Ali, you probably feel you are soooooo close but not "there" yet and that can drive one crazy. I feel for you. But you know how it goes. You cant force him to do anything towards reconcil. until he actually takes that step himself.
It's HUGE that he broke up with Helen. It's apsolutely GREAT news. Rememberwhat we keep saying to others:there is no hope unless the other person is out of the picture. Well, SHE IS OUT!!!!
Uh.. wtf!? I have NO intentions of swooping anywhere, nor rescue, "a bloody soap opera"? How impolite!
Hey Breton, MsM, thanks for your good wishes..yep, finally something is different hey.
Hey K!..I'm feeling pretty good actually, calm, relaxed, moderately excited.. happy to wait and see what happens next and in the meantime I have plenty of college work to do ! I'm VERY excited about my sculptures.. I am making my own outsized book, with lead for a cover (it represents the planet Saturn, which has been the cause of all our suffering for 2 years, us Pisceans!!)
You're right, this is a huge deal.. because its the end of an era. I dont care what he says, he DID see her as a possibility before he left me (why else was he sneaking out of the house to call her on his mobile?) and now they have finished, he is nearing the end of that chapter in his life. I am sure he still needs to let go of it/her because he must have had some hopes for their R, else why would he have been attracted to her in the first place? I understand that, my EA thing spanned 2 1/2 years. I'm not expecting to hear from him at all and I'm fine with that. One thing I do know, they will NEVER get back together, I just know.. so thats good too!
For now, I am happy to let him be upset/wobbly/distant, whatever. I think my time will come !! End of May.. I said didnt I, all along, something will shift then.
Uh.. wtf!? I have NO intentions of swooping anywhere, nor rescue, "a bloody soap opera"? How rude
Honestly Ali, I was not trying to insult you.
Your threads are very detail oriented, and yes, they could one day make a fascinating novel.....or Soap Opera.
And as far as rescuing....
When a MLC'er returns to the relationship they can be very needy and depressed and need help readjusting and coming to grips with the damage they have done.
As well as mourning and grieving the previous relationship, etc....
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Well I thank you for the explanation then, it did sound rather blunt!
I do post in detail, because this for me is an online journal (so sorry for the waffle!) and also, I want to help others who may be reading along with my sitch (as it used to help me).
Funny you should say a novel. For a long while, I have wanted to turn this into a book, but I didnt know the ending or couldnt think how I could end it. But now the Piscean came in and then, I realised he wasnt the one for me anymore and my ex has finished with ow.. well maybe a Hollywood ending is in sight!!?
Not that I like Hollywood films, in fact, I cant stand them usually !
I'm ok with needy and depressed. My ex is a lovely, warm hearted, entertaining, funny funny guy.. but he could be depressed and needy at times over the past 13 years, I never minded, I found it kinda endearing actually (oh dear). Lovable shall we say. I dont like macho guys, I prefer the sensitive gentle criers !
I'm ok with needy and depressed. My ex is a lovely, warm hearted, entertaining, funny funny guy.. but he could be depressed and needy at times over the past 13 years, I never minded, I found it kinda endearing actually (oh dear). Lovable shall we say. I dont like macho guys, I prefer the sensitive gentle criers !
LOL Ali, you have to be the only woman I know that likes needy and depressed! Just as well we all like different kinds though. I have a saying think I got it off my mum!I'm blaming her anyway. and it is when looking at couples "well at least they don't spoil another pair" You know when you see the most unlike couples and yet it works for them. So deep thought coming up that you will most likely shoot down in flames but here goes.... your x sounds very childlike in away, maybe not the depression but any mum will tell you kids can be tempermental and moody,certainly they are very needy at different stages in their lives, so maybe he brings out your dormant mothering instincts and thats why you quite like it but not 24/7 like a parent is? Maybe that's why many here hate the depression and neediness of their husbands so much because they have or are mothers and done that bit so want more of a man to be a man. Ok I have my hard hat on.
Well depends what your definition of "being a man" is Neaj. Can men not be sensitive and be a 'man', perhaps thats a generational thing? But I am not painting an accurate picture. He is sensitive, but not really needy or moody (NEVER moody). And certainly never temperamental. In fact, I was so shocked when he left me because he is the least temperamental person I know. He is very even tempered usually.
He had a breakdown and hasnt been 'himself' for the past 2 years (?).. much like BNDs H when he flew 3000 miles away and wouldnt see his kids. Thats not the man she fell in love with and married.
I dont seek out needy and depressed, I meant I am fine with other peoples suffering, its all part of the human spectrum. I have had depression myself twice in my lifetime. But I agree he is emotioanally immature (childish if you like then).. else he wouldnt have walked out. He needed to grow up. I dont think he has done yet, but I hope he has learnt some things, like he needs to learn to TALK if there is a problem in future.
Naej, I noticed on someone elses thread you only spoke to your H 4 times after he left you. Thats pretty shocking. Did he refuse to speak to you then? Could you contact him now, for closure?
Hi Ali, I have no qualms about sensitive men, but what you actually said was
Quote:
but he could be depressed and needy at times over the past 13 years, I never minded
SO thats 13 years not just the last 2, when he had his breakdown or whatever crisis. That was my point.
As for speaking to my h only 4 times that has been since we D,not actually since he left. I did it for my own sanity and healing. I have closure. I accepted he wanted/has a new life and I was not in it.You cannot make people love, want or need you. I have no need to speak to him. I have no wish to open old wounds. I doubt he could tell me anymore now than he did then. My children now all have partners and I have a g/c so my family is expanding and they are all happy and well balanced. We talk about "Dad" as we would a much loved friend who now is no longer with us,but it is always memories from the past not the now. So I hope that answers your question.
No I understand, I meant he has been MAINLY depressed over the past two years, not before.
Basically, he's a lovely guy, my soulmate and my choice. I am happy with my choice, rightly or wrongly and I am aware he is flawed. But then, arent we all hey!
Sorry, I guess because you post here, I thought you may still looking for some kind of sense from it and I wondered if you were able to get that from him. He may have something different to tell you.. it must be some years since the D and you get a different perspective down the years, or with the benefit of hindsight.
I was thinking about my ex, no matter what happens now, I am sure we would stay friends, but then I have Venus in Aquarius, so thats pretty textbook (Venus rules love/relating, Aquarius rules friendship/groups.. put em together and you get a person who prefers partners who are also their friend and to stay friends once they are no longer partners)
