Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is there any hope or is the damage done

Thanks so much A and K,

Yes, going dark is the only option and I feel empowered doing it.
I have spent months in pain, in distress, in hospital, in financial constraint.
a smokescreen for facing themselves.

The truth is that I am showing in actions and words how committed I am to my D and to our lives together, changing my life around to live a life that is good and honest and in accordance with what our marriage and family life meant; with or without him.

He knows, or is at least starting to realise what he has lost....I have thought along the way that I would take him back but now I am not so sure......well, if he ever did come back (which I doubt because he could never admit he is wrong, about anything) then he would have to show me categorically that he is mature and available emotionally enough to take on a mature relationship with me.

I am not sure what you all think, but this OW, this R? What is this? Is it honestly worth all of this? Can she offer him more than what his family, child and wife can?

Hi guys,

am feeling pain now and just wanted to post.
have an ongoing feeling that the R with OW is serious and has been planned well in advance of me being told about the end of my M.

Am now feeling as if H has admitted r with OW in the legal sphere to prove that he has a residence and the next step will be to bring our D7 there.

i completely reject this at this stage; it has only been three months and a lot of pain for both myself and my D.

I wish that I wasn't hurting so much about her, I wish I could blank it out but it is so hard. I feel so humiliated, I trusted him.

has anyone else felt this here?

its over. at least in the short term, its over.

You are right, it is over..........

Try not to think about the OW right now. I know it's hard as heck. My W had an EA with her boss twice her age, so I know how tough it is for you.

I turned all of my efforts inward and became a stronger father and man in general. Do the same and you break the hold the OW has over you. Right now you're feeling weak because you've given your H your power, your dignity. Well it's time to get it back.

If you are so inclined, you should get a punching bag or take up a physical regimen to get those feelings out. That will help you to not dwell over them.

Your H has alot of issues to deal with that stemmed from his relationship with his parents and his open relationship from his first M. That much is evident. He is totally messed up in the expectation dept. as to what a "normal" M should be. But those are HIS thoughts...NOT yours.

Believe in yourself first and foremost. Meditate. Build on your own inner light and burn his out. I think you need to do something like that to start overcoming his actions. Have you ever seen the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez or "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"? Those will help you to see how you can fight back to get your own individuality back.

dear stuck,

thanks for this........as most people know themselves here, I have weak moments and strong moments; I wish I was stronger.

there are moments when I can put OW and H into perspective and realize that its not anything to do with me and my life.

I am having to re establish my life from only 3-4 months ago where it was a completely different life.

What he has done has, hopefully momentarily, taken away so much hard work, confidence, hope, my dreams. My H has done this with so much speed, precision and cold, calculated delivery that I am reeling. He has lied to me and deceived me.

It is now my D who must and does have my full attention. I think that she is suffering. I look at her and wonder how my H can put her through it; I guess they not know what they do.

He has snow taken to emailing me about access, we now dont even properly speak. It is for the best because I have to keep reminding myself that I truly dont know who this man has become. The man who I loved with my whole heart, who I trusted, who I shared my dreams with, who I thought cared for me has and continues to put me (and my family) through a nightmare.

I am doing small things day by day that remind me that I am a good person, trying her best to love and care for the people around her. I am not sure what I want for my life, or what it will bring but I want to proceed with dignity and honour, I want to know when I put my head on the pillow at night that I can sleep well.

My trust in men has been severely damaged; I dont know how that can be reconciled? The sense that my H could do this without any remorse etc?

Every day I am working harder and harder to be a strong woman and the best mother that I can be

Not sure how I find any hope for any of us in this situation.LRT and going dark; it feels that it has gone beyond this point now.

Praying; maybe I need to do more. God is good and always present but I am still unsure what He wants to show me and us through all of this?

I am generally a woman with a large sense of possibility in my life; I would like to think that his is no different; that there is a space where we will all be OK somehow. But i have lost faith and lost my way.

Feeling a little stronger at the moment........had a powerful day; I stuck up for myself; I have given directives for a barring order application; court hearing is tomorrow.
I cant risk my H verbally and emotionally abusing me, my D7 and my mother in the family home again.
the police have cautioned him, warning him that he has breached the conditions of the protection order and that that is a criminal offence.He responded to the policemen saying that he was under a lot of pressure, feeling ill, highly distressed, depressed, sick and upset.
I am very sad but I have to say enough is enough.
He has also just apologised to my mother. I am pleased for her, she deserved it. Just highlights to me that in his eyes I am not (and never have been) worthy of an apology.
He is not speaking to me, only by email and small notes left around the house.

ughh. No offense guys, but men can be such pigs!

I think that its great that you have finally gotten angry. You deserve it, you have been very mistreated. Do some research, on here you should look for posts by Dance queen, she has some great info, and read some of the stories on the affairs board.

When they are doing these terrible things, going dark is about the best thing you can do for yourself, and your D. Seeing him is so upsetting, it seems like its easier for us to be stable and confident when they arent around. There is not one person on here who doesnt need more of those kinds of days.

Hope is a very strange thing, it seems like just when you lose all of it, you get a new reason to have it.

Thanks for your support bluerain; has meant a lot.
going dark is the only way now.
Have just received an email from H tonight; understandably is furious about the barring order but makes no mention of it, just accusing me of being unwilling to accommodate access of D7 over the weekend which is unfair and untrue (I discussed 4-5 hours tomorrow and 5 hours Sunday but they didnt fit in with his schedule).
I am very sad as I feel that the barring order has understandably driven a further wedge between us and no doubt has pushed him closer to OW but I have done the right thing for my D, me and my Mum.
WAS........they seem to change personality......I now dont recognise my H.
Am trying to GAL and enjoy time with D, and remind myself that I am a good,honorable person.
H will only communicate via email now........