Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Looking Ahead (4)

Dont try to, it will get you nuts! I have to wonder what the heck the two of them could possibly talk about. It is really creepy.

Started getting pages and pages of texts at like midnight last night. He had to have been drunk texting me. Finally had to turn my phone off.

He's so going over the edge about thinking I have a date. Crazy crap like, I loved you and talked to you about everything and at least I was upfront with you about (og). I'm only going to talk to you about the kids from now on. Don't worry I won't bother you anymore and if something happened to me you won't even know it until it's time for me to pick up the kids... on and on and on...Seriously, like five different texts about where are you going and with who and why won't you tell me... just tell me I need to know for my own sanity... on and on and on...

I finally texted him back that he must be drunk or something and needed to get some sleep. OMG. I am tired today because of this nonsense. I texted him this morning and just said, are you ok this morning, and we'll see you at 6 tomorrow. He replied ya, see you at 6.

I continue to be perplexed by his behavior.

Oh, forgot to add that he was trying to make me feel bad about how poor he is and that when he gives me child support today he will be broke again... what am I supposed to say to that?

I'm sorry you lost your job because you were screwing around with an 18 yo employee?? Sucks that you are having to do whatever you can now to make money. I told you this would happen when you first started this, but you didn't listen!! Of course I'm NOT saying this stuff, but really... I'm supposed to feel guilty I guess?

And the sad part is... I kind of do feel guilty about the money because I have enough to make it without his. Not a lot, but enough. Somebody needs to tell me not to feel guilty, please..

SoCo...they are his children too. Remember, this was his choice. The money he pays goes for the children...it is not for you. You should NOT feel guilty about his having to take care of his children Sweetie.

Say thank you, I appreciate the money you give me for the kids. Don't look at it as you are taking money from a poor man. He chose to walk away and leave you and his kids behind. He has to own up to the responsibility of raising those kids.

Doesn't matter if you make more money either. Look at what it costs to raise kids these days. If he had them, it would probably cost him more than what he pays you. Let him suffer, he is the one who decided his path of life.

I know how you feel about the guilt. I used to be the same way. When my stbxh left he continued making the house payment and that was it. He would pay 1/2 for anything the kids needed which helped a lot. I didn't ask for child support since he was paying the mortgage. My stbxh makes twice what I make and for 3 years after leaving us lived the high life. He went to the beach for many weekends, always bought new things. When he had the kids he would take them to fun things and always spent money on them. He was coaching volleyball and doing side jobs for extra money so all worked out well. Then bam...he and first OW got into an argument (probably cuz 2nd OW came into the picture) and he stopped coaching with her. Between that and no one is looking for side help right now, his finances changed. He goes in the hole every month. Do I feel sorry for him? A little but I am struggling also. We are all struggling no matter how much we make. Time for my stbxh to feel the struggle that I have been living. Time for his life to not be so happy go lucky. Maybe I am a little bitter about all of it but darn it...I'm tired of being the one to do without so my kids have what they need.



Do not feel guilty. If you can make it without his money, take his money and open up a savings account for when you may need it. Or save for a nice vacation. Never feel guilty for taking money from the kids father. He needs to own up to his responsibilities and pay for his children.

If he starts texting again, put the phone on silent and just ignore it. You can set the texts to silent but still have the phone on ringer in case an important call needs to come in. This is what I do. If you ignore them enough, they will leave you alone.

Listen to me Sweetie, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! They are his children, too. He needs to help support them. It certainly is not your fault the fool got fired fooling around with an 18 year old. Consequences for his actions. Not your problem.

As for the texts, not apprporiate. I would tell him since he is calling and harassing you, you will be turning off the phone at 10 o'clock.

He is free falllinnng!

Actually SoCo,

If you feel guilty, then maybe you should figure out why.

I am not SoCo

BUT.......

I am going out on a limb here and say the guilt comes from loving a person for so long and not wanting to see them get hurt no matter how bad they treat you.

No offense meant T2, but you're right you aren't SoCo.

Seriosuly no offense meant.

IF SoCo feels guilty now, and doesn't address the why she does? If she doesn't figure out if it is real or not, then down the road it becomes regret.

And as a person I'd rather a fully healthy and healed SoCo in a year or two than one that has a regret that might screw with her head for many years and impact her poorly.

"Of all sad tales of tongue and pen;
The saddest yet, what might have been."