Lan, I think the "no R talks" is valid while we are still trying to get them to look our way. You are wayyyy passed that point. I think it is imperative that you have talks with your wife and let her know exactly how you feel and what you are prepared to do. At this point, it aint that scary anymore,right? Always sending good thoughts your way, K
Spot on, nothing about this whole sitch is scary anymore even to the point of starting out on my own again if I had to.
Today W and I have the day off together, originally this was for D7 hospital appointment but it got cancelled at short notice. So we are going to look at bedroom furniture, find a birthday gift together, plus we gonna do some chat. Lighthearted mostly but serious if needed.
Back to reality, W and I visited the showroom to discuss the designs of the fitted furniture for the bedroom. I agreed with the designer that a full length waldrode door mirror would be a good idea, W smiled and commented "I know why you want that Nudge, nudge, wink, wink". I told her I hope that would be the case. (Time will tell)
Later we stopped for a pizza lunch, we talked some about us, nothing too heavy. W comment again that we need more us time, and suggested we get a new routine going where D7 is in her bedroom by 7.30pm and in bed by 8.00. Then we both spend time together talking or whatever, but we both lay off the computer, seems she finds my computer usage excessive and irritating. So if you get radio silence from me it will be because I'm giving it a go.
After lunch W chose her birthday present, a nice handbag.
Later we stopped for a drink and talked some more, I mentioned W falling asleep when we have an evening in, but we concluded it was something we would have to live with due to her lung condition, after a long day she lacks oxygen so consequently falls a sleep. We talked about lack of sex, but on this W wants me to woo her and not expect it on a plate. Well IMO I already do a lot of the things she asks for, but I'll still it a go.
Well this evening we got D7 in bed by 8.00pm, 8.15pm W and I sit in bed for a little chat with the TV in the back ground, 8.30pm W fast asleep on my shoulder.
9.00pm I'm on the computer. (Well what else could I do).
Lan, The good news for you is she's talking freely and wants to work things out - you are winning the war. Try discussing sleeping early and waking up earlier than D7 - I seem to remember how she was going wild with this before. Perhaps W needs to go for an evening walk to pump some O2 into her lungs; hey it might cool you down a bit too. If I were you I'd listen to her about the computer.
Yep W does seem to want to talk, so I am letting her go at it slowly. On the falling a sleep we both mentioned that if we are up and about doing things then she stays awake. it's just when we are relaxed that she falls a sleep, so we are thinking of ways round it.
On the computer front she did mention in the past that she thought I spent too much time on it, I half think, she thinks I have an on line gf. Anyway it was a productive day so I'll keep moving it in that direction.
Lan, I remember somewhere in your threads early on it became apparent to the observer that things boiled down to a 'communication breakdown' between you and W. She would launch a frontal attack and you would withdraw. Hopefully you are on a path to repairing that and leading the way for W to get on board with some healthy patterns of communication. Occasional Border Skirmishes with still happen. I think your patience is invaluable and now with you squarely asserting yourself ... that's a winning combination ... I wish I had your temperament.
Things are calm at the moment and good communication needs to be sustained.
Today W phoned me in work, so I asked her what was up, she said nothing she just wanted to hear my voice . She also said she enjoyed our day out on Monday. So I guess from this, that if I make a fuss over her, spend a bit of money then she’s very happy. I'm not saying this in a negative way but I think that's just the way she is.
When we spoke on Monday and again last night I told her W we need to get away from hating each other, to being lovey dovey to hating each other again we need to break that cycle. I have my views but we'll talk some more together about our ideas.
The good thig is I have got her talking relatively freely so I hope that I can keep this going.
