (?).
He said he wants to come and stay here tomorrow and sleep over and come to the wedding on Sunday morning with us.
He is thinking of leaving the NIGHT job and keeping the morning one. He talked to his boss today, he offered him a raise and to help him find a small second job that will not require his presence, he would be doing it thru the Internet. This solution is the best I could wish for. BUT, I think its not going to happen soon.
He is still so self absorved. What has happened is OVER in his head. Now he only cares about his work, cant think of anything else. I am amazed. We did talk more, politely but didnt come to any conclusions. K
Still, sounds like he is considering making some big changes? And he wants to come spend the night, and go on vacation with you? All good things, IMO.
It is sad that he doesn't think he can give you passion, excitement, surprises, etc. I told my husband I wanted to feel like his girlfriend again (meaning the flirtiness, the fun stuff besides being mom of his kids). He said, "We aren't bf/gf now, we are married." Such narrow viewpoints!
Anyway there are definitely some positives in that talk, I heard nothing about going separate ways, more that he is afraid he cannot be all that you want him to be?
Well, when he sees me in that dress on Sunday, he will change his mind, I think
No, not a bad talk. Just indifferent. I am NOT burrying myself into a dead marriage. That's for sure. I got the feeling he will move pretty fast about work irrelevant to us. Also, today was NOT a good day forh im to talk about us. He came right after the talk with his boss and after a big fight at the night job. I could see he was completely absorved in his world. I didnt try to distract him. I wouldnt be successful. We'll see. K
How supportive are you of his work? I remember the minister who married us in Vegas mentioning to my wife that when it seemed the whole world was against me that it was so important that she be there for me.
Quote:
When youre weary, feeling small, When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all; I'm on your side. when times get rough And friend's just cant be found, Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down.
When you're down and out, When you're on the street, When evening falls so hard I will comfort you. I'll take your part. When darkness comes And pain is all around, Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down.
Sail on silvergirl, Sail on by. Your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on their way. See how they shine. If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind. Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind. Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind.
"No, not a bad talk. Just indifferent. I am NOT burrying myself into a dead marriage."
I am a little concerned with these two phrases however. "dead marriage"....if it is dead, do you actually think a talk will revive it? Who is indifferent, you or him.
