Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
The Wifey- Actually, I have witnessed that once the LBS says they are "done" something shifts and often that is what draws WAS in.
So, who knows?
While anything is possible - My W would be just the opposite. At this point if I said that I was done, she would be ecstatic, and would have papers finalized asap. At the same time that I am not giving up hope, she just keeps telling me to forget it that we are going to get a D.
Me 35 W 30 S 3 M 7 : T 13 yrs Separated 2/20/09 My Story
Let me clarify. I'm not talking about saying it to WAS, I am talking about feeling it and living it...
It is a tough call and believe me, I struggle with it too. If H thought I was moving on would he draw closer or just be relieved? I do know that anytime I have so much as thought "I'm going to live my life and I will love another man and create the family life I want with someone else..." I get a text or a call or some attention from H. I am talking about KNOWING that I am going to be ok and that he is not in control of my happiness or ability to live my values. And, I can tell you, I have only felt it for fleeting moments. I have no idea what would or will happen if I can sustain that feeling.
Do I want it to be over? Interesting question to say the least. I don't think I have ever loved another like I have this man. It upsets me that I fell in love with someone who would treat me like this and do it so unashamedly. I love him and wonder if I could get to a point where I could trust him enough to make a relationship. I came home today laughing because I went through our last conversation in my mind. Nothing he has said the last few months has made one lick of sense. I wonder if he will ever wake up one day and say, "What in the hell have I been doing? Did I really say and do all of these things?"
I will be okay and I know he is not in control of my happiness. I am the only person on this planet who can control whether I am happy or not. I choose how I react to any given situation and I was the one who chose to love him. I still choose to love him. I took my vows seriously, but I do know that I can choose to love another and be happy with them too. Love is a choice. It isn't some random thing that happens to people.
I've contemplated what I would do if/when he calls, texts, emails, or shows up on my doorstep. I know that I would not just let him in with open arms. I have learned too much from this experience to just hand over my feelings to someone who isn't grown up enough to appreciate them. He has as much, if not more, to learn about relationships and love as I do.
I've also contemplated what I would do if he doesn't and I receive divorce papers. Either way, I become a better person with more life experience to add to my relationship arsenal. I win either way and that is what life is about. It's about living life.
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and your thoughts on the matter. Every word typed is added to my education.
Last edited by goingtofixME; 05/13/0901:53 AM.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Do I want it to be over? Interesting question to say the least. I don't think I have ever loved another like I have this man. It upsets me that I fell in love with someone who would treat me like this and do it so unashamedly. I love him and wonder if I could get to a point where I could trust him enough to make a relationship. I came home today laughing because I went through our last conversation in my mind. Nothing he has said the last few months has made one lick of sense. I wonder if he will ever wake up one day and say, "What in the hell have I been doing? Did I really say and do all of these things?"
I will be okay and I know he is not in control of my happiness. I am the only person on this planet who can control whether I am happy or not. I choose how I react to any given situation and I was the one who chose to love him. I still choose to love him. I took my vows seriously, but I do know that I can choose to love another and be happy with them too. Love is a choice. It isn't some random thing that happens to people.
I've contemplated what I would do if/when he calls, texts, emails, or shows up on my doorstep. I know that I would not just let him in with open arms. I have learned too much from this experience to just hand over my feelings to someone who isn't grown up enough to appreciate them. He has as much, if not more, to learn about relationships and love as I do.
I've also contemplated what I would do if he doesn't and I receive divorce papers. Either way, I become a better person with more life experience to add to my relationship arsenal. I win either way and that is what life is about. It's about living life.
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and your thoughts on the matter. Every word typed is added to my education.
Wow to all of that! Especially, love is a choice...
My H left 6 years ago and came back 5 weeks later so remorsefully and felt he had been a real a**hole. Now, here we are again. You are right that something major has to change or the call of the wild re-emerges.
If you can maintain the awesome attitude you have, you're going to be fine.
I have to admit that it is probably easier for me in that I don't have any contact what so ever with my husband. Whether this is good or bad remains to be seen. I don't feel that me being around while he is so confused is good for either of us. He will eventually realize that OW is not someone he can have anything with long term because even though she validates his feelings and they go to concerts and stuff together. She has her own issues and they really do not have that much in common. He felt that we were so different, but if he took an honest look he would realize that we have very, very similar interests. One day he will run into me or find me again and he will see that I was able to do the very thing he is so scared to do and that is change and grow.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Oh ya, if I didn't have kids with H, this would be quite a different scenario and that may be my achilles heel. I don't want to make a wrong move, this is their life, their story. Aaargh...
I agree completely with your post. Your H will have to want to grow and change. Same with my H, but kids can be a great motivator for him as well as me.
Sadly in my sitch, they are both a detriment and a benefit. My children are great kids and he has said from day one that he didn't want to do anything to mess them up. Leaving to him means he doesn't have to worry. Although he doesn't realize the damage he did leaving and my children seeing that he left for the OW. It does help to an extent because now they know for sure it wasn't them that made him leave. Although, in a warped way it was.
So a damned situation either way!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
I am so feeling for your wife hurting! She has no idea what you are about to unleash on her!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
